Twilight and Shadows
by Wild Hope
Summary: One night stuck in the Library forever changes Draco and Hermione's relationship. Over the Holidays Draco is forced to stay in Gryffindor Tower and everything changes. Draco can't be falling in love with a Mudblood, can he?
1. The Beginning

Hermione Granger ran her fingers lovingly over the old, dusty books filled with the knowledge she craved. Knowledge that would block out all of the problems in her life that she didn't want to deal with. She felt safe here in the library filled with history, things so much older and more important than herself. She could actually think here. It was quiet and safe and for a little while she was in a place where she could forget about the real world.

She had loved libraries for as long as she could remember. Muggle libraries had delighted her but wizard libraries enchanted her. Books that talked back to you, illustrations that moved, it was a bookworm's haven and she loved it and she loved devouring the knowledge that the books hid within. One of the reasons she was such a serious student was because she hadn't grown up in the wizard world, she'd been thrust into it and everything was fascinating and new, and her thirst for knowledge had turned into a raging hunger.

She stopped at a book shelf and closed her eyes, drinking in the scents of the old books; leather and the slight smell of mildew. Opening her eyes her fingers traveled to a book titled 'One Hundred and One Ways to Clean a House Without Magic'. Flipping through the book Hermione smiled at the illustrations showing a wizard cleaning dishes in a bathtub and dusting with a chicken. She closed the book and put it back on the shelf, yes, things were definitely quite different from the muggle world. She had wandered into a section of the library that, surprisingly, she hadn't visited before, though it looked as if she wasn't the only one. There was less lighting here and the shelves were covered with a layer of dust and cobwebs stretched over many on the books adding an air of mystery. Taking a closer look she saw that they weren't mysterious at all, the books were muggle related but obviously not part of the 'Muggle Studies' curriculum. She noticed a few works of fiction towards the end of one shelf and made a mental note to come back later and flip through them, it would be refreshing to read an ordinary muggle book for once.

It was Friday and she'd just finished her arithmancy essay and curfew wasn't for half an hour or so thus she had time to explore a bit more. She kept walking, marveling that the library was so large. She flipped through a book on chemistry and ran her fingers through her bushy hair. After all of these years she still hadn't been able to tame it, well, without spending an hour in front of the mirror applying gels and charms. She generally just left it to it's own devices. It was, however, considerably less frizzy than it had been her first year at Hogwarts. She sat the chemistry book back she would check it out on Monday. She had promised Ron and Harry that they were going to have a (mostly) work free weekend, they had all been really busy with loads of homework the last few weeks. Since she was going home for the Christmas holidays she really wanted to spend more time with her friends.

She turned the corner and stopped, listening. She had heard something. It was quiet for a moment and then she heard the sound again and sighed in exasperation. If there were students back there snogging then they would have quite a bit of explaining to do. This was her seventh year at Hogwarts and she was Head Girl after all. If someone was breaking the rules it was her duty to stop them. She slowly peeked around the corner, it was darker here but she could see the outline of someone sitting on the floor at the end of the aisle. She heard the noise again and now that she was closer it sounded like... well... like crying. She stood still, debating upon whether to interrupt, she knew that she would feel guilty if she just walked away without seeing if there was anything she could do to help. She took a few steps forward.

"Who's there?" a voice growled.

"Lumos," Hermione said softly, holding out her wand in front of her. She sucked in a breath, sitting in front of her was none other than Draco Malfoy. He threw up a hand to shield himself from the bright light but not before she saw that his eyes were red with unshed tears.

"Turn off the bloody light!" he growled and for some reason Hermione obeyed.

"Are... are you all right?" she asked hesitantly taking another step forward. She had a queasy feeling in her stomach. It wasn't every day one came across a situation like this. Her better judgement told her to turn tail and run. Something inside of her wouldn't let her.

"I'm fine mudblood," he said viscously and she took a step back. It was already December and she realized he hadn't called her a mudblood since last school year. It struck her as odd that this was just occurring to her. Come to think of it he hadn't even really bothered her at all since last school year. That was strange.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb-,"

"Well you did," he said cutting her off.

"I didn't know it was you back here, I'm sorry," she said nervously shifting her weight from foot to foot. She almost wanted to start wringing her hands. She wasn't sure she had ever felt more awkward.

"Sorry?!" he shrieked, his voice an octave higher than normal. "I don't need your pity Granger, leave now, go tell all of your little Gryffindors how you saw me here, you can all get a good laugh out of it."

Hermione was not so easily dismissed, under any other circumstances she would have left straight away but for some reason she couldn't go, maybe it was compassion, or curiosity... but it wasn't everyday you saw Draco Malfoy sitting in a corner, crying, in the muggle section of the library of all things. She didn't know what possessed her, maybe her Gryffindor courage, but she sat down on the floor next to him. She was surprised at her courage and also by how uncomfortable the floor was. It was hard and freezing and she wondered why, if he was going to pick a place to cry he didn't at least pick a more comfortable one. She swallowed her uneasiness.

"I know it's none of my business but if you'd like to talk-,"

He cut her off again. "Talk to you? Have you gone mad?" he asked in disbelief.

"I'm sorry if the concept of kindness is something that you can't understand," she said getting a bit peeved, was it really so unbelievable that she cared? She thought about it for a second, okay maybe it was... but she wasn't going to back down. "Seeing the rest of the Slytherins I can definitely see why, they don't look like a very sympathetic lot." She didn't think she was going to get anywhere with him but she was going to try.

"You don't know anything about them," he said snidely crossing his arms over his chest.

"Oh really? I can just imagine you bearing your soul to Crabbe and Goyle. 'Uh, that's nice Draco, can we go to dinner now?'" she said in a voice that implied the speaker had an IQ of about 40.

To her surprise Draco laughed, well it sounded like a laugh, she wasn't quite sure. She allowed herself a small inner pat on the back for that small success. Here she'd thought he was hopeless, he did have a normal sense of humor, occasionally.

"And you're better are you? Miss know-it-all-has-to-be-perfect-not-to-mention-nosy Granger? You don't know anything except what you read in your precious books," he sneered.

She glared at him but she doubted he could see her in the dark. "I came here to help, not be insulted by some inbred prat." She inwardly sighed. Here came the insults. She hadn't meant to perpetuate it but he'd started it. She was just trying to help after all.

"I didn't ask for your help now did I, Mudblood?" She noticed that his arms were folded as if he owned the place and she was the intruder. She supposed she was the intruder and part of her felt bad about interrupting but the other part was much too curious. She wanted to know what could reduce Draco Malfoy to tears.

"No, but I thought I'd offer, I may hate you but that doesn't mean I want you miserable, well not too miserable anyway." She wasn't sure that was true. After all the misery he had caused her he deserved a good serving of it.

"Why are you being... well I wouldn't call it nice... civil, to me anyway?" he asked suspiciously.

"Well, it's the Christmas season, you know, peace on earth and good will towards man." She shrugged not even knowing if he could see her. She really didn't know but curiosity was a good excuse. "Not to mention you haven't tormented me this year, I figure I owe you." It wasn't true, she didn't owe him anything but she was willing to say it in an attempt to smooth things over. Again, she had no clue why.

"Just because I haven't shouted 'Granger's a Mudblood' from the top of the astronomy tower doesn't mean anything has changed. I still despise you and your stupid little friends."

"But just think how boring your years here at Hogwarts would be without us to torment," she said with a smile.

"I'd be bored out of my mind, that's for sure."

They were silent for a moment, Hermione wondering why she was still sitting there next to him and Draco wondering the exact same thing. Hermione didn't quite know how to handle the whole situation. There was no question that she despised Malfoy and everything he stood for but a part of her, a very small part, felt sorry for him. Not to mention he was showing emotion, at least that proved that he was human, something she'd doubted over the years. As of late she had begun to look at his teasing of her with amusement more than the usual hurt that had accompanied his insults through the years.

"So, do you come here often?" she asked lamely, trying to break the silence.

"I don't see how that's any of your business... and if I do it's probably so that no one will bother me."

Her eyes had adjusted enough to the dark to see that he had turned towards her, she assumed he was glaring.

"Well, if you hadn't made so much noise I wouldn't have bothered you," she shot back.

"I wasn't 'making noise' I just wanted to get away..."

"Away from what?" she asked gently.

"Everything... people looking at me, wondering if I'm just like my father, expecting me to be... I'm not like him," he said defensively.

"I never said you were."

"Don't pretend that you've never looked at my arm expecting to see the dark mark."

Hermione blushed, glad that he couldn't see her in the darkness, she actually had tried to look a few times.

"Tell Potter he can rest easy, I don't plan on killing him anytime soon."

"Anytime soon?"

"It was a joke."

"Ah."

Silence hung in the air like fog. So... Draco didn't want to be like his father, that was news to her. This little glance into Draco's mind puzzled her, it was odd but she had never figured that he had any feelings, she had always thought of him as a shell, a husk that was filled with hate, anger and prejudice without room for anything else, maybe she'd been wrong. She didn't doubt that he was hateful and prejudice but this conversation was beginning to give her a little insight as to why he was the way he was. She wondered if he behaved the way he did to please his father, to make him proud? She shuddered at the thought of what would make a man like Lucius Malfoy proud.

"Feel free to leave at anytime, I can just imagine what the Slytherins would think if they saw me here with you of all people."

"What would they think?" she asked curiously.

"Well, that I fancied you or something," he said uncomfortably.

Hermione put a hand over her mouth to stifle her hysterical giggles, she could, never in a million years, imagine herself with anyone remotely like Malfoy in any way. It took her a minute or two to finally compose herself.

"I don't see why that was so funny, you'd be lucky to find someone half as well-bred as I," he said arrogantly.

"Well-bred, yes, but I want someone who's kind and compassionate, who's funny... basically everything you're not."

"In other words someone like Potter or Weasley, speaking of them, which one do you fancy? There's a bet going 'round school about which one you'll end up with. I put my money on Weasley, it's obvious he fancies you."

"He does not," she protested, she didn't like the idea of the whole school making bets on her love life. "And as to the whole bet thing the answer is neither one, they're like my brothers and besides I would never risk losing my friendship with either one of them for a silly little romance. What about you? I suppose you'll end up marrying Pansy after graduation."

"I guess so, I've never really thought about it really, she's a pure-blood and she's rich, that's all that matters."

Hermione sighed in exasperation, "Is that all you care about? Don't you want someone you can sit and talk with, who you can enjoy spending the rest of your life with, someone you love?"

"That doesn't matter, I don't love Pansy and she doesn't love me but we're good with each other."

Hermione felt something well up in her throat and she was surprised to discover that it was sympathy. She wondered what he would be like in fifteen years, in a loveless marriage, just like his parents'? She wondered if in the end he would turn out exactly like his father, whether he wanted to or not.

"So you don't plan to become a Death-Eater?" she said switching back to the earlier topic.

"It's not like I'd tell you if I were but, in my opinion, it's better to remain neutral, then you don't have to worry about being on the losing side."

"I guess that's an intelligent way of looking at it but sometimes you have to do what's right instead of what's smart." She stifled a yawn and wondered how long she'd been sitting there talking to him.

She listened for the sounds of students talking quietly but it was silent. "Oh, no, it's past curfew. We have to go."

Draco realizing how late it was, stood up after her and they walked quietly through the library just in case Madame Pince was lurking somewhere near by. He watched as they reached the double doors leading out into the hall but when she turned the door knob it didn't budge.


	2. Stuck in the Library

"Alohamora!" Hermione said pointing her wand at the offending lock.

She tried to open the door again but it held fast. She glared at it as if the strength of her gaze alone might cause it to open. She wasn't that lucky. She turned her glare towards Draco as he walked up with his wand at the ready. So he thought his spell would be so much better than hers, did he? Well let him try. She folded her arms and waited for him to attempt to open it.

"Alohamora!" Draco said firmly as he pointed his wand at the door. Hermione stepped forward and with a smug look on her face she tried the door again only to see that it was still locked. Turning back to him she gave him an annoyed look.

"Anything else you'd like to try. Don't let me get in the way, we all know how good you are at Charms."

Suddenly the whole situation seemed to strike him as extremely funny and much to her chagrin he began to laugh. This made him worthy of a glare that Harry and Ron had long ago learned to be afraid of. Unfortunately it didn't stop his bout of laughter.

"This isn't funny, we have to find a way out of here, I have a Potions assignment I need to work on and it's my room."

This made him laugh harder and she was very close to casting a silencing charm on him. Why all of a sudden was he finding everything so incredibly funny? And why did she feel like it was at her expense? The corner of her mouth twitched in a near attempt at a wry smile. At least he wasn't upset. She supposed that was _something_.

"What is so funny?" she asked as she resisted the urge to put her hands on her hips. He looked at her and she was taken a bit aback. It suddenly occurred to her that he was smiling. Really smiling. The moonlight coming through the windows was illuminating him and it did wonders in improving his face. He didn't look like so much a ferret. He actually looked human. For some reason this surprised and perplexed her. In her mind Draco had always been one thing. Well, not exactly one thing, several things. Annoying. Rude. Hateful. Smirking. Those words came to mind. Laughing and smiling wasn't among them. She wasn't sure that she appreciated him ruining her image of him and replacing it with this person who was acting like a real human being. She always saw Draco through a haze of dislike and she wasn't sure she'd ever really looked at him.

She was looking now.

"It's Friday, Granger. You have all weekend to get your homework finished," he replied when he had stopped laughing. She watched as he leaned against a table, his arms folded across his chest. Hermione wondered if he was coming to any strange conclusions about her. Other than the fact that she was insane for wanting to actually do homework.

"Yes, well I like to get things done earlier," she muttered unhappily. One day, one day there would be someone who understood her compulsive need to be perfect when it came to her academics. It would always boggle her as to why everyone was so set on pushing homework aside. After all it had to be done so whether or not you jumped right in or procrastinated you'd have to do it anyway. Why not be happy about it? Enjoy it even? She shrugged. Sometimes she was a bit too bookish for her own good. Rarely did it bother her. Sometimes she just wanted someone to like her for it.

"So how are we going to get out of here?" She asked changing the subject. Several ideas floated through her head but none of them were likely to work, or end in anything but detention.

"Wait for Pince to come back in the morning?" he suggested helplessly. "I suppose we could try to bang on the door and hope someone who isn't Filch comes along and unlocks it, but it is after curfew so that's unlikely. Won't Potter and Weasley notice you're gone and come looking for you or something?"

"Doubtful. By this time they're usually off playing Wizard's Chess and I'm in my room studying." It wasn't that she didn't enjoy spending time with her best friends but this was her last year at Hogwarts and studies had to take a higher priority than they used to. While before she would sit and do homework while Harry and Ron did whatever Harry and Ron do it did take it's toll on her concentration when she was sitting there reading and they were arguing the finer points of a Quidditch match.

She sighed. "We have to find a way out. I'm not staying in here alone with you for an entire night. Why are the doors locked all of a sudden and why won't alohamora work?" Many times had there been midnight trips to the library by one of the trio and never had they had a problem getting in or out. This was definitely something new.

"Because someone broke in here a few nights ago and stole a very dangerous book from the restricted section." He said simply.

She stared at him.

"It wasn't me," he said defensively.

"But you know who did take it?" She asked knowing that in all likelihood he did. She couldn't imagine that Draco Malfoy, Prince of the Slytherins was left out of the loop on very much, especially if it involved stealing or something else that a student wasn't supposed to be doing. If a student had stolen it at all. She wondered what book it was.

"I have my suspicions," he said with a shrug.

"Well that makes you just as bad if you don't tell someone." He was hiding something. Physically he wasn't giving anything away but in her gut she could just feel that he had more than his suspicions. Well she wouldn't press the issue. It seemed to be a waste of time. She sat down in a chair next to him and rested her chin on her hands. "I guess the only thing we can do is wait until morning and then sneak out then," she said with a sigh of resignation. It was going to be an oh so very long night.

"I'm not happy about this either, Granger, but it is your fault, if you would have just left me alone we wouldn't be stuck here together. I guess being a Gryffindor and all you feel bound to save the world. Some people don't want saved."

"You know, I was beginning to think that minus the insults, the sarcasm, and the arrogance you were actually tolerable but I was wrong," she said walking off.

"Where are you going?" he asked getting off the table and following her.

"I'm going back to the corner to try and get some sleep, I don't want Madame Pince to walk in tomorrow morning and find us." 'I don't want anyone to walk in and find us,' she added silently to herself. She could only imagine what people would think.

* * *

Draco wanted to tell her to find her own corner, after all it was his not-so-secret-anymore- place. He debated upon finding some place else to rest until morning but he figured it was more practical to stay in the part of the library that he knew Pince wouldn't visit in the morning. Also, although he refused to admit it, being alone in the Library while it was dark didn't really appeal to him.

He followed her back to the reclusive little corner, his wand lighting the way so that he didn't get lost. He was surprised not to see the light from hers in front of him. Apparently she was adept at navigating through the library in the dark. Not that he was really that surprised. They made it to the little nook and he sat down a few feet away from her. He was beginning to regret ever going there in the first place. Today had been an uncharacteristically bad day and he had wanted to be left alone to think. His day had started off normal enough and then in Transfiguration he'd gotten a less than stellar grade on a test which was odd because he usually did really well in all of his classes. He was top student in his house, sixth student in his year, Granger being number one of course. The bad grade had stung a little.

After classes he'd had Quidditch practice and it had gone really well until he'd been hit by a bludger and had fallen twenty feet to the ground in front of everyone. It didn't look so good when the Captain of the Quidditch team falls off his broom. His team mates definitely hadn't thought so. Then he had gone up to his dorm, intent on taking a nap. Lately nightmares plagued his sleep and he usually woke up feeling more tired than when he'd gone to sleep. It was almost to the point where he was contemplating asking Madam Pomfrey for a sleeping draught. Something to chase away the night terrors. His nap had been postponed when he'd reached his room and found a letter sitting on his bed.

He opened it and knew immediately who it was from, his father. The last year and a half had been the best of Draco's life mainly because of the fact that his father was locked up in Azkaban Prison. Besides the occasional letter, he had been virtually free of his father. This letter had been berating as usual, the same old same old about letting a mudblood get higher grades than him. How it was making them look bad. As if being in Azkaban made a good impression on the world. The rest of the letter had gone on to talk about how his mother had visited him but Draco hadn't and how it was "disappointing". However, it had been the end of the letter that had sent chills through him.

"You're 'coming of age' ceremony will take place as planned this summer and I will be there to witness it" Draco knew exactly what ceremony he had been talking about, the one that would make him a Death-Eater.

"Are you all right? You kind of spaced out there for a moment," said Hermione and Draco looked over to see her watching him intently by the light of his wand that he still hadn't extinguished. He tried to pull his thoughts away from the path they had been going down. Thinking about what would happen wouldn't change it. Wouldn't stop it.

"I'm fine, I was just thinking." He said shortly. He hoped that she would leave it at that but he doubted he'd be that lucky. Maybe if he tossed a book at her she'd be distracted like a dog with a stick. That thought gave him a bit of amusement.

"What were you thinking about?"

"None of you business," he said plainly.

"Fair enough."

There were a few moments of silence as he looked off into the darkness. Suddenly shadows started moving and he looked over to see that she was taking off her robe. She then proceeded to undo her tie.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to get comfortable so I can go to sleep," she said pulling her vest over her head and then taking off her shoes so that she was wearing just her blouse and skirt.

He watched as she folded her vest to make a pillow and then laid down with her robe covering her like a blanket. He sat there for a little while, his wand still lit as he watched her back wondering if she was asleep yet. He smothered a yawn, it was getting late and he had a Quidditch match tomorrow. If he didn't sleep there was no way he was going to be alert enough to find the snitch. Granted the match was against Hufflepuff so he wasn't that worried.

He laid down and realized that he was in close proximity to Granger. Well, it couldn't very well be helped. He made sure no part of him was touching her and then he closed his eyes. If anyone had told him this morning that he would be sleeping next to Granger he would have hexed them into New Years without a second thought. Funny how life was like that. It would be a great way to torture Potter and Weasley, telling them that he had slept with their best friend. The only problem with that was she could in turn tell the whole school about how she had found him... upset. Not that they would believe her, but he decided he'd better not risk it.

He had never liked Granger much, there was the fact that she was a Gryffindor, a mudblood, and friend of Potter's, that in itself was enough to condemn her. He had also never forgotten about that incident in their third year when she had slapped him. No one slapped him. He had once wondered if she would have been put into Ravenclaw instead of Gryffindor whether or not he would have liked her any better... probably not.

"Malfoy?" Hermione said sleepily from beside him.

"Yes?" he replied.

"Good night."

He was caught off guard, he couldn't ever remember anyone saying those words to him, two simple words that he was sure other people heard all the time but were so rare to him. He didn't quite know what to say. Part of him wanted to come up with some scalding response but he swallowed any sarcastic retort that was bubbling forth.

"Er... 'night, Granger." It was going to be a long night.


	3. Escape From The Library

He was standing in a circle of robed figures. Their faces hidden by hoods and masks. He looked down and realized that he was wearing the same type of black robes. A figure stepped forward and Draco backed away in fear. The figure drew nearer and then threw his hood back to reveal long blond hair and features much like Draco's. His heart was pounding. His mouth was dry. Fear was pulsing through him like blood. Draco turned and tried to push his way through the crowd of Death Eaters, tried to get as far away as possible from his father. It was no use, he couldn't escape his fate. Lucius grabbed his arm and pulled him through the crowd. They reached the center of the room and sitting on a throne on a raised platform was a hunched figure and Draco's nose was assaulted with the smells of death and decay.

He was terrified.

His father pushed him to the ground so that he was kneeling in front of the Dark Lord.

"It is time to receive your legacy," said his father from beside him.

Draco watched, unable to move as his father rolled up the sleeve to Draco's arm and then the Dark Lord came forward, a wand clenched in his scaly hand.

"Become who you were born to be," his father whispered from beside him and all of a sudden Draco felt a searing pain on his forearm.

He screamed.

* * *

Hermione sat up with a start and looked around in confusion for a moment wondering where she was and then it all came back to her. She turned towards Draco, the source of what had woken her up. He was thrashing on the floor and moaning piteously. She shook his shoulder and he bolted up, his hand scratching his arm.

"Get it off, I don't want it, get it off!" he said hysterically. She heard real terror in his voice and to hear that coming from Draco Malfoy made her heart jump up in her throat. She fumbled for her wand wondering what could be attacking him.

"Lumos!" she said, making her wand flare to life with a bright light.

She shone her light on his arm but there was nothing there but five red lines where he had scratched himself. In the light she saw that his face was wet with sweat and tears. It made her insides feel funny to see him like that. Part of her almost liked seeing it because it proved that he was human like all of the rest of them. The other part wanted to take away whatever was terrifying him.

"There's nothing there," she said softly. She wanted to ask what he had been dreaming but she was pretty sure that she knew. He had been telling the truth about not wanting to be like his father. She couldn't really comprehend how he felt. She imagined he must feel trapped. Very, very, trapped.

Draco looked at his arm, marred only by the red puffy lines. He wasn't a Death-Eater, it had all been a dream, a horrible nightmare, not real. He turned and looked at Hermione his sense coming back to him. Her face was softly illuminated by the light of her wand and he saw something in her eyes... she was worried about him. But why? He'd tormented her and teased her in every hurtful way he had been able to think of, yet some small part of her cared? He couldn't comprehend why. They were enemies and had been from the beginning. They would always be enemies... but the feeling of her hand on his arm, of something warm and real, was oddly comforting.

"I'm fine," he said and it came out harsher than he'd intended it to be.

"I'm fine," he repeated softly. She awkwardly removed her hand from his arm and he had to stop himself from flinching as she pointed her wand at his arm, just as Voldemort had.

"Epidermis Repairis," she said tapping her wand softly on his skin. The scratches glowed and then faded until his skin was once again smooth. He suppressed a shiver as she ran her fingers over the healed skin inspecting her work.

"Thank you," he said in little more than a whisper.

"You're welcome. We'd better go back to sleep." She hesitated and he thought she might say something else but instead she extinguished the light from the wand and laid back down. He did the same, glad that she had respected his privacy enough not to ask what he had dreamed, what had made him react like that. He wondered if she had all ready guessed. It was Granger, of course she had guessed. It was some minutes later that he realized they were laying side by side, touching. It took him a long time to fall back asleep. He could hear Granger's deep even breathing and finally he drifted off to sleep and there were no more dreams.

* * *

Draco woke up and it took a few moments for his mind to register where he was. Judging from the light coming from the window he figured that it was early morning. He was surprised to discover that he wasn't freezing. It was December after all. He looked down and froze in shock as he realized why. He was laying on his back with his arms around Granger and she was laying on her side, facing him, with her leg draped over his and her face in the crook of his neck. He could feel her warm breath on his neck and he looked around not knowing what to do. He had never been in this position before. It wasn't waking up with a female that bothered him, it was that it was Granger and he was... well... cuddling.

One of his hands was touching her hair and he suddenly realized how soft it was. He had always figured that it was coarse and rough. Though he hated to admit it, the feeling of her breath on his neck was doing things to him he rather wished it wouldn't. After all, this was Granger. Snooty, know-it-all, Gryffindor Granger. He shifted uncomfortably which caused Hermione to nuzzle his neck.

... nuzzle.

He was being nuzzled.

He stayed still. What if Madame Pince just happened to walk by? He looked down at her suspiciously wondering if she was playing a joke on him but she looked like she was really sleeping. Her mouth was slightly open and her eyes were closed. He took a good look at her. She wasn't beautiful, that was sure, but he guessed that she was pretty in an unconventional way. Her lips were an attractive pink, she had a nice complexion sprinkled with tiny freckles, and such long eyelashes. Her brown eyes seemed to be flecked with gold... and they were looking right at him in confusion.

He awkwardly let go of her and she moved her leg off of him and after a few moments of shuffling they were sitting several inches away from each other in a deeply uncomfortable silence.

"I... uh... guess it must have been cold last night," she said finally breaking the silence.

"Freezing," he agreed quickly. "We could have frozen to death or gotten hypothermia or something." This was a moment that would go down in history as being the most awkward of his life.

"Exactly." agreed Hermione as she put on her vest and robe, stood up, and slipped her shoes on. She glanced over at him, really looking at him for the first time that morning, and then began laughing.

"What?" he asked, offended that she was actually laughing at him. It was very rare that he was on the receiving end of being laughed at.

"Your hair, here..." she stepped towards him and smoothed his hair back and he stood there and let her without knowing why. Lately he didn't know why he was doing a lot of things. Maybe it was the fact that he'd been sleep deprived for weeks or the stress of upcoming events but he wasn't being his usual self and it was annoying him. He tried to muster up an insult to make himself feel better but he failed. She had started talking again anyway.

"Much better," she said assessing him. "You should try wearing your hair without all of that gel in it. It would look nice." He wasn't sure if she was making fun of him or not but he didn't want to make it worse by looking at his reflection in the window.

"I like my hair the way it is, just fine, thanks," he was still unnerved by the way she was being civil to him and how he was reciprocating it. Well that was bound to end eventually.

Suddenly he had a vision of all of the Gryffindors wandering around school making fun of him about having nightmares. He was pretty sure that he'd been crying too. If anyone found out... well it wouldn't be good.

"You — you aren't going to tell anyone about last night are you... about my dream?" He resisted the urge to throw in a threat just for good measure but he bit his tongue. His brain wasn't quite awake enough for a battle of wits. He had the feeling that if he even attempted intimidation it wasn't going to work anyway.

"Why would I? It's no one's business but your own," she said matter-of-factly as she gave her self a once over and tried taming her hair a bit. He wanted to tell her that he was quite sure that no matter what she tried to do to it her hair was still going to look like a mess. He was very relieved to hear that she didn't plan on mentioning what had happened to anyone. He was very sure that this night was going to be a secret he was going to take to his grave.

"Why are you being nice to me?" Why was he being nice to her for that matter. Maybe her answer was the same as his.

She stared at him intently, "Maybe I see you in a new light."

Nope.

"I don't want your pity." He didn't want her to think that just because she had seen him at a vulnerable moment that it changed who he was. He was still Draco Malfoy and she was still Hermione Granger. There were no 'new lights'. He didn't want her to think that he was someone he wasn't. He knew who he was.

"Good, because I'm not giving it to you," she said shortly as she put her tie on. "We'd best go see if Madame Pince has unlocked the doors yet." Good plan. He was probably more anxious to escape the confines of the library and her company than she was.

Draco followed her feeling more confused about last night than ever. He tried to push his thoughts away but it wasn't working. The thing that he was most confused about was why it mattered to him whether she was nice to him or not. Why her opinion mattered at all.

* * *

Hermione felt Draco's eyes on her but resisted the urge to turn around. It had definitely been an interesting night, one she'd not soon forget. She thought back to a few moments ago to when she had woken up in Malfoy's arms. Just thinking it in her head sounded preposterous. But it had really happened, and he'd been looking at her with such a perplexed expression on his face. It seemed that one night had changed things between them in the oddest way. It definitely wasn't friendship, but a tentative understanding, a very odd, unexpected, confusing, understanding. Hermione peeked around the corner and saw that the library doors were indeed open and she wondered where Pince could be. Malfoy tapped her shoulder and pointed and Hermione spotted her bent over a pile of books on the other side of the library. The library was dimly lit this early in the morning so if they stuck to the shadows she figured they could get out with out being seen.

"You go first," Draco whispered in her ear and it sent shivers down her spine. As quietly as she could she made her way across the library hoping Madame Pince wouldn't choose that moment to turn around. She wished she had Harry's invisibility cloak, it would have made things so much easier. Before she knew it she was out in the hall and she motioned for Draco to follow her. He made it half way to the door when Madame Pince turned around.

"Who's there?" She asked in a screeching voice.

Draco made a run for it and once he was out in the hall he grabbed Hermione's arm and they ran down the hall and up the two flights of stairs and then down several corridors. When they finally stopped Hermione was so out of breath she had to lean against the wall for support.

"Do you think she saw us?" she asked between breaths taking a cautious peek down the hallway. Seeing that it was empty she felt a lot better. She noticed that Draco's hand was still on her arm and he seemed to notice it at the same time because he pulled away.

"No, it was still pretty dark. I think we're safe." They began laughing and it took her that much longer to catch her breath. They stood there for a few minutes in silence and finally Hermione decided she would be the one to break it. It was strange but she was kind of sad the night was ending. It had been strange but not entirely unpleasant.

"Well, I should get back to the tower," she said standing up. They each had to go their separate ways.

"Me too, to the dungeons I mean. Well Granger, I guess I'll see you in Potions next week,\. Have fun with your homework," he said walking to the left.

Hermione began walking to the right but stopped and turned around. "Malfoy?"

He turned around. "Yes?"

"I'll talk to you later?"

He hesitated for a moment and then with a nod he disappeared around the corner.


	4. An Awkward Goodbye

Two weeks later, Hermione was in her room packing. It had been a long few weeks filled with assignments, projects, essays, and homework. She was very glad that it was time for vacation. She would be going home for the Christmas holidays tomorrow and she wanted to make sure she had packed all of the necessities. That was easier said than done. Rooming with two other girls didn't speak well for organization, even at the best of times. Lavender and Parvati were very much the opposite of Hermione. They had various articles of clothing strewn all around as they tried to decide what to take home with them. Hermione watched with an absent look as they sat together on Lavender's bed giggling over some little love note a Ravenclaw had sent her. Turning her attention back to the task at hand, Hermione put the last few books in her suitcase, closed it, and then sat it at the end of her bed. 

While over the years Hermione had gotten used to the giggles and "girl-talk" that constantly went on in her room at the moment she was finding it hard not to be annoyed. Deciding that a little bit of time spent with Ron and Harry would be beneficial she made her way downstairs to the Common Room. She discovered her best friends sitting by the window. Hermione walked over to them and sat down in an empty chair.

"All packed and ready to go home?" Harry asked as he lazily flipped his wand up in the air and caught it.

"Just about. I have a few books to take down to the library but that's about it. Lavender and Parvati on the other hand are going to be stuck here all of holiday if they don't start packing already. The room's an absolute mess."

"I don't think I'd mind them staying," said Ron with a grin while Hermione rolled her eyes and Harry smiled. She would very much miss them while she was at home. She wanted to take them with her but with Voldemort out there she wasn't sure her ordinary muggle Christmas would be the safest thing for them. She was a little worried about going home and being away from the safety of Hogwarts herself, but at the same time she missed her parents a great deal. She sometimes felt as if she was a bad daughter for spending so much time away from home, even during the holidays and Summer. She wanted to make her parents proud but at the same time she worried that she wasn't going about it entirely the way she was supposed to. She rarely wrote them, not because she didn't love them but it was hard to find the time. For all her accomplishments she sometimes wondered if to them they were just the accomplishments of someone who was little more than a stranger. She was determined to use the next few weeks to fix that. 

Hermione sat talking with Harry and Ron for quite a long time. It was good to have time to spend with them. Over the last few weeks she had been tempted to tell them about what happened in the library but she wasn't sure they would see things in the same light as she had. Yes, there was no doubt about that. She and Draco had not spoken to one another at all since the night in the library. They had two classes together this year, Potions and Arithmancy, neither of which gave them much time to talk to one another. Not that he was making an effort. Although neither was she.

She listened as the clock chimed seven o'clock. Time really was flying by. She had just listened to Harry finishing a recount of what had happened at their Quidditch Team Christmas party earlier that afternoon. She and Ron had been rolling with laughter as he explained how Demelza Robins had tried to impress Dean Thomas by demonstrating her flying skills inside the castle. That had not boded well for anyone. After a few more minutes Hermione stood up, loathing to pull herself away from the comfort of her friends' company. 

"I'm going to go to the library, I'll be back soon," she said. Harry nodded and Ron waved her off as they decided to fit in a few games of Wizard's Chess before bed.

Hermione made her way to the library feeling quite cheery in the decorated halls of the castle. She absolutely loved this time of the year, even in the Muggle world it was magical. There were golden bubbles floating all throughout the castle and magical icicles hung from everywhere. She jumped suddenly when a suit of armor, in serious need of oiling, began a rather rusty rendition of Moordorf the red-nosed house elf. She couldn't keep a grin from her face. She adored Hogwarts.

When she got to the library Madame Pince was busily bent over her desk. Hermione noticed that this was probably the only part of the castle that wasn't decorated, the Library and the Slytherin Common Room perhaps. 

"I've come to return the books that I borrowed," said Hermione attempting to hand them to her.

Madame Pince looked up, "Would you mind putting it back on the shelf, I have so much to do before the holidays start tomorrow." She muttered something about children being inconsiderate and waiting until the last minute but Hermione decided that she would rather ignore that comment.

She made her way across the library and put two of the books back where they belonged. It gave her a simple kind of joy to do that and for a moment she envied the librarian. It must be nice to take care of so many books. To be so organized, be surrounded by knowledge. It was one of Hermione's favorite places in the whole castle. She looked down at the only book she had left, 'General Chemistry'. Her heart beating strangely in her chest she made her way over to the dusty and forgotten Muggle section. 

Hermione found the appropriate section on Muggle Science, small as it was, and put the book back in the exact place that she'd gotten it. She stood there for a moment, for some reason not wanting to move. While she wouldn't admit it, she knew why she was stalling. She'd thought about Malfoy occasionally these last few weeks. In class he ignored her much like he had been doing since his father was shipped off to Azkaban. She had never really realized how much he had left them alone these past few years. He was always ready to hand out a snide comment when the opportunity presented itself but he had stopped going out of his way to make them miserable. She wondered why it had taken her so long to realize the change in him. 

Hermione walked down the aisle and peeked her head around the corner only to find it empty. She didn't know why that disappointed her but her heart had done a strange little lurch. It was probably for the best. She needed to get back to the Common Room and make sure all of things were in order and then get some rest. The last thing she needed was to deal with Draco Malfoy. She stopped herself from sighing, turned around, and ran right into something... someone. Hands gripped her arms and kept her steady. She looked up to find herself staring into stormy gray eyes. 

Draco.

"I was returning a book," she said quickly. She hoped that he didn't think that she had gone there specifically looking for him. Then again it was Malfoy, she was sure that his ego would know better. She tried to stop her face from turning red. 

"Oh?" he asked raising an eyebrow skeptically. She couldn't read his mood and that annoyed her. 

"Yes." Hermione replied in a matter of fact manner. She wanted to ask him how he'd been doing lately but she doubted that he wanted to talk about his life with her. Yet that didn't stop a million things from going through her mind. It was odd how instantly she seemed able to summon two weeks' worth of conversation in her head. Strangely enough, the topic that was first and foremost in her head was why he hadn't talked to her at all. She didn't tell him that though.

"So, are you getting ready to go home for the holidays?" she asked making polite conversation and trying to still the other thoughts that she was thinking.

"I'm not going home." She detected something in his voice that told her that was not the best subject to start the conversation off with. Before she could attempt to fix her fumble he continued and she almost cringed.

* * *

"Isn't it funny?" Draco said bitterly. "All of these years of making fun of Potter because no one wanted him home for the holidays, now look at me." He absently noted that he might be taking out some of his anger on Granger but as far as he was concerned she deserved it for being where she was. All he wanted was to be alone, again, and she just had to show up. It was ridiculous and part of him wanted to teach her not to do it again, ever.

"I'm sure your mother--"

"No, she doesn't," Draco said cutting her off. Already she had managed to get to the root of the problem. Granger had a way of doing that to him. If it was anyone else he could just ignore them. She wouldn't allow him to ignore her, or he didn't want to, either way it was all pouring out.

"She owled me yesterday and told me not to bother coming home. Apparently she's going on vacation so I'm staying. There's really no other option, what with my father in Azkaban and all," he said looking pointedly at her. If her and her stupid little friends...

"It wasn't my fault that he was sent there," she said defensively.

"Wasn't it? If you and 'Dumbledore's Army' hadn't gone to the Ministry of Magic that night he wouldn't have been caught now would've he?" he didn't know why he was suddenly blaming her but he was angry at his mother for practically abandoning him. He'd been wanting to lash out and Crabbe and Goyle had been avoiding him. His anger had found an outlet in Granger.

"Your father chose to break the law, it's his own fault that he's there, not mine, not Harry's... and not yours."

He stopped, trying to think of something to say, of course it wasn't his fault. Of course not. That had never stopped his father from blaming him these last few years. Lucius' words sounded through his head... He should have been keeping a sharper eye on Potter. Should have been more of a distraction. Should have killed him even, but he had failed. He was a worthless failure. 

When he didn't say anything she ran her fingers through her hair uncomfortably. For a moment he remembered how soft her hair felt.

"Well, I better make sure I've got all my packing done."

He was surprised to hear something in her voice that sounded like disappointment. Did she want a reply? Was he supposed to say something deep and important? 

"Packing? I thought you would be staying here for the holidays." He felt a little disappointed. Everyone he knew was leaving and he had almost hoped that at least she would be there to talk to. It was hard for him to have an intelligent conversation with someone in his own house. Crabbe and Goyle couldn't form an intelligent thought between themselves and everyone else in his house either drooled over him or resented him. She was the one person who really talked to him... he liked that.

"I'm going home to visit my parents. I haven't spent a lot of time with them lately..." she trailed off and he was thankful that she had sensed that he really didn't want to hear about her plans with her family. Not when his family didn't even want him. Perfect Granger... good grades, best friends, a family who loved her. He wasn't sure that he could feel more jealousy than he did at that moment. He made himself push it away. It wasn't her fault. Still, the turmoil inside of him was bubbling up and he wanted to blame her. He had to get away before he said something he might regret.

"Have a good visit," he said turning around and walking away from her. He needed to get as far away from her as possible. There was just something inside of him that wouldn't let her in. He couldn't rely on her, he couldn't rely on anybody. He had only himself.

"Thanks." He heard her say but he ignored her. He made his way back to Slytherin and then sought the solace of his bed where he stayed up all night tossing and turning.

* * *

The next day, Draco sat at the window watching the other students board the thestral-drawn carriages that would take them to Hogsmeade where they could catch the Hogwart's Express. He wished he was with them. It was rare that he felt the need to actually 'wish' for things but sometimes he couldn't help himself. Wishing never changed anything, never made anything better, but he would've given anything to be down there with him. Instead he would be staying in this drafty old castle feeling forgotten. He watched as the last of the carriages disappeared and then he went downstairs into the empty Common Room.

Nearly all the students had gone home this year. Draco was the only Slytherin that had stayed and it made him feel even more pathetic. He had just sat down and got started on his transfiguration homework when there was a knock at the entrance to the Common Room. He got up wondering if maybe someone else was staying as well. It would give him no end of delight if someone had accidentally missed the train. Especially if it was Pansy. Draco spared himself a moment to think of the brunette. While her face was nothing to look at she had more than enough other talents to make up for it. Draco opened the door and in entered none other than the Headmaster himself. 

Draco had no love for Albus Dumbledore. He was a sentimental, old, fool who should have retired ages ago and let someone more capable take over. Someone who wasn't a muggle-lover. Despite all of that Draco knew that he was still dangerous. Draco saw that Dumbledore was wearing red robes and red hat trimmed in white, just like another wizard long ago who had loved muggles so much that every Christmas he'd given them presents. He wondered what the Headmaster could want.

"A bit more drafty than I remember it," he muttered and Draco wondered when Dumbledore had last been in the Slytherin Common Room, ages ago probably. He had a terrifying vision of Dumbledore coming to visit a lonely Tom Riddle during the holidays. He tried to shrink away from such a comparison. 

"It's come to my attention that you are the only one of your house that decided to stay and celebrate the holidays here at Hogwarts." Dumbledore said cheerily.

He hadn't _decided_ to stay, there had been nowhere else for him to go.He nodded anyway. He guessed Dumbledore was trying to not rub the current situation in his face.

"Well, no one should spend the holidays alone so I arranged for you to stay with another house."

'Not Gryffindor,not Gryffindor,' Draco thought fervently.

"Gryffindor Tower has a few occupants in your year and I'm sure they would be pleased to have you."

"I wouldn't want to impose on them," Draco said hurriedly. "I'll be perfectly fine here alone. It will give me a chance to study uninterrupted. Or perhaps I should stay with Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff instead," he said hoping that there was some way he could get out of this. He could just imagine those of his year that were staying in Gryffindor. Potter no doubt. Just the thought of being stuck with him made his skin crawl.

"Hufflepuff is empty and there are only three Ravenclaws left, all of them second years. I'm sure you'll have fun spending the holidays with your peers," he said, his eyes twinkling. Draco had a feeling that no matter how much he pleaded he was going to have to spend the holidays in Gryffindor Tower, or as he referred to it, Hell.

"I'll go get my things," he said trying to hold in a sigh but failing.

He followed Dumbledore silently through the halls glowering. This was going to be the worst two weeks of his life, the ultimate Christmas from Hell. In his most horrible nightmares he had never imagined actually having to live with Potter and Weasley. Just the thought of it was enough to send him running in the opposite direction. Yes, this was going to be a very hellish holiday indeed.


	5. Hermione's Holiday

I'd like to thank everyone for the reviews. You guys are amazing!!

* * *

"Mum! Dad!" said Hermione wildly waving to get their attention. She ran over to them and each of her parents gave her a big hug. Despite their differences she was glad to see them. Her father helped put her luggage into the trunk and then they all got into the car and started the fairly long drive home. While she was very excited to see them she sensed a bit of distance between them all and she couldn't tell if the source was her or them. It saddened her to feel like she had alienated herself from her own family. She wanted nothing more than to feel like she was part of their lives but even now, seeing them, she didn't.

After a long uncomfortable silence her Mother broke it by asking about her friends. It was a topic that Hermione could whole-heartedly jump into.

"Harry and Ron are doing great. They told me to pass on Merry Christmas wishes," she said as she absently wondered what fun she was probably missing out on at the moment.

"You should invite Harry and Ron over for the summer before you start at the University." Hermione had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. Her mother wanted her to go off to a Muggle university after she graduated from Hogwarts. She reasoned that Hermione had her Magical education so now she needed a normal one. Hermione didn't entirely disagree but she did think that it should be her choice. At the moment, when she thought about her future, a Muggle University wasn't part of it. Thankfully she was saved from starting that discussion by her father.

"I wouldn't mind seeing more of those friends of yours," Jonathan Granger said. "That Arthur Weasley seems like a nice chap. We should have him over for dinner this summer."

"I'm sure he'd love that," she said with a smile. Mr. Weasley would probably be incredibly delighted to be invited to a Muggle house for dinner. She could just imagine what he would think of their house. He would probably spend hours asking how things worked and trying to take things apart. Still, it would be interesting. She wondered what her parents would think of the Burrow and how things worked there. She could just imagine her Mother's horror when she saw garden gnomes running about causing havoc.

Hermione's father, Jonathan Granger, was a middle-aged man with gray threading through his short, dark brown hair. He had a mustache that he kept neatly trimmed and he also looked very tidy and well-kept. He was quite the bookworm who loved knowledge as much as his daughter. Emily, her mother, was short with golden brown, curly, hair that was sensibly tied back. She wore sensible clothes and she had a no-nonsense attitude and she always wanted to hear the facts, much like her daughter. Hermione was definitely her parent's daughter. When she was younger, their personalities had always made for interesting dinner discussions.

After awhile the conversation trailed off and Hermione looked out the window and at the snow covered countryside. A little while later they pulled into the driveway and Hermione looked at the house thinking that it didn't feel quite like home to her. Hogwarts had replaced it in her heart many years ago. Her father carried her trunk up into her room while her mother told her to get unpacked while she made dinner. Hermione looked around the little house. It wasn't small by Muggle standards but compared to the vaulted ceilings and grand halls of Hogwarts she almost felt like she was Hagrid's size. She walked up the stairs thinking that they were much daintier than she was used to.

Hermione walked into her bedroom and looked around. It still had the same look that it had had seven years ago. The walls were white and bordered with pink trim. Her carpet was light pink and so were the bed covers. She opened the closet to put away her clothes and sitting in the corner was a large doll house. She had never been overly fond of her room because her mother had decorated it. Pink had never been Hermione's favorite color but during the summer holidays she was always so busy that she never got around to redecorating. She made a mental note to make time the next time she was home and then she realized that she didn't know when that would be. Would she come home after she graduated? She didn't know and that thought suddenly made her very sad.

By the time she had finished unpacking and washed up, dinner was nearly done so she set the table and then sat down wondering why if she was at home, did she feel so absolutely homesick?

* * *

Hermione sat at the table, staring at her plate, pushing her food around with her fork. She and her parents were going to decorate the tree tonight and she couldn't wait. Of all the Christmastime traditions that had always been her favorite. Each ornament had a story and her father delighted in telling them. Hermione never got tired of hearing about her parents first Christmas together in their little apartment, or the time when Hermione was two and almost pulled the whole tree down on top of herself It was nice to share in the memories and feel like she really belonged. So far that feeling had been sorely missing this visit. She still felt like an outsider and she was hating it.

"So dear, have you decided yet what you want to do after you graduate?" Emily asked as she sipped a glass of wine. Hermione looked over at her and carefully debated the answer. Evading the question seemed like the easiest thing to do but at the same time it was a conversation that had to be had eventually. She might not see her parents again until graduation so really sooner was better than later.

She took a deep breath.

"I was thinking about going into medical magic or doing research somewhere. I'd love to discover new spells and potions. I'm at the top of my year so there are a lot of opportunities open to me," she explained trying to hold in her excitement. She always got filled with such wonderful anticipation when she thought about the future. She still wasn't sure what she wanted to do but she was sure that if she put her mind to it nothing was out of her grasp. Mediwitch, Auror, Ministry Official, Teacher... she could do it all if she wanted.

"That's nice. Your father and I were talking the other day and we still think it's a good idea if you go to a regular University for a few years. You know, just in case things in the wizarding world don't work out," her mother said while sharing a look with her father.

Hermione tried to keep a frown from her face and failed. She had expected to sense some sort of pride in them, happiness that she was doing so well. Apparently she had set her expectations a bit too high. Her mother was acting as if being the top student at Hogwarts meant nothing at all. What did she mean by 'things not working out'? This wasn't a job or a class, this was her life.

"Well," Hermione said with a little pause, "I might think about taking a few classes over the summer or something." It wasn't true, she had absolutely no intention of doing anything of the kind, but it was Christmas and she didn't want to argue. She didn't want her parents to be disappointed in her. The only thing that she wanted was their approval and at the moment that seemed to be eluding her.

"We just don't want you wasting your potential," her Father said.

Hermione tried not to let that hurt too much.

"I wouldn't be wasting my potential by working in the Wizarding world," she said through clenched teeth. She tried not to let what he said bother her but it did more than she was allowing it to show. She felt like they were disappointed in her and that was something that Hermione Granger was not used to feeling.

"We never said you would be," her Mother hurriedly.

"You just implied it. I'm a witch and I can't change that, I don't _want _to change that. It's part of who I am." At this point she was holding back tears.

"We have new neighbors!" her Mother said, cheerily changing the subject as if nothing had happened. Part of Hermione was grateful and the other part wanted her parents to say something that would erase their earlier words from her mind.

"They moved in a few days after you left for school. I think we mentioned them in a letter?"

Hermione nodded silently.

"Well, they have a son a little older than you his name is Ben and he plans to become a surgeon. We've told him all about you, well, except, you know. You can go see a film with him this weekend if you want to. I'm sure your Father and I wouldn't mind," her mother said with a smile.

Hermione kept herself from sighing out loud. Now her parents were trying to find her a boyfriend. Before she could stop herself words were pouring out of her mouth.

"I have a boyfriend." The words sounded absurd to her even though she was seventeen. The idea wasn't that ludicrous. Still, she had to resist the urge to giggle.

"Really?" her mother asked raising an eyebrow and sounding surprised. "What's his name?"

"Draco."

Hermione wanted to kick herself. Of all the names that had to slip out it had to be _his_. She had tried to avoid thinking about him. She was still a little... she wasn't sure what she was actually. It wasn't happy, that much she knew. The way he had left her in the library had mixed up her emotions, much more than it should've. The whole train ride to King's Crossing she had been consumed with thoughts of him. She felt badly that he was stuck staying at Hogwarts and she didn't know what she could do to make it better.

And what made it worse.

So much worse...

Was that she kinda missed him.

"What an interesting name. We'll have to invite him and his parents over for dinner sometime," her mother said with a smile.

"Sure, that would be great," Hermione lied. She could never picture Draco Malfoy, let alone Lucius Malfoy, coming to dinner. The very thought of it was laughable. She could just imagine telling her mother that her 'boyfriend's' father was a convict. All in all she was just glad that she hadn't said Harry or Ron. That would have made things much too complicated.

An hour later, once dinner had been finished and the table had been cleaned up, her Father pulled out boxes upon boxes of decorations while her Mother made them all large, steaming, mugs of hot chocolate. Hermione absently listened to the stories as she stared out the window watching the snow fall. She wanted nothing more than to be with her friends where she didn't feel so out of place. She hated this feeling. She wanted to go _home_.

The phone that was sitting right beside her rang, startling her from her thoughts.

"Hello, Granger residence," she said automatically as she picked it up. Even using the phone felt strange. It had been so long.

"This is Mercy Hospital in San Francisco, California. We have a woman here by the name of Maude Granger. We found this number among her belongings."

"That's my Grandmum. Is she all right?" asked Hermione anxiously.

"Are your parents home?"

Hermione handed the phone to her father who was standing next to her, looking as worried as Hermione felt.

Her father went into the other room and Hermione sat there for what seemed like hours. She had never been especially close to her Grandmum, she was one of those free-spirits who liked to roam the world and the lat time Hermione could ever recall seeing her she'd been eight or nine. Finally her parents re-entered the room and she could see that they were upset.

"Your Grandmum suffered from a massive heart attack. She just got out of surgery. She's in critical condition. They don't know if she's going to make it. We have to go to the States," her father said worriedly as he turned to her mother.

"Yes, of course," agreed her mother. "The passports are upstairs, call the airlines and book the first available flight. Then call Elliot and make sure that he can look after the office and notify our patients. I'll go get packed."

Jonathan Granger gave his wife a pointed look and she turned around as if just remembering that Hermione was there.

"I'm sorry Hermione but we have to go. Will you be all right here by yourself?" she asked, running her fingers through her hair.

"I'll see if I can go back to Hogwarts or something. I'll be fine," she said hurriedly. Part of her was relieved that they were leaving and the other part chastised her for it. She wanted to be sad that her parents were going away and that she wasn't going to have her perfect Christmas holiday. Still, she was going to get to go back to Hogwarts where she was going to get to see...

Everyone.

"I'll leave money for you in the top drawer and if you need a ride to King's Cross station you can have your Aunt Barbara drive you. Your Christmas gifts are in the closet upstairs. If you go back to school early take them with you," she said rushing upstairs.

"Okay Mum, I will."

A little while later she watched from the window as they drove away. She looked over at the partially decorated Christmas tree and sighed.

"Some Christmas this is turning out to be," she said to herself.

Hermione went upstairs and opened her bedroom window. There was an owl roosting in the tree outside and she imitated a hoot to wake it up. She frequently used him during the summer and as long as she gave him a treat every now and then he was happy to deliver messages for her. She let him inside and gave him an owl treat while she wrote a letter to Dumbledore.

When she was finished she read it out loud to herself.

"Headmaster Dumbledore,

My parents have been called away to the States due to a family emergency. I was hoping that it would be possible for me to return to Hogwarts for the remainder of the Christmas Holidays. As I do not own a broom, nor can I apparate I was hoping that you could request that my house be temporarily connected to the Floo Network so that I can return.

Yours truly, Hermione Granger."

Hermione tied the message to the owl's leg, gave him directions, and then she went downstairs. She looked at the tree and then decided, with nothing better to do, she might as well finish decorating it. She missed Harry, Ron, and Ginny sorely. She could just imagine how much fun she would have decorating the tree with them. She allowed herself a moment to think about Draco. While part of her wanted to imagine that it would be just as fun decorating the tree with him too she knew that it was far from the truth. He'd be aloof and hateful as always, just like he usually was.

The Gryffindor made her way up to her bedroom, climbed into bed and spent a long time laying there. Strange thoughts were going through her head and she tried to block them out but she couldn't. She wondered what Draco was doing. She could just see him in the Slytherin Dorms all by himself. She felt so badly for him sometimes. He didn't have friends like she did, or a family. She had Harry and Ron, the whole Weasley family and he had no one. How could someone survive life like that? She wasn't sure she could. Finally she began to drift off to sleep hoping that Draco's holiday wasn't going too badly, and that she would be back at Hogwarts by morning.


	6. “What kind of dream is this?”

Earlier that day, Draco walked into the Gryffindor Common Room with Dumbledore at his side and the temperature seemed to drop several degrees. It wasn't because of an open window. Draco smirked and coldly returned the stares of Potter, Weasley and the Weasley girl. So this was how it was going to be? Not even the pretense of civility? Well that was fine with him. He'd rather them hate him to his face than behind his back. He certainly wasn't going to hide his disdain for them. Dumbledore left with, what annoyed Draco to see, a smile. Draco sat his bags down. If he was going to be stuck in this tower with them then he was going to make sure that they were as miserable as he was.

"Well? Aren't you going to welcome me? Gryffindor hospitality leaves something to be desired," he said walking across the room as if he belonged there. He sat down in a large armchair and took in his surroundings. He was definitely in Hell, nearly everything was decorated in red. It was making his eyes hurt. He longed for the soothing, dull, colors of his own Common Room.

"Bugger off, Malfoy," said Harry through clenched teeth. Draco noticed that his hand was close to the wand that was sticking out of his pocket. God he hated Potter. He wasn't afraid of him, at least not now. Not even Potter was stupid enough to do anything to him, not at the risk of angering Dumbledore. After all, he was their guest. Draco wanted to snicker.

"Aren't we a happy family?" he asked lazily as he surveyed the other two as he propped his feet up on the table and relaxed his arms behind his head.

Weasley looked too angry to say anything and stomped upstairs muttering something about ruined holidays. Right before he heard a door slam he heard something about how sharing the tower with a herd of hippogriff would be preferable. After a few moments Potter soon followed gifting him with a scalding glare. He was then left with the youngest Weasley. He sure did know how to clear a room. He was kind of proud of himself.

Draco looked at her and she stared steadily back at him.

"Well, the only girl in the Weasley brood are you? I'm surprised you're not wearing men's clothes. Everyone knows hand-me-downs are a Weasley tradition." He felt quite proud of himself for coming up with that. Hopefully she'd leave soon and he'd have the common room to himself. There was no way in Hell he was going to sleep in the dorms. No one could pay him enough to sleep in a bed that a Gryffindor had slept in. Of it's own volition his mind thought back to the night in the library when he'd woken up with _her_. He pushed those thoughts away telling himself that it had been different. It had been different. There had been no other option if he didn't want to freeze to death.

Yeah, that was right. It had been freezing.

"Compared to the traditions in your family I'm quite happy with my family's traditions thank you very much." With that she got up and left him glaring after her. She had no right to talk to him like that, she was poor and... and a _Weasley_.

He got up and got his bag and then he pulled out his homework. At least he had something to do. The Professors were evil, all of them. You'd think they'd have the decency to at least give them a little bit of time to relax before they had to jump into formulas and essays but no/ He had more homework than he knew what to do with. Half an hour had passed when suddenly something jumped into his lap, scaring him half to death and making his quill fly out of his hand as his arms flew up in the air. Looking down he saw that it was Granger's ugly, old, hairy, cat. He pushed the cat off of him, fetched his quill and then sat back down. Not two seconds later it had jumped back up on him.

He hated cats.

"Shoo!" he said pushing him off again. Cats shed. They were filthy, and pretty much useless, what was the point? His father had never kept anything but owls and hunting dogs. Apparently Granger's cat was determined to change his mind about the feline race because he jumped back up. Draco pushed him off again and then the cat began to rub his head against Draco's leg. Finally fed up, Draco kicked at him and the cat ran away hissing, almost falling over itself as it tried to run and swipe its' claws at him at the same time. Ten minutes later it was back and Draco was seemingly forgiven. He was really starting to get annoyed.

Merlin, he hated cats.

"Get away from me you filthy animal or I'll toss you into the fireplace." The cat didn't look very impressed. He sat there watching Draco with large feline eyes, his tail slowly swishing back and forth. Draco had a feeling that the cat was hungry and seeing him as his next meal. Didn't anyone feed their pets around here?

"I'll skin you and feed your remains to the giant squid," Draco threatened, trying not to feel stupid for talking to it. Again the cat didn't look very impressed. He stood up, stuck his tail straight up in the air and walked away. Draco began to laugh and then he realized it was because the cat very much reminded him of Granger.

Later that day Draco sat in the Common Room, feeling like he was in enemy territory. Harry and Ron were playing Exploding Snap while he and the Weasley girl were playing wizards chess. He hadn't wanted to at first but she had baited him into it and boy did he feel sorry for any man unlucky enough to marry her. So far they had played five games and the score was three versus two and unfortunately he was the one losing.

While he was playing he had to admit he was a bit distracted. He was plagued with the strangest thoughts. He was sitting here where Granger sat every night after classes. It was odd to picture her sitting there, nose buried in a book. He wondered what she thought about as she sat in this room, maybe by the window. Probably how to save the world. It was Granger, after all. He spared a few thoughts, trying to imagine what she was doing right now. Probably meeting her parents at King's Cross and going back home. He had never cared what Muggles did for the holidays but now he was quite curious. If he'd taken Muggle Studies he would probably know. However, no Slytherin ever took Muggle Studies.

Draco wondered at this sudden desire to understand her and her life. Really it didn't matter. What was she? Just another student. A Gryffindor student at that. Not to mention his father's enemy. The Dark Lord's enemy, and here he was wondering what she was going to have for Christmas dinner.

He was bloody insane.

And he'd just lost at chess, again.

Draco was a pretty good chess player in his own right but until now he hadn't had very challenging partners. His fellow Slytherins were either too dumb to play or to afraid to beat him so it was very rarely that he lost a game. He grudgingly had to admit the Weasley was pretty good. Still, he was sure he would have made for more of a challenge if he could wrap his mind around something other than Granger. He was bored, that was the problem. He needed something to do that would make him forget she even existed. Where was Pansy when you needed her?

"Good game," the female Weasley said holding out her hand. Draco shook it, he was in enemy territory after all. He had to bite back a sarcastic remark as he mumbled congratulations. Slytherins were not good losers.

Afterwards he fetched his cloak and went outside, intent on getting away from the fiery red of the Common Room. The grounds were under several feet of snow so he used a spell that would allow him to walk on top of the snow. He was strolling by the lake when he heard a noise behind him. Turning around he saw that it was the cat. It was jumping through the snow where it would disappear only to leap up again and then again disappear. Draco found this quite amusing and stood there laughing. After a few minutes he took pity on the animal and cast the spell allowing it to also walk on the snow. The cat seemed to take that to mean that Draco wanted his company so he bounded over to him and sat at Draco's feet. Draco resisted the urge to put the cat on the frozen lake to see if he could skate. He doubted that Granger would appreciate it and he had no desire to die at such a young age.

Again with thoughts of Granger. He was hopeless.

Draco hated Christmas and had for as long as he could remember. It had never been a very happy time for him. There were never any decorations at Malfoy Manner. Nothing. When he was six he had hidden a Christmas tree up in his room. It had been little more than a few twigs stuck together but he had found things to decorate it with, his mother's scarf, pieces of colored paper, his father's old cufflinks. When his father had seen the tree he had set it on fire with a flick of his wand and told Draco that Christmas trees were stupid and childish. Draco had never cared much for Christmas after that.

As far as gifts went he always got what he wanted but the gifts were never really special to him. There was never any real thought put into it. Every year his mother would ask him for a list of what he wanted and then he'd wake up on Christmas morning and they'd be sitting at the end of his bed, unwrapped. Every Christmas was like that and then he always went downstairs, kissed his mother on the cheek and thanked his father and that was all that was ever said about it. This year his mother hadn't asked him what he wanted and he wondered if she would get him anything at all. A part of him hoped that she would pick the gifts out herself. Even if he hated them.

It began to snow again and Draco figured he'd better get back to the castle. He was starving. He walked by the Great Hall, and what he saw made him backtrack towards the kitchens very quickly. Since there were so few students and staff left there had been just one table set up in the middle of the Hall. He saw that the only seat left was between Dumbledore and Filch, a _squib_. Needless to say eating with the House Elves was preferable.

Later that evening, Draco sat in the common room staring out the window and into the dark night. It had stopped snowing and the moon was shining its silver light down onto the white snow below. The stars were twinkling like tiny icicles hung up in the night sky. He liked looking at the sky at night, and early morning just as the sun was rising. It made him feel calm inside somehow... no matter how bad things were the sun would still rise and the moon would still travel across the sky. He took comfort from that. The fire in the fireplace flickered low reminding him that he should be getting to bed soon. He made his way over to the couch and laid down.

'The cat', as he unaffectionately called him jumped up and laid down beside him. Draco ignored him hoping that he would go away but the cat was nothing but persistent. He butted Draco's hand with his head and finally Draco gave in and pet him. They were alone in the common room and Draco decided he ought to get some sleep. He was supposed to be sleeping in the seventh year's dorm room but there was no way he was sleeping in the same room as the demented duo. He was sure they felt the same way so here he was, trying to sleep but unable to. Draco absently pat the cat, as he tried to think of a way to keep himself from going insane over the rest of the holiday. If only...

Well, if only Granger were there. At least things would be that much more close to the line of tolerable. Again, his mind wandered to how her first day away from Hogwarts was going. Miserable he hoped. That's what she got for abandoning him with her stupid friends. He tightly closed his eyes trying to block out the image of her soft bushy hair and her brown eyes.

Hopeless, he was.

Finally Draco fell asleep, his hand resting lightly on the cat's head.

* * *

The next morning Hermione woke up as morning sunshine flooded through her room. She stretched and yawned and then sleepily got out of bed. The owl she had sent to Hogwarts was surprisingly back already and asleep on her windowsill. Hermione opened the window and took the letter and the pouch that was tied to it's leg. Opening it, she read it out loud.

"Miss Granger, I am sorry to hear about your family emergency. You are welcome to return and spend the remainder of the holiday here. Your house will be connected to the Floo Network for today only from 10:00am to 10:05am. I have also provided a bit of Floo powder. -Albus Dumbledore."

Hermione sighed in relief. She had forgotten that she didn't have Floo powder. She would have to thank Dumbledore for having the foresight that she didn't. She had been worried that she would be stuck there alone for the next week and half. She looked over at her alarm to see how much time she had to get ready and she stopped in horror. It was 9:56am. She had all of four minutes.

"How I could I sleep so long?" she asked herself frantically as she ran around her room and began shoving her clothes and belongings into her trunk.

Hermione ran downstairs and left her father a message on his voicemail telling him that she was going back to Hogwarts so she would be fine. She went back upstairs wondering if she had forgotten anything. She knew all of the doors and windows were locked and she hadn't left any appliances on... time to go then. She dragged her trunk down the stairs and to the fireplace and then she suddenly remembered that she had forgotten her Christmas presents. She ran back up stairs to her parents room and opened their closet door. She rummaged through bags until she found the one holding her presents. She grabbed the bag and made her way back down the stairs. It was three minutes after ten, she had to hurry. She maneuvered her trunk into the fireplace, the very small fireplace. To even fit inside she had to crouch down nearly to the ground. She took the pouch of floo powder and dumped its contents in her hand.

"Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Gryffindor Tower Common Room!" she said dropping the Floo powder. The world began to spin.

* * *

It had taken Draco forever to fall asleep the night before. His mind had refused to rest, leading him to spend all night thinking ludicrous thoughts. He was still laying on the couch, his mind drifting back and forth between being awake and asleep. Suddenly he heard something strange. Draco sat up and opened his eyes and he blinked in shock. Standing in the fireplace was Hermione Granger... wearing a flannel night gown, covered in soot, and with her hair ten times frizzier than usual.

"What kind of dream is this?" he asked incredulously. It was bad enough that he was dreaming about Granger but for Merlin's sake she was wearing a _flannel_ nightgown.

He'd thought he had more imagination than that.


	7. Of Filch and Snowball Fights

Hermione looked around confused. For a moment she thought she had transported herself into the Slytherin Common Room by mistake but it looked like the Gryffindor Common Room and that was Crookshanks lying next to Draco Malfoy. The question was why was Draco in her common room? She stood there and looked at him as he looked back. She would have found it comical if she wasn't so entirely confused.

"What are you doing here?" she asked stepping out of the fireplace, dragging her belongings out with her.

"This isn't a dream?" he asked sleepily.

"Of course it isn't! What are you doing with my cat?" she asked sharply picking Crookshanks up as if she thought he intended to devour him. What confused her more than the fact that Draco was in her Common Room was the fact that Crookshanks had been laying with him. The little feline traitor.

"I'm staying here for the holidays," he said simply as he sat up. She hesitated for a minute before sitting down next to him.

Draco staying Gryffindor Tower. That was news worthy, she ought to alert the media. She gave a him a once over and felt herself blush. He was wearing his expensive, green, silk, pajamas and here she was covered head to toe in soot.

Just as she realized how ridiculous they looked sitting together he began laughing. She glared at him but there was a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. She knew she must look a fright and she _had _just crawled out of the fireplace. She couldn't help but join in the laughing. Afterwards she told him about why her vacation had been cut short and he, in turn, told her about how Dumbledore had made him stay with the Gryffindors. She found that all kinds of hilarious.

"And you're still alive after twenty-four hours stuck here with Harry and Ron?" she giggled. Crookshanks jumped up between them and Hermione began petting him.

"Is that a surprise? I could easily take on the both of them," Draco said nonchalantly as he propped his feet up on the table.

Hermione bit her tongue. It was quite a surprise that they were sitting there talking together, not altogether an unpleasant one. While she wouldn't say she was happy to see him her emotions were definitely on the side of positive. It was odd how all of a sudden they seemed to take to each other. She couldn't have even imagined them talking civilly to each other a month ago and now it was crossing the line from civility to friendship. She liked that.

She liked him.

Hermione turned her attention back to what he was saying about how Crookshanks was seemingly stalking him. She hid a smile behind her hand.

She really liked him.

* * *

Draco looked over at Granger, it was strangely nice to have her back. Maybe this vacation wouldn't be as bad as he had originally thought. It just felt good to laugh. That night in the library had allowed her to get a glimpse of who he really was and he couldn't get that back. He wasn't sure he would take it back if he could. It was strange but he kind of felt like in a way she understood him. At least someone in his life did. He enjoyed feeling like a real human being every once and awhile.

He tried to push away the annoyance when they were interrupted.

"Hermione, is that you?" asked Harry coming down the stairs. Draco rolled his eyes, he hated that voice. Hated everything about him. Heroic boy-who-lived. It was so sweet he could gag.

"Yes, it's me," she said standing up. Her cat seemed to take that opportunity to get a bit of attention from him. Draco ignored him. It was bad enough that he was already covered in cat hair.

"Are you okay? What are you doing here?" Harry seemed to be more confused about why she'd been sitting next to him laughing then why she was back at Hogwarts. Hermione explained the situation and how she had almost missed the time slot given to her to use the Floo Network.

"Well, I'm going to go upstairs and get cleaned up," she said disappearing upstairs.

Draco looked up to see Harry walking towards him. He didn't look very happy. Draco paid him no attention and shooed the cat away.

"What were you and Hermione doing before I came down here?" Harry asked suspiciously.

"I don't see how that's any of your business," Draco said as he lazily plucked cat hair from his pajamas.

Harry glared at him and if it was a curse it probably would have killed him. Draco had to admit that he did enjoy getting under Potter's skin like this. It gave him no end of amusement.

"Don't worry, I'm not trying to corrupt your precious little girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend but I don't want you anywhere near her. If I even hear you whisper the word 'mudblood' in her presence then you'll be out of here, no matter what Dumbledore says." With that Harry turned around and began to walk up the stairs.

"Hey Potter," Draco yelled after him and Harry turned around, "I'll call Granger anything I want." He watched with a smug smile as Harry stomped upstairs and after a minute he heard a door slam.

Things were definitely getting interesting.

A little while later, Draco sat at a table in the Great Hall trying to figure out what he was going to do for the day, two days into the vacation and he was all ready bored to death. Once again he cursed his mother for doing this to him. He decided that he'd take a morning ride on his broom if it wasn't snowing, and after that he'd... well he'd... bloody Hell, he just might take a trip into the Forbidden Forest. At least it would give him something to do, he'd probably get himself killed but it was better than dying of boredom. He wondered what Granger's plans for the day were. Probably hanging out with her friends. Of course that's what she'd be doing. It's what he would do, if he had any real friends.

Draco looked at his near empty plate, completely lost in thought. Breakfast had been good and he'd finished it several minutes ago. One thing, one of the only things, he loved about Hogwarts was its good food. He was pulled from his thoughts as he heard someone talking.

It was the Weasley girl and Draco rolled his eyes in annoyance. Did she ever shut up? Another voice caught his attention and he turned around to see Granger walking with the Weasley down the hallway, Potter and Weasley following close behind, coming towards the Great Hall. He was about to turn around and finish contemplating his empty plate when he noticed something was very different about Granger. It wasn't her clothes. She was dressed in a baggy sweater and an ankle length skirt. It was her hair. He rolled his eyes at himself, annoyed at the fact that he had actually bothered to notice. He justified it with the fact that there was nothing else to do. Apparently she'd just gotten out of the shower. Her hair was still damp and hung in loose curls. He smirked, like that she didn't look half bad. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes again.

He was going insane.

Absolutely fucking insane.

Draco watched as in midsentence, Granger pulled out her wand and, with a few mumbled words, her hair was dry and back to its usual frizzy mess. Draco turned around and pushed a crumb of toast around on his plate trying to look occupied. He felt someone standing near him and looked up to see Granger standing a few feet away from him. The group of Gryffindors had already made their way to one of the other tables. He was surprised that she was talking to him. He hadn't really expected her to acknowledge his existence around her friends.

"We're going down to the Library after Breakfast. Would you care to join us? Harry, Ron, and Ginny are probably just going to play Wizard's Chess or Exploding Snap but you're welcome to come with us."

She didn't seem particularly happy to be inviting him. Draco almost wondered if Dumbledore had put her up to it. So she wanted to hang out with her little friends alone? That was fine with him. He wasn't going to take her pity and tag along. He'd find something much better to do. Like make his crumb of toast race around his plate. Yeah, that was fun alright.

"No, I've got ... plans." The words sounded lame to him and he cursed himself for sounding stupid in front of her. If there was a time for eloquence being around her always called for one of those times.

"All right then. Suit yourself. If you get bored then you'll know where to find us."

He tried to be inconspicious as he watched her walk away and sit down at the table with her friends. That was for the best. He didn't belong there. Never would be long there. He pushed down a feeling that was creeping up. He wasn't sure if it was jealousy or envy. Either way he didn't like it and he wasn't about to analyze it.

Draco got up. A long soak in the Prefect's Bathroom sounded heavenly at the moment. He wouldn't be bothered, except possibly by Moaning Myrtle, but he had long ago learned to ignore her. Peeves however was another story. Draco wondered if Peeves was as bored as he was. Perhaps he and the Poltergeist could come up with some entertaining pranks. Suddenly this little vacation was looking up. As Draco was making his way out of the hallway a bit of the Gryffindor's conversation made it's way to him. He was quite sure it was a part he was supposed to hear.

"Why did you invite the Git to come with us?" he heard Weasley ask in an overly loud voice. It wasn't as if sound in the Great Hall didn't carry already. Draco scowled and made his way down the hallway.

He didn't need to hear the answer.

* * *

"Why did you invite the Git to come with us?"

"Will you keep your voice down, he'll hear you!" Hermione hissed as she glared at Ron. She tried to stop herself from watching Draco's retreating figure.

"Let him hear me. I don't care. It's not like he thinks we actually want him around. Ya know, being Slytherin and all. Bad enough we've got to room with him. Dumbledore's gone bloody batty I tell you."

Hermione poured herself a glass of orange juice as she let Ron finish with his rant. Once he got started there was usually no stopping him. That was unless there was food. As if summoned by her thoughts an array of breakfast foods presented themselves on the table in front of them. As Ron was busy reaching for pudding Hermione decided to answer him.

"I invited him because it was the polite thing to do. It's Christmas, we're stuck together. I didn't want to be rude." In all honesty she wasn't entirely sure why she had done it. It wasn't like she enjoyed his company, well not really. He was annoying. Very annoying. And hateful. And a whole lot of other qualities that she didn't want in a friend. At the moment though it was hard to concentrate on all of those things that she didn't like about him.

"Since when have you cared about being polite to him? Have you forgotten all of the things he's done to make us miserable?" Harry chimed in. Hermione waited for Ginny to add something but she was quiet and seemed to be content to listen to the conversation and not be a part of it.

"Look at it this way. We have to be stuck with him for the next ten days. I'd rather not be hexed in my sleep. Who knows, a little kindness might mean the difference between waking up with boils on our faces and not." She didn't really think that Draco would do such a thing to them. After a few seconds she amended the thought. Well, maybe not to her, she supposed Harry and Ron were fair game.

"Oh, you got a point there, Hermione." Ron said between bites of his french toast. "Dumbledore... making us room with a Death Eater. Can you believe it? I mean seriously?"

"Get over it already Ron," she said before she began to pile food onto her plate. She spent the rest of Breakfast in distracted silence.

* * *

Draco spent the rest of the day primarily alone. He took a bath in the Prefect's Bathroom and thought. Then he walked aimlessly around the castle and thought. He wasn't thinking about anything extremely interesting. Although he was perplexed as to why she kept popping in and out of them. As if he didn't have enough problems. Determined to get his thoughts on something productive he decided to take his broom out for a quick run around the Quidditch Pitch. It was cold but he was bundled up and had enchanted his clothing with a warming spell. He got himself a quaffle and spent a good forty minutes on the pitch. He used his wand to make the quaffle fly in random directions and he'd fly to it, catch it, and do it all over. It was a Wizard's version of catch. He couldn't say that it was very entertaining. Back inside the warmth and comfort of the building he came up with something else to do. He's torture the only one who was probably more unhappier to be here than he was.

Filch.

Is wasn't so hard to find him as his grumbling seemed to echo through the quiet halls. He was going about polishing everything that could be polished within sight. Draco shook his head wondering how someone could polish so much without the use of a wand. He was carrying around a little bucket and a rag. Draco hid behind a corner watching him. It wasn't exactly fun but it was amusing to hear Filch's curses. Apparently he didn't like shining things the muggle way any more than the students he put in detention had to. Filch started walking down the hall and Draco followed him, stealthily creeping along the wall. He followed Filch around the castle for quite awhile when suddenly Filch stopped.

"Who's there? I can hear you following me. Mark my words if it's you Peeves I'll have you banished from this castle once and for all. I'm not kidding. Think you can go into MY office and dress up my statue of Mrs. Norris as a reindeer? Not funny. Wasn't funny! Just you wait..."

Draco suppressed his laughter as best he could as he flattened himself against the wall and hid behind a suit of armor. He heard Filch's footsteps continue down the hall and Draco came up with an idea of finding something to try to hit the bald spot on Filch's head. He stepped out from behind the suit of armor and stopped in his tracks as he nearly ran over Mrs. Norris who was sitting right there looking at him with her tail lashing back in forth.

"Shit!" Draco said before he turned around and began running, right as he heard her yowl in alert. Taking the stairs two at a time and then running down two hallways and up another flight of stairs he stopped against the wall breathing heavily and trying to control his laughter.

At least he was finding amusement from the more simpler things in life. That was something. Feeling a little bit jolly he headed down to the Great Hall for lunch. He found a copy of the Daily Prophet and that kept him occupied as he ate his food. He absently glanced at the entrance to the Hall hoping that he would hear foot steps or the sound of voices. He wasn't so much minding being alone but at the same time listening to other people talk, even if it was the Gryffindors, or the little Ravenclaws, he wouldn't mind.

With lunch gone he decided to head up to the Gryffindor tower, intent on sitting by the fire and reading something. It was a good day for reading if for nothing else. He'd nearly made it to the tower when movement from outside the window caught his eye. He looked down at the grounds down below and watched as Potter and the other Weasley were chasing Weasley and pelting snow balls at him. Apparently Peeves had decided to join in on the fun because he was randomly throwing snowballs at every available target. Draco smirked as Peeves appeared right over Potter and dropped a ton of snow on his head. He searched the grounds for Granger but she was no where to be found. He decided she was probably down in the library, she seemed to spend a great deal of her time there.

He continued on his way up to the common room, spoke the password and then went inside. His things were still sitting right by the entrance to the portrait hole and he shuffled through his bag before grabbing an issue of Quidditch Illustrated. He'd just got the issue a few days ago and hadn't had a chance to look at it. It was one of his favorite magazines. He carried it deeper into the Common Room and was surprised to see that he was not alone.

Apparently she had decided the Common Room was more comfortable than the library.

He couldn't say he blamed her.

Suddenly he got the overwhelming feeling of being trapped. Part of him wanted to run for the door and go find another place of solitude, but the other part didn't want to make a fool of himself in front of her. So instead he casually walked over to the armchair farthest away from hers and opened his magazine without saying a word.

He'd gotten all the way to the table of contents when the silence began to grate on his nerves. One article later he found himself annoyed by the fact that she hadn't said anything. He took it upon himself to break the silence.

"So why aren't you outside with the others?" he asked as he nonchalantly turned the page.

"I was. I was sitting out there reading when Peeves decided that it was mandatory that I join in so I decided to come up here instead. It's a bit quieter."

He wasn't sure whether or not he should take that as a hint. He spent a few minutes looking at his magazine and when he had caught himself looking at her for the third time he decided to give in and try to make conversation. It annoyed him that he wanted to talk to her. There was just something about her that made him want her attention. Maybe it was the way that she wasn't afraid of him or intimidated. She treated him in a way that no one in his life had ever treated him before. He didn't want that to end.

He thought back to this morning and how delighted he had been to see her. It had been a small moment of real happiness. For a moment he had allowed himself to believe that he wouldn't be spending this holiday completely alone. But she had her friends and he wasn't a part of that. Didn't even want to be a part of that. But here was his chance to enjoy her company. Even if it was only for a little while.

He was going to take advantage of that.

"You'll never guess what I did today."


	8. The Slytherin Comes To Dinner

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* * *

"You'll never guess what I did today."

Hermione looked up from the book she was reading with a raised eyebrow. So, Mr. Slytherin- didn't- want- her- company, was good enough to talk to her after all. She had been a bit peeved that he had rejected her earlier invitation of going to the library. Here they all were with a once in a life time chance to get along with one another and he had rejected it. They could all spend time together and no one would know. She didn't know why it was important to her that Ron, Harry, and Ginny see this strange, almost friendly, side of him but it was. She told herself that it was probably so that she would know that she wasn't delusional. She couldn't say that she had a habit of always seeing the best in people, quite the opposite really. She was really good at analyzing people and seeing the good and the bad. The good that she was beginning to see in Draco unnerved her.

Although it wasn't in an entirely bad way.

Hermione knew some of what he'd done today. She'd seen him flying from one of the windows and had stopped to watch for a few moments. She'd felt bad that he was alone but in her head she told herself that he wanted it that way. She had been pleasantly surprised when he'd walked into the Common Room but she wasn't going to let him know that. Or the fact that she had missed him at lunch. Maybe missed wasn't the best word. Noticed his absence. Part of her was glad that he hadn't been there because he would, no doubt, have sat by himself and she hadn't wanted to be distracted by insane ideas of asking him to join them. She was sure that would not have gone over with either Harry or Ron. She realized that she still hadn't answered him.

"I don't know. What did you do today?"

She listened as he told her about Filch and while she didn't necessarily condone behavior like that it was amusing. She could see that as something Harry, Ron, and Ginny would've enjoyed doing. She had to remind herself to stop trying to fit him into her life somewhere. He didn't belong there.

Not as a friend.

Not as anything.

There was silence for a few moments so she turned her attention back down to her book. She was reading Charles Dickens' a Christmas Story. In an odd way it reminded her of Draco. Both because she had seen it that night in the Library, and because he was very Scrooge-like. She'd finished a page and as she went to turn it she looked up and their eyes met.

She quickly looked down and wondered why he was looking at her. And why she was looking at him looking at her. This was silly. Insanely silly.

"Anything good in your magazine?" she asked, not looking up from her book for fear that she would see those piercing gray eyes.

"Not especially, just Quidditch stuff. Nothing you'd be interested in. What are you reading?"

She looked up to see that he had abandoned all pretense of looking through his magazine. He was lounging back in the chair and Hermione was surprised to see Crookshanks perched in his lap. Draco was absently petting him. Hermione resisted the urge to glare. So much for loyalty.

"It's a muggle book about Christmas. I'm sure nothing you'd be interested in. Crookshanks seems to have taken quite a liking to you. He usually doesn't get that way with people." She half hoped that Crookshanks would take the hint and jump off his lap and come to her but his eyes were closed and if he was hearing anything she was saying he wasn't listening.

"It's strange. I don't like cats but he won't leave me alone. I figured that it was easier to just give in. I guess he's not that bad, as far as cats go. I prefer owls, at least they're actually good for something."

"Just because something isn't necessarily good for something doesn't mean it's not worth having."

"I suppose." He was looking at her strangely. At least she thought he was. It was so hard to read him sometimes. She hated that about him. There were so many things that he could be thinking. She wanted to know his thoughts. Every one of them. Harry and Ron were so easy to figure out after all of these years. She wanted that with Draco. She knew that she shouldn't, that it was nonsensical, but she still wanted to form that bond and that friendship. He was beginning to mean something to her.

She just didn't know what.

It had become her cause to make him know that he was wanted, at least that his company was wanted. Sometimes she found herself thinking about how absolutely lonely he must be. It was something that she wouldn't want to wish on her worst enemy. No matter what Draco had done to her and her friends he was still a person. He still needed to be wanted.

Hermione told herself that she was getting much to involved. It wasn't her responsibility to make him feel that way. Still, if she didn't do it then no one would. He would grow up to be just like his father and she wasn't going to let that happen. He deserved better than that. The world deserved better than that. There were so many glimpses of good that she saw in him and she didn't want that to disappear.

"Would you like to go to supper with us later?" Hermione asked on a whim. She was sure that the answer would be no but at the same time she wanted him to know that she wasn't opposed to his company.

Quite the opposite really.

* * *

Draco looked at her and felt a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. It sure did seem as if she wanted his company. It wasn't like he didn't want hers. It was just the little additions that seemed to follow. Being stuck with Potter and Weasley for a meal didn't seem like the best time in the world. However, he would have the opportunity to annoy them and she would be there. Not necessarily bad things. He decided that, if anything, it would provide a bit of entertainment.

"Are you asking me out on a date?" he said, keeping his face serious. He couldn't resist teasing her. It amused him. He watched as her face turned red and she tried to stutter through an answer. He tried to conceal a smile but he failed and was pelted with a pillow.

"Okay, you don't have to resort to violence. I'll go."

Another pillow hit him right in the head.

At that moment he heard the portrait door open and then in came the other Gryffindors. He suppressed an exasperated sigh. They always appeared at the most inopportune times. He looked over at Granger and she had her nose buried in her book as if nothing had happened. He picked up his magazine and idly began looking through it again. He was quite entranced with an article on Veela, and the accompanying pictures. He watched as Potter and Weasley sat down beside her and he felt something well up in his stomach. It felt strangely like jealousy. He pushed it away.

He idly watched as they sat there talking. He'd never had that sort of comradery with other people. He wasn't sure if he felt more jealousy over the fact that she had that and he didn't or the fact that Potter and Weasley had that with her. Either way it wasn't making him happy. They all made their way upstairs to get cleaned up for supper and he remained lounging on the couch with the cat.

At least he had the cat.

Draco made his way down to the Great Hall. He had waited a few minutes after the Gryffindors had left. He would have felt out of place if he had actually walked down with them. At least this way he could make a grand entrance. He wasn't sure how grand it would be. The cat was still following him. He wasn't sure how intimidating he would look with a fat, ugly, cat following him. Probably not very. He walked into the Great Hall and saw that the Gryffindors were sitting at their table. He was very glad that Dumbledore hadn't decided to make them all eat together as he had the first night. It was one thing to eat with them, but eating with his Professors as well was not his idea of fun.

When he entered the Hall everyone turned to look at him. He had a slight moment of hesitation. It would be so much easier to just go sit by himself at his own table. Still, she had invited him and he had accepted so it was only fair that he be true to his word and sit with her. That thought made him want to snicker. He was worried about being true to his word. That was a good one. Gathering his pride he walked over to their table. Potter, Weasley, and Granger were sitting on one side with the Weasley girl on the other side. Draco walked around the table and then sat down next to her. Weasley looked like he was about to say something and then he suddenly stopped. Draco had a feeling that someone had kicked him under the table.

"What's for dinner?" Draco asked with an impish grin. A goblet and a place setting appeared before him and he took a pitcher of pumpkin juice. There was an awkward silence as they waited for the food to appear. He looked over at Granger and he could've sworn that he saw her smile behind her goblet. After a minute or two the food appeared. There was a little bit of everything and Draco felt his mouth began to water as the aroma of the feast hit his nose.

Draco reached for a dish of sherperd's pie at the same time as Granger. They looked at each other and Draco let go of it, letting her have it first. He saw a plate of rolls sitting by Potter and instead of pulling out his wand he decided to go with the mundane approach.

"Potter, pass the rolls."

Draco was half convinced that Potter, or Weasley, were going to just start chucking them at him. With a flick of his wand the plate floated towards him and landed with a clank on the table. Draco picked up a roll and began to butter it. He felt something against his leg and for a moment he thought Granger was playing footsie with him. He had to hold in his laughter as he realized that it was just the cat wanting table scraps.

They continued to eat and there was a complete lack of conversation. Draco didn't particularly mind as he was bound to have had a silent supper as it was.

"Nice Quidditch season so far, don't you think?" he asked breaking the silence.


	9. The Almost Kiss

Hermione sat on the couch in front of the fireplace in the Gryffindor Common Room. Dinner had ended hours ago and she had to admit that it had been amusing. Draco was in rare form. If she didn't know better she would say that he had been trying to charm them. It had driven Ron and Harry absolutely insane. They had wanted nothing more than to insult him and at every turn he was polite and courteous. He had even apologized for stealing the last piece of Shepard's pie, right before he had stuffed it into his mouth. While she loved Harry and Ron to no end it had been amusing to watch their reactions. She was sorry that they were so frustrated with him but at the same time it had been funny.

Right up to the point at which he had excused him with a bow, telling them all that he'd had a delightful time. She could of sworn he even winked. That had sent her over the edge in uncontrollable giggles which had gotten her nothing but glares from her best friends. As soon as Draco had left the Hall Ron had violently stabbed his baked potato while Harry had let out a string of expletives. Hermione had looked over at Ginny only to see her hiding a smile. Draco definitely had a way of making things interesting.

Hermione turned her attention back to her Arithmancy homework. She was in the middle of a long drawn out formula and she kept losing her place. She had started the equation over from the beginning five times already. She wondered where Draco was. They had gone up to the Gryffindor Tower right after dinner but Draco had been no where to be found. She had half expected him to be lounging lazily on the couch with Crookshanks on his lap. Instead they had found the Common Room empty. Hermione had played a few games of Wizard's Chess, one with Ginny and one with Ron. Ron, Harry, and Ginny had gone down to the Kitchen's a little while ago for a snack while Hermione had decided to do a bit of homework. Apparently the appearance of Draco at dinner had a negative effect of Ron's appetite, which was saying a lot.

Draco had probably decided to go down to his own Common Room and avoid Harry and Ron. She didn't exactly blame him. He had been cheeky and they did want to curse him into next week. She would be hiding too. Or maybe he was in the library. Part of her wanted to wander down there to see. Not that he would want her company, in all honesty he probably didn't want to be anywhere near her. Unfortunately as each day passed she felt the opposite. Hermione wanted to be near him. She reveled in discovering those small perfections in his personality that she'd never noticed before. It was like passing a painting in the hallway for seven years and then finally stopping to study it and realizing that it was nothing that you thought it was. He was such a complicated and elaborate painting. She cursed as she lost her place in the formula again. If she couldn't concentrate she was going to give up. There was no reason to attempt to do homework if she couldn't even get anything done.

Why did he have to get into her head like this?

Hermione turned around as she heard the portrait door open. The laughter that followed told her it wasn't who she was hoping it was.

"Hermione, want some treacle tart?" Ron asked as he walked over to her.

"No thanks, I'm quite full. Did you all have fun in the kitchens?"

"Yeah, actually," Harry chimed in. "The house elves had gotten into a stash of butter beer or something. They were all drunk off their rockers. Started coming up with outrageous recipes. Ron actually tried them."

"Hey! They had pumpkin pudding gravy treacle tart. It didn't sound that bad!" Ron said as he stuffed a whole piece into his mouth. Hermione cringed. Only Ron would eat something concocted by drunken house elves.

"I'm going to go get a nap," Ginny said as she gave her brother an exasperated look. "Night Hermione. Night boys." Hermione watched as Ginny made her way upstairs, but not before she gave Harry a look that he returned with a smile. Suddenly Hermione felt rather sad and happy all at once. Ginny had been in love with Harry forever, everyone knew that. Hermione often thought that Harry knew it too, even if he refused to acknowledge it. After Cho and Harry stopped seeing each other in their fifth year Hermione thought there might be a chance for Ginny. Last year she had seen Harry and Ginny flirting with each other but as far as Hermione knew it had never gone farther than that. Harry had once confided in Hermione that a relationship with anyone would only put them in danger.

The way that they had just looked at each other made Hermione wonder if maybe Harry had realized how Ginny felt about him and was starting to feel it back. Hermione would've given anything for a look like that. She suddenly felt very lonely. There were moments when she wondered if she would ever find someone to share such things with. She had five more months of school left and not since Viktor Krum had she been in a relationship. There were times when she wondered if Ron liked her, really liked her, but she had never dwelled on it. Ron was like a brother to her and she didn't think that she could ever bring herself to be romantically involved with him. Not at the risk of losing a friendship that was seven years old. Still, sometimes she thought it might be worth it just to feel what everyone else was feeling.

"Are you coming to bed?" Harry asked, startling her from her thoughts.

"Yeah, I'll be up in a few minutes. I just have to finish this problem real quick." In reality she was hoping that Draco would appear at some point. Hermione wasn't quite sure what she would do when she saw him. Talk to him she supposed, about what she didn't know. While she didn't know him incredibly well it was always so easy to talk to him.

"Sleep well, I'll see you two tomorrow," she said with a smile.

"Good night, Hermione," said Harry making his way up the stairs to his dorm.

"Night, Hermione," said Ron following him.

Hermione sat on the couch and finished the arithmancy problem and then the problem after that, and the one after that. It was getting late but still she waited.

* * *

Draco made his way up to Gryffindor Tower. After dinner he went down to the Slytherin Common Room for a bit of relaxation. He missed his house and the flaming red of the Gryffindor Common Room was really starting to annoy him. He spent some time sitting in his own Common Room doing homework. He knew that Dumbledore would probably be less than pleased at the fact that he was secluding himself from everyone but Draco had never been overly social and he wasn't going to start now. Sometimes it was just nice to be alone.

He smirked as he thought about dinner. Stupid Potter and Weasley. It was so easy to get under their skin. It had always been an amusing pastime for him and tonight had been no exception. It had been more entertaining due to the fact that Granger seemed to have found it funny was well. Not that it mattered much to him but he was glad that she hadn't seemed angry that he was antagonizing her friends. He refused to admit that her opinion mattered to him at all.

Draco had just got done taking a bath in the Prefect's bathroom. It was so easy to forget about time when you were submerged in hot water and surrounded by bubbles. Not that he would admit to anyone that he took bubble baths, or that he had several favorite scented bubbles that he used each time. There was just some things that Draco Malfoy didn't tell anyone. That was one of them.

He reached the Portrait of the hideous Fat Lady, spoke the password and then climbed inside. He kept telling himself only a few more days and then he could escape this red shrouded place. Although there were a few things that he would miss. One thing that he would miss... and it wasn't Granger's cat.

He saw her sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace with papers spread out on the small end table. She was holding her quill in mid air and staring off into the flames as if she was deep in thought. He walked over and sat down on the opposite end of the couch. It was his self proclaimed bed after all. She looked over at him and seemed surprised to see him sitting there. He had to admit that he was enjoying the way she looked at that moment. Her hair was pulled back and the light from the fireplace was flickering across her features. She was also wearing the most endearing look of puzzlement.

"When did you get in?" she asked as she sat her quill down on the table.

"Only a few moments ago. I figured you'd be in bed by now, it's pretty late." Secretly he was glad that she was awake. He had meant to come back much sooner but the lure of a hot bath had distracted him. He was quite pleased to find her awake. Deep down he almost allowed himself to wonder if she had been waiting for him. He pushed those thoughts aside. Nonsense of course.

"I was waiting for you."

Or maybe not.

"You were waiting for me?" he asked as he raised a suspicious eyebrow. His chest felt funny all of a sudden.

"Well sort of. I was just sitting here doing homework and thought that you might want to work together or something to that effect."

Something to that effect? Draco hid a smirk. It was in the middle of the night and she had wanted to collaborate on homework? Unlikely. Then again, this was Hermione Granger so anything was possible. His heart had sped up when she had said she was waiting for him. It was nice to be waited for. Even if it was only for academic purposes.

"Maybe tomorrow. It's getting late and I ought to be getting to sleep," he said, hoping that she would take the hint. He had the sudden urge to be far away from her.

And dangerously close to her.

All at once. It was confusing him. He wanted her company and then he didn't. Wanted to watch the way her lips moved when she talked and at the same time wanted her to disappear. The only other thing in his life that had conflicted him like this was his loyalty to his father. This was both better and worse at the same time.

"I suppose I should be getting to sleep too. Thank you for joining us for dinner. It was definitely an experience."

Granger's cat jumped up between them and made himself comfortable. Draco absently reached over to pet him and Granger seemed to have had the same thought because his hand didn't touch fur but warm skin. Soft, silky, warm, skin. Draco felt his face instantly burn. He pulled his hand away, quickly trying to banish any and all feelings that had crept up with that simple touch of her hand. He felt so very conflicted. He wanted to do it again.

He wanted to touch her all over.

Draco looked up and his eyes met hers. She was looking at him in the strangest way and he could only imagine that her look was mirrored in his eyes. It was getting harder to breath. He felt all warm and tingly inside. All delightfully full of so much. He wasn't sure that he had ever felt that way.

What were they doing?

He had no idea.

There was silence and it was deafening.

Wildly he wanted nothing more than to kiss her.

He wanted to kiss Granger.

He had truly gone insane.


	10. An Uncomfortable Breakfast

They were so close.

Hermione looked up at Draco and then looked away. Her eyes were drawn back to his and she forced herself to again look away from those piercing grey eyes. She didn't know what was happening. Something in the air had changed. It felt like all of the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. Her stomach felt like it was tied up in knots. It was getting harder to breathe. The world felt like it had been stopped by a time-turner. She looked up at Draco and he had that same look in his eyes. She flashed back to the way Harry had looked at Ginny.

Now she was just being silly.

They were so close.

She could count his eye lashes and she spared a thought for how beautiful they were. He was beautiful. It occurred to her as a strange thought but it was true. She found him beautiful. The pale skin, those grey eyes, his hair that was beginning to become un-gelled and stick out at odd places. Beautiful. Before she knew what she was doing she was leaning towards him and he was leaning towards her. Hermione knew what was about to happen and suddenly she began to panic.

She couldn't kiss him.

Really she couldn't.

So close now. Hermione could feel his breath on her cheek. Draco had stopped just mere inches from her mouth, his lips hovering just above hers. Just out of reach. She studied his lips wanting nothing more than to lean up and touch them with hers. She just couldn't. Her eyes were once again drawn to his. There was so much she wanted to ask but she couldn't think of the words. She was afraid. Terrified actually, of what it would mean if she did this. Of the way that he was looking at her right at that moment. The way she was looking at him.

Her heart was pounding in her ears. She could feel it reverberate through out her whole body. All of her senses seemed heightened. She could hear him breathing, his breath smelled so sweet, and he looked so handsome. So very handsome. What was she going to do? Her mind and body were all pulling her in different directions. Her heart... well her heart wasn't involved in this. Absolutely not, not even a little. This was teenage hormones. Nothing more. It could never be anything more.

She just couldn't.

She wanted so badly to touch him.

Hermione reached up and cupped his face in her hands and he leaned into her touch. His skin was so smooth. She wanted to kiss him. They stared at each other for a few moments and she hoped that he would understand what she had to do. It took every ounce of strength she had to pull herself away from him but she did. Her hands fell from his face and she got off the couch before she did something that she would surely regret.

"Good night Draco," she said quickly as she made her way up the stairs without looking back.

Hermione reached her dorm, walked inside, and then she shut the door and leaned against it. She didn't know what had almost just happened. It left her feeling confused and breathless and she didn't like that. She told herself that she had done the responsible thing. Hermione Granger could not kiss Draco Malfoy. She let out a long drawn out sigh.

That wasn't all of it.

Kissing... well kissing was kissing... it was all of the things that came along with it that she worried about. You didn't kiss someone that you didn't like. You kissed someone you fancied and she didn't fancy him. Couldn't really. He was a Slytherin and she wasn't. They were so completely different. Teenage hormones, that was all it was.

Hermione walked over to her bed and put on her nightgown as her mind continued to race a mile a minute. It felt like her feelings had changed over night for him and she had barely noticed. One moment he was Malfoy, who she hated and who hated her in return and the next he was Draco, a man that she wanted to kiss. Desperately had wanted to kiss. She pushed the regret away and told herself that she would have regretted it so much more if she would have given in and kissed him. She had done the right thing.

It just didn't feel that way.

* * *

Draco laid back on the couch, ran his hands over his face, and let out a heavy sigh. What had he just done? He replayed what had happened over and over in his head. He had come so close to kissing Granger. Hermione Granger, of all people in the world. For a moment he fiercely wanted Pansy Parkinson there so that he could block out the earlier events. He had to admit that he was embarrassed that he had been rejected by her. Rejection wasn't something that he felt often.

Or desire.

At least not like this. It had all washed over him like a flood in that moment when he was so close to her lips. When she was looking at him with the most beautiful look on her face. Confusion, he'd made out that one, felt quite a bit of that himself. There were other things that he wasn't so sure of. She was so... breathtaking. In that moment when he almost thought that she was going to kiss him his heart had plummeted to his feet.

Draco quickly changed into his silk pajamas and then laid back on the couch and covered himself with a blanket. He could see the snow falling outside and he watched it for awhile thinking about her. She was stuck in his head, like usual, but now it was so much worse. Again he replayed things in his head. The way that she had touched his face had been so tender. No one had ever touched him like that. Ever. His heart began to pound as he thought about it. He told himself that regardless of that he ought to banish these feelings that he was having before they got him into trouble.

Feelings.

That was a complicated thing in itself. Draco usually had feelings of fear, that was an easy one. Fear of failure, fear of his father, fear of the Dark Lord. He also felt anger, anger which he usually took out on his classmates. Any other feelings were somewhat alien to him. It was as if someone had dropped all of these other feelings in his hands like a tangled ball of yarn and expected him to sort them out.

Well, he couldn't.

Part of him was determined to push all of those feelings down so deeply that they could never be unburied. The other part of him wanted to simply figure it out along the way. He finally began to drift off to sleep wondering if pursuing Granger was a good idea. He wasn't even sure if she was pursuable. It was Granger after all. Still, it was harmless wasn't it? So what if they kissed. There was nothing wrong with that. She was single, he was... unattached. It wasn't like doing anything with her meant anything.

Nothing at all.

Completely meaningless.

Right.

* * *

Hermione sat at the breakfast table staring blankly into a bowl of fruit flavored oatmeal. Two days had passed since she'd nearly kissed Draco. Two days of being driven to complete distraction. She wanted to talk to him but they hadn't had a moment alone together. She wasn't sure if she was avoiding him or he was avoiding her or no one was avoiding anyone and Harry and Ron just had bad timing. Regardless of that she wanted to talk to him. Last night they had all been in the Common Room together and she had managed to procure a game of Wizard's Chess with him. He had won. She had been too busy concentrating on the fact that their feet were touching under the table to think about anything else.

It wasn't even that their feet were touching in any other way that normal peoples' feet touched. Her feet had been planted firmly on the ground and his feet had been in front of hers with their toes touching. Just that simple physical contact had made her mind fill with thoughts of him. She had spent the last few days trying to analyze what had happened and how she felt and she had given up. Nothing was making sense and there was no equation that could help her figure it out.

Speaking of equations she still had arithmancy homework to do. A trip to the library after breakfast might not be a bad thing. She had managed to finish her essay on Potions the other day and she was quite proud of the finished project. Ron and Harry however were hopeless. Those two had stayed up long after she had gone to bed trying to get a start to their homework. Hermione yawned. It was still rather early, she wasn't even sure that Ginny would be awake anytime soon. Draco had still been fast asleep when she had crept through the Common Room.

Hermione had nearly gone over to him and woken him up but she'd changed her mind at the last minute. The more time she spent away from him the less confused she would be. She was halfway finished with her oatmeal when she heard footsteps approaching the Great Hall. She looked up and tried to keep her lips from forming in a smile. Draco was walking towards her. She turned her attention back to her oatmeal and tried not to let her feelings show. She was suddenly feeling all giddy inside.

Through the corner of her eyes she saw him walk around to her side of the table. She had a moment of panic as she wondered if he was going to sit with her. He did. She resisted the urge to move over as he sat down right beside her. Their elbows were almost touching. Hermione felt herself turning red.

"Good morning," she said as she stuffed a spoonful of oatmeal in her mouth.

"Morning, Granger," he said. Hermione casually watched as more food appeared on the table before them. Draco grabbed a plate and piled some eggs and bacon onto and then began eating.

The silence was getting on Hermione's nerves. She had no idea what to say or what to do. She couldn't say that she'd ever been in this position before. Did she talk about her feelings and make a huge fool of herself or did she simply pretend that it didn't exist? Well, she needed to square it all away and that's just what she was going to do. If she made a fool of herself then so be it.

"About the other night."

"Yes?" Draco asked turning towards her. He was giving her that intense look again. She wanted nothing but to roll her eyes in exasperation and tell him to stop it so that she could have just a little piece of mind. He wasn't cooperating.

Her mouth suddenly felt very dry so she took a sip of her tea, mentally preparing her words.

"I've gotten quite fond of you lately."

Oh yes, wonderful way to start.

"I'm fond of you too Granger."

Hermione looked over at him and tried to keep a goofy look off of her face. He was fond of _her_. It made her want to squeal like a school girl and she wondered when she had turned into Pavarti and Lavender. She really wanted to bang her head against the table. What could she possibly say now? She had no idea where the conversation was supposed to go now, despite the fact that she had started it to begin with. Well. They were fond of each other. That was a good thing. You should be fond of your friends. Friends, friends, friends. Exactly what they were.

"Would you like to come to the library with me and get some homework done?" she asked, opting to ignore the other conversation altogether. Anything she said now was just going to get her into trouble and make her feel silly. But one thought kept running through her head.

He was fond of her.


	11. A Trip To Hogsmeade

Draco followed Hermione down to the library, the whole time he was completely lost in thought. Even though he had hoped that he hadn't let it show what she had said at breakfast had surprised him. So she was fond of him? That was a very Granger-like way of putting things into perspective. That little confession had made his insides do odd things. Again, he told himself not to think about it and not to waste time analyzing it. He was just going to play things by ear and see how they went.

They made it to the library and as they entered the lights flickered on. Draco remembered the time they had spent in the library all those weeks ago. Things had been so different then. He had hated his life, hated himself, and hated her. It was strange how that had all changed. He had always been so set in his ways. For the last seven years things had remained the same to him. Now, everything was different and it was all because of her.

They sat down at a table and pulled out their books. After breakfast they had gone back up to the Gryffindor Tower to grab their homework and he was more than a little happy that none of the other Gryffindor were awake. He was sure that they would have taken time with her away from him. He imagined that he could spend unlimited amounts of time with her and still not get tired of her company. In a way that acknowledgment scared him.

Granger wanted to work on her Arithmancy homework so he pulled out his. He had his mostly finished but he didn't mind waiting for her to catch up. He noticed the page on which she had made her calculations. She seemed to have been having problems with it because there were several equations that were scratched out and there were little drawings upon the page. Closer inspection proved them to be hearts. He grabbed the paper and held it up.

"Distracted were we?" he asked with a grin. Her face turned red as she grabbed the paper back and stuffed it under a pile of blank parchment.

"I was.. uh... trying to... I was distracted," she said as she grabbed a quill and dipped it into a vial of ink. With a bemused smile he watched as she did the equation, every once in a while looking up at him. He tried to smoother a smile. More and more frequently she was inciting those out of him. He'd always thought that he looked goofy when he smiled. He had grown up with seeing very few of them.

While she caught up to where he was, he forced himself to work on his Transfiguration homework. Once she had made it to the problems that he still had left to do he turned back to his Arithmancy homework and moved his chair closer to hers. They were so close that their elbows were touching and he could almost feel their legs brushing against each other.

He was so close to her.

All homework was forgotten in the wake of the blood pounding in his ears. Just being so close to her made him want to pull her close and kiss her. He reminded himself that she probably wouldn't appreciate that, after all, she had rebuffed him the other night in the Common Room. He brought himself under control and concentrated on the numbers and the equations. After he was done they compared answers and found them to be different. His heart began to pound furiously as she leaned over towards him to get a look at his calculations. He could smell her hair and her neck was so close to him. He wanted to trail his fingers along the smooth skin and plant kisses all along it.

Granger was talking but he was too distracted to listen. He was torn from his thoughts when he noticed that she was looking at him oddly.

"Did you hear me?" Hermione asked as she moved away a little bit.

"No, sorry. What was that?" he asked telling himself that he had to control himself around her. Things with her were different from the way they were with Pansy. He couldn't just have what he wanted. He didn't want that kind of relationship with her anyway. It was fun to think about and it was nice being around her but he was sure that was as far as it was going to go. Even if it did go any farther he was sure that he would be lost. He would have no idea what to do with her.

"You forgot to add this part in during the last step," she said pointing.

"Thanks," he said as he corrected his calculation.

They spent what felt like hours in the library. Once their Arithmancy homework was done they moved onto Transfiguration and with that done, they then started working on their History of Magic essays. Since both of the essays were on different topics that ended most of the talking between them as they each flipped through books, gathering information and writing it down. At one point they reached for the same book and Draco swore that Granger purposefully brushed his hand before letting go of the book. That, in turn, led him to slipping his foot out of his shoe and then poking her leg with his big toe.

It took everything he had to hold in the laughter.

They continued writing their essays when Draco felt a poke on his leg. He hid a smile. He slipped his foot out of his shoe again and was just about to poke her back when all of a sudden he felt something attack his foot.

"Merlin! Get it off me!" He said as he jumped out of the chair and almost fell over in an attempt to unleash the the gigantic mass of fur that was connected to his leg. Granger's cat, Granger's stupid cat, was latched onto him, with its tail flicking back and forth as it engulfed his lower leg in something like a bear hug.

"What's going on here?"

Draco turned around in mid leg shake to see Potter and Weasley standing there looking at him. The cat decided that it'd had enough amusement at Draco's expense and ran off, with Hermione yelling admonishments at his retreating figure. Draco realized he was standing there with his leg up and his sock dangling off his foot. Trying to regain some sense of composure, and failing, Draco bent down, righted his sock, and then searched under the table for his shoe.

Stupid cat.

Hermione was explaining to Potter and Weasley that they had simply been working on homework together at which point Weasley started throwing a fit about why she didn't do homework with them. Draco listened from underneath the table as she told them that had they been awake she would have been more than happy to do homework with them but that she wasn't going to let them dictate her holiday schedule. There was an awkward silence and Potter broke it.

"Dumbledore said that we can all go to Hogsmeade for a few hours around noon. You are coming with us aren't you Hermione?"

"Of course I am."

By that point Draco's shoe was securely on his foot so with as much grace as he could muster he made his way out from under the table, stood up, and brushed himself off. Hermione turned towards him.

"I think I'm going to go put my books up and then get ready to go. I'll see you soon?" He nodded and then watched as she gathered her books and walked out with Potter and Weasley. He told himself not to be bitter. She had spent some time with him and after all they were her best friends. He just couldn't help but feel a little bit rejected.

Draco sighed as he began to gather up his homework. At least they were getting to go to Hogsmeade. That was something to look forward to. Belatedly he realized that Christmas was tomorrow. It had completely slipped his mind that it was Christmas Eve day. He decided that Hogsmeade was a wonderful idea. There was a certain someone he had to get a gift for.

* * *

Hermione walked up to the Gryffindor Tower not paying attention to a word that Harry and Ron were saying. She had thought that she was on the verge of having a heart attack from laughing so much when Crookshanks had attacked Draco. Of course it wasn't right and her cat should definitely not go about attacking her friends but the look on Draco's face had made her muster up quite a bit of forgiveness for her unruly pet. They reached the Common Room and Hermione sat her books over in the corner and then went upstairs to gather her cloak and a scarf. She had completely forgotten that Christmas was in less than twenty four hours. The vacation had sped by so quickly that it had slipped her mind.

She had to admit that she was sad that it would be over so quickly. In about a week school would be back in session and everything would go back to normal. Not that she knew what normal was anymore. Still, she doubted that there would be anymore study sessions in the library and there certainly wouldn't be any more late night talks in the Common Room. Part of her wanted to let go of her inhibitions just a little bit for the remainder of the holiday. When classes began again she would barely see Draco, let alone talk to him, so it was really harmless to flirt with him.

Wasn't it?

Not really.

The affect that he had on her, the way he made her feel and smile, none of that was as innocent as she liked to pretend. What she'd had with Viktor Krum had been innocent. This made her feel so much more than she ever thought she was capable of feeling all at once at any given moment. There was no use in worrying about it, anyway. Obviously nothing was going to happen.

Hermione stood in the Common Room talking to Ginny for a few minutes and then they all decided to go outside and wait on the carriages. Hermione was delighted to see that Draco had decided to come along. It was just the five of them along with Professors Snape and McGonagall. Two carriages arrived and Hermione, Ron, Harry, and Ginny got into one while Draco, Snape, and McGonagall got into the other. While Ron and Harry were laughing about Draco being stuck with the two Professors, Hermione had to admit that she felt a little bit bad for him.

Hermione enjoyed the small drive to Hogsmeade. The snow had stopped falling for the moment and everything was blanketed in snow. It made her happy that she had a nice warm fireplace to go home to. They finally arrived in Hogsmeade and McGonagall told them all to meet back at the carriages in two hours. Draco immediately began walking away and Hermione watched him go. She decided that maybe he wanted to be alone.

"I think I'm going to go to the Binded Book and have a look around," she said to Ron and Harry who were set on going to the Three Broomsticks.

"I think I'll go with you Hermione," said Ginny as she waved the boys off.

"Don't stay in there the whole two hours, please? There are enough books at Hogwarts," said Ron.

"Yeah," agreed Harry. "All of those books can't be good for a person." Hermione noticed that Harry looked a little disappointed that Ginny wouldn't be going with them and again she wondered what had changed between them. She also wondered what had changed in her, before she wasn't sure she would have been able to pick up on the little pieces of body language.

Hermione and Ginny walked off towards the used book shop and Hermione wondered why Ginny had decided to come with her as opposed to going with Harry and her brother. She supposed that Ginny was getting tired of being around them all of the time throughout the holiday. Hermione listened to Ginny as she told her the latest news on Bill and Charlie. Hermione was flipping through a book about Obst Tiurfi, a wizard whose work in potions had made quite an impact on the current process of potion making. She decided to buy that book as well as An Introduction Into Mediwizardry.

"So," Hermione began as they walked out of the bookshop and towards Honeydukes, "how are you and Harry getting along?" Ginny turned a bit red.

"Well enough I'd suppose." Ginny paused for a moment and Hermione got the feeling that Ginny was anxious to tell her something. Ginny had always been Hermione's closest female friend, more like a sister than anything. They had stayed up many nights at The Burrow during the summer talking and sharing all of their secrets.

"You know I've always fancied him? I thought it was going away a bit, after Dean and Michael and all of that. Then one day a few months ago I wake up and just realize, plain as day, that I'm completely head over heels for him. Strange thing is, he feels the same way. I don't know how to tell Ron. I think he'll get it but at the same time, Harry's his best mate and I'd feel horrible it he was upset about it."

Hermione was glad that Ginny had confided in her about Harry and she was tempted to tell Ginny all about Draco. The thing was there was really nothing to tell.

"Well, I suppose if he says anything negative you can just tell him that you can't choose who you fall for," said Hermione.

"Kinda like you and Malfoy?" asked Ginny with a grin.

* * *

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	12. An Unexpected Christmas Kiss

"Malfoy and I? Like you and Harry? Oh, no, no, no. He's... well... he's Malfoy." Hermione was a bit tongue tied over what to say. She and Draco? Preposterous, absolute silly. There was nothing between them. After all how could there be? He was with Pansy and she was perfectly content being single and unattached. Her mind conveniently wandered back to the events that had transpired a few days ago, the way his lips had been so close to hers. How badly she had wanted to take that leap. However Hermione Granger did not leap. She was terrified of falling, which was exactly why she hated flying. Leaping and flying were not good.

So maybe perfectly content was pushing it a little bit.

"I've seen the way you look at him Hermione. Honestly if it were anyone else I wouldn't think anything about it but I know you and I know that you don't just look at anyone like that. You are not like Lavender who has a crush on every cute guy in the school," Ginny said as they walked down the snowy street arm in arm.

"He is handsome," Hermione admitted, and it took a lot for her to say that out loud. She wasn't sure what else there was to say. She didn't want to admit that she had a crush on Draco, really she didn't. It was friendship. Yes he was handsome and she enjoyed his company but there was no way anything else could work out. Not to mention the fact that she was absolutely sure that he wasn't interested in her in that way either.

"And then there's the way that he looks at you."

Hermione stopped in her tracks with her hand on the door to "The Inky Quill" which was a stationary shop in Hogsmeade. The way that Draco looked at her? She wondered exactly what Ginny meant by that. She was sure that he looked at her the way he always had. Well perhaps that wasn't entirely true because over the years they had hated each other but really, there was nothing in the way that he looked at her. Still, she was curious as to what Ginny was talking about.

"Exactly how does he look at me?" Hermione tried to ask nonchalantly as they made their way into the shop. She was determined to find Draco a gift. It had so be something thoughtful and not expensive. After all, what did you buy for the person who pretty much had everything, or could get anything, that they wanted? It was always so easy for her to find something for Ron and Harry. She already knew what they had and what they wanted, what they liked and what they didn't. Draco was a complete mystery to her and she really had nothing but intuition to go on.

"Like you are the only person in the world."

Part of her wanted to confide in Ginny about everything she felt about him. How she wanted to be around him and wanted to be his friend and sometimes had silly little urges to kiss him but she couldn't force the words to come out. Honestly, and it was hard to be honest with herself lately because lies were much less confusing, she wished that he did look at her that way. Sometimes she felt like she would give anything for someone to look at her that way.

"At the moment I'm sure I pretty much am one of the only people he can look at in Hogwarts without wanting to hex. He doesn't care for Ron and Harry very much." She wished that what Ginny said was true. The thought that Draco might look at her like that sent butterflies fluttering in her stomach. It both scared and excited her at the same time. It felt like her and Draco were some sort of complicated equation and she didn't know anyway to even go about trying to solve the mess that was the two of them. She didn't want a relationship because it would interfere with her school work. He didn't want a relationship because that wasn't how he was, she knew that. So they were stuck being friends.

Which was exactly how it should be.

"Also like he wants you."

Like he wanted her? Had anyone really ever wanted her?

Hermione felt her face turn red. That certainly couldn't be the case but even if it was this was Draco Malfoy that they were talking about. Everyone knew about his reputation. He wanted lots of girls and lots of girls wanted him. Usually he gave into the wants. So just because Ginny thought that he wanted her that only meant that she was one person in a long line of others that he had looked at that way. Really that meant nothing. Suddenly feeling rather glum Hermione changed the subject and then began looking for a gift for him.

Once she had made up her mind she bought the gift and then she and Ginny made their way to The Three Broomsticks. It was a little bit crowded but right away she spotted Harry and Ron sitting in the corner. She drug Ginny over to them and then the two of them sat down around the table. Hermione was sitting next to Ron who seemed to be happily enjoying what looked to be his second butterbeer.

"Merry Christmas, Hermione!" said Ron from beside her. Before she knew what happened she felt his lips on hers and then he pulled away.

"Ronald Weasley!" she said outraged. Ron turned seven shades of red and then he pointed upwards. Hermione's eyes gazed to the ceiling where there was a little sprig of mistletoe. She was still so absolutely flabbergasted that she couldn't bring herself to say anything. Ron Weasley had kissed her. Actually kissed her.

The only thing that she could think about was how much she desperately wished that it had been someone else. She knew just who she would have liked it to be. She allowed herself to imagine what a Christmas kiss from him would feel like and her cheeks burned even hotter. Her eyes scanned the busy room searching for him but he was nowhere to be seen. Hermione turned back to Ron and slapped him on the arm.

"Give me a bit of warning next time, will you?" she said with a glare. The nerve of him kissing her like that, and in front of his sister and Harry. Boys were creatures that she was never going to understand.

* * *

Draco was glad to get out of the castle. As much as he loved Hogwarts he still hadn't let go of the resentment he felt for having to stay there during the holidays. It hadn't been that bad, in truth a lot of it had been enjoyable, but at the same time he had been the only one in his House that had been forced to stay and he resented it. Part of him wanted to find a fireplace to floo home in but he told himself that his empty mansion would be a lot worse than the drafty castle. At least she was at the castle, that in itself felt like enough reason to stay.

Draco walked down High Street where there were carolers on the corner singing 'Silent Night'. His first stop was to the small Quidditch supply shop that was there. They didn't have anything that he wanted but they did have a poster announcing that there would be a new broom coming out in the spring. This made him happy. He really wanted to win the Quidditch House Cup this year and if he had that broom there was no way anyone would be able to get to the snitch faster than he could. He spent a few more minutes looking around and once he was done at the Quidditch shop he made his way to Morkey's Magical Menagarie of Enchantments.

It was both a knick-knack and antique shop. They sold all manner of different odds and ends. There was a wall of figurines and Draco walked over to them. There was a small black dragon figurine with emerald eyes that actually moved around on his palm like a real dragon would. He said it back on the shelf and then picked up a statue of what looked like a veela. Once he sat it on his palm it came to life and began dancing. There were many others and he spent awhile looking at them. There was even one of a little cat. He thought about buying it for her so that he could kill her real one. He was quite sure she wouldn't go for that.

Draco moved on and came to another shelf that had books with animated pictures and another shelf that had flowers that were constantly blooming and changing colors. He moved to another shelf and then he saw something that looked perfect for her. He picked it up and held it in his hands, looking into it. It made him really think about her so he decided that if it wasn't the gift for her he didn't know what was. Once it was paid for he did a shrinking spell and stuffed it into the pocked of his robes. He then decided to make his way to the Three Broomsticks for something to drink.

It seemed to him like every witch and wizard in the country was there to do their last minute Christmas shopping as he made his way through the busy street. He entered the Three Broomsticks and it was also busy. He looked around trying to see if she was there yet. His eyes scanned the room and then he saw her.

And she was kissing Weasley.

For some reason it felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. Of all the things he had ever expected to see that wasn't one of them. His stomach felt weird and it wasn't in a good way. He decided that they would be leaving soon so Draco turned around and made his way outside. The air was cold and it had begun snowing again so he walked towards the carriages and got inside of one. He sat there thinking.

He wasn't happy.

He wasn't happy because Weasley, Weasley, of all people had kissed her. Kissed those lips that plagued his dreams. Not to mention it hadn't looked like she had been trying very hard to stop him. He suddenly wondered if perhaps they had been together all along? In the Library a few months ago he had brought up the fact that she was with one of them and she had told him that she wasn't. That they were like brothers to her.

Some brothers.

He turned as Snape entered the carriage in a flourish of cold air and McGonagall soon followed. After a moment or two the carriages started on their way back to Hogwarts. It wasn't a very long drive but in that short time Draco had gone through a million thoughts. He hadn't felt this twisted inside in a very long time. He didn't know how to make things right. Should he talk to her? Not talk to her? Ignore his feelings or confront them?

The carriages stopped and Draco stepped out and made his way up the stairs into the castle without looking back. He'd talk to her later. He didn't know when. He was so set on going down to the Slytherin Common Room that he nearly bumped right into Dumbledore who was standing in the Entrance Hall.

"Mr Malfoy, will you walk with me for a few minutes?"

Draco wondered whatever in the world Dumbledore could want with him. The very few times he had talked to the Headmaster he couldn't say that it had ever gone well. There had to be something wrong. Maybe Dumbledore was allowing him to go back to the Dungeons early, that would suit him just fine because that's where he was planning on sleeping tonight anyway.

"How are things going in Gryffindor Tower?" asked Dumbledore as Draco walked along side him.

"Fine, sir."

"Good, good." There was a pause. "I'm afraid that there's been some rather disturbing news regarding your mother. It appears that she has gone missing," Dumbledore said heavily.

"Missing? She owled me a week ago and said she was going on vacation. I hardly think she's missing." Draco started to get an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach and as much as he wanted to believe that it was still the residuals from seeing Hermione kiss Weasley he knew that it wasn't. This was serious. Something was wrong and he could tell that there was something that Dumbledore wasn't telling him.

"Did she say where she was going?"

"No." Draco wasn't sure that even if she had given a destination he would tell the Headmaster. If his mother had done something wrong the last thing he needed was both his parents in Azkaban. That thought stopped him cold. Was it possible that his mother was on the run? He felt very cold. Had both of his parents abandoned him?

"The day she disappeared she took quite a large sum of money from the Malfoy account at Gringotts. Over half of the money was removed."

"Half?!" Draco asked sucking in a breath. That was impossible, absolutely impossible. There was no way his mother would have taken that much from their vault. That was his inheritance. Half of the Malfoy fortune? He couldn't even imagine how much that was. That money was not hers to take. How could she take half of his fortune?

"There must be some mistake."

"There's no mistake. The Aurors believe that she may have gone into hiding." Draco and Dumbledore had stopped walking. They were standing near the steps down into the dungeons and Draco wanted nothing more than to sprint down them and get away from the information he was hearing. His mother was missing and so was half of the Malfoy fortune and apparently Aurors were involved as well. What a wonderful Christmas this was turning out to be.

"Aurors? Hiding? Why would she do that?"

"Apparently they had some questions for her involving your father's activities."

"My mother wouldn't just leave. She would've... she would've taken me with her. She wouldn't just leave me here." Draco had a very cold feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Something was very wrong.

* * *

As always please review, I hope you enjoyed, thank you for reading!


	13. The Light In His Darkness

Draco stalked through the corridors of Hogwarts wishing that there was someone for him to release his anger on. Where were Crabbe and Goyle when you needed them? Or Nott? Nott loved to get in fist fights and would fight anyone for anything. Draco would very much enjoy slugging someone in the nose right about now. How dare that dottering old fool imply that his mother had run off. Abandoning him.

Malfoys didn't run.

His mother wouldn't abandon him.

If there had been anyone in the halls at that moment they probably would have flinched and backed up against the wall. There was an aura of dangerous anger about him. He needed to go somewhere to think. It would have made more sense for him to go to the Slytherin Dorms, since they were empty, but it had been his habit since the beginning of the school year to go down to the library, so that's where he went. He hoped that she wouldn't be there. He wanted to be as far away from Granger as possible. If he saw her he wasn't sure that he would be able to keep his temper in check and he didn't want to risk that. She was probably in the Great Hall with her friends anyway.

With people who loved her.

Draco walked into the library and strode over to his favorite spot. As he leaned against one of the bookshelves he realized that he still had Granger's gift in his pocket. He pulled it out and then held it in his hand. He wanted to throw it up against the wall and watch it shatter into a million pieces. He flung it against the bookshelves and watched as it fell harmlessly to the floor, in once piece. Anti-breaking charms of course. He should have figured. Nothing worked out the way he wanted it to.

Draco picked it up, put it back in his pocket, and then paced back and forth, trying to order his thoughts and restrain his temper. He knew that he had issues with anger and it had never bothered him until now. The reason that it bothered him was that for once he cared about who he took it out on. He had to resist the urge to set the whole library on fire. Anti-burning charms of course. That figured too. It still didn't stop him from wanting to. He wanted to do something destructive. Something to get all of this out of him. It was like a fire, burning and raging inside of him, with no way out. It made him feel like he was being consumed. He didn't know who he hated more. Dumbledore...

Or his mother.

He ran his fingers through his hair, ruining the gelled perfection. He didn't care. Didn't care about a whole lot at that exact moment. He took off his cloak and let it crumple to the ground. He knew the truth. It all made sense. He knew that he shouldn't be surprised. Dumbledore was right. His father was in Azkaban. He had probably implicated his mother so she had ran away like the coward that she was.

He hated her.

His whole life Narcissa Malfoy had tried to look like the perfect mother but in reality she hadn't been. His first several years at Hogwarts she had sent him treats and packages nearly everyday. He always got the best, most expensive, gifts for Christmas. She made it look like she pampered him, that he was the most important thing in her life. He had been anything but. She was a Malfoy so she had to look perfect, not be perfect, and she was far from perfect.

Whenever he'd gone home for the Summer she had virtually ignored him unless there was company around or they were in public. Then of course he was her darling little boy, the apple of her eye. A part of him had always hoped that she really did love him. He had convinced himself that she only acted that way because his father wanted her to. To make him strong or something.

Wasn't he the delusional little idiot?

His mother never cared, never loved him. Well, he didn't care about her either. He hoped that Dementors hunted her down and gave her their kiss. He wouldn't care, wouldn't go to her funeral, wouldn't cry, wouldn't miss her at all. So he'd be without a mother and a father. That was fitting wasn't it? Just like precious Harry Potter. Although Draco's parents didn't love him. They were a Death Eater and a coward.

Draco sat there for hours, feeling as dark and empty as the darkness around him.

What a Merry Christmas this was turning out to be.

* * *

Hermione laughed. Ron had just finished telling them all a story about Fred and George. Apparently when they were younger Fred and George had faked their kidnapping and demanded a ransom of two brand new brooms. The twins had then hidden under their beds while everyone, having figured out what they were up to, had pretended not to care and had carried on with their Christmas celebrations. Needless to say, the twins had not gotten their new brooms.

They were on their way to the Great Hall for the Christmas Eve feast and Hermione had to admit she was starving. They'd been back from Hogsmeade for quite awhile and she wondered where Draco had gone off to. She hadn't seen him since he had walked away with Dumbledore. She told herself not to worry about it. She was sure that it was nothing, Dumbledore probably just wanted to make sure that Harry and Ron weren't torturing him, or the other way around.

The Great Hall looked beautiful. There was garland strung about and Christmas trees all around the room. Looking up at the ceiling she saw big flakes of snow falling about. The food was extravagant, not as extravagant as it would be tomorrow but delicious all the same. She enjoyed herself as she sat talking with her friends. The only thing that was missing was one Draco Malfoy.

Hermione kept looking at the doors waiting for him to appear but he didn't. She had half a mind to go looking for him but she didn't want to leave her friends with no explanation. The truth definitely wouldn't work. After dinner she would go and look for him and find out if he was okay. Hermione contented herself with listening to the Christmas carols that were playing over the Wireless Witches Network. She felt so at home and content at Hogwarts. She didn't know what she was going to do when she had to leave after graduation. She blocked that thought out, the school year was only half over, it wasn't time to think about that. Not yet anyway.

Hermione was on her third cup of hot chocolate and she still hadn't had an opportunity get away and find Draco. Dumbledore had come down to the Hall and had entertained them all with stories of a eccentric, rich, wizard named Nick Claus who had delivered toys to muggle children. He had his many house elves make toys for the children and then he used shrinking spells so that all of the gifts would fit into one big bag. Using a time turner and apparation he had delivered toys to many muggle children. Hermione was glad that Nick Claus was remembered in Muggle history, even if he wasn't credited properly as a real wizard.

They all decided to go back up to the Gryffindor Tower and Hermione tagged along, hoping that Draco would be in his little corner of the Common Room. On the way up to the Tower they reminisced about their favorite and least favorite Christmases. Hermione had admitted that her favorite Christmas had been her first year at Hogwarts while her least favorite had been when she was seven and she had accidentally set their Christmas tree on fire on Christmas Eve. With magic, although she hadn't known that at the time. Thankfully her father had extinguished it before there was any real damage but she had been so terrified that Santa Claus would be mad at her and not leave her any gifts.

Harry's favorite Christmas had also been the first one he had spent at Hogwarts while all of his worse had been all the ones spent under the staircase at the Dursleys. Ron's favorite had been one where Fred and George had stuck a dungbomb in the Christmas turkey. That had also been Ginny's worse. They climbed into the Common Room and looking around Hermione didn't see Draco anywhere.

Ron yawned and it was contagious. It wasn't very late but the food and the stories had made them all a little bit tired.

"I think I'm going to bed," said Ginny. "The sooner I fall asleep the sooner I get presents," she said with a grin. Ron and Harry also thought that this was a good idea and decided to turn in also.

"Are you coming Hermione?" Ron asked as he began to walk up the stairs to the dormitories.

"No, I'm going to read for a little while. Good night you guys and Merry Christmas." When everyone went upstairs and she heard the doors shut Hermione left the Common Room. She was very worried about Draco at this point. It had been hours since she'd talked to him. She went down to the entrance to the Slytherin Dungeons and knocked on the door, or where she expected the door was, as the entrance was a stone wall that could only be opened by a password, but there was no answer.

Figuring the only other place he could be would be the library she headed that way. It was snowing outside and getting dark so she hoped he wasn't outside on his broom. Her inner voice said that even if he was she would brave the elements for him. The door to the library was unlocked so Hermione went inside and was confronted by darkness.

"Lumos," she said softly and her wand flared to life. She made her way through the library and finally found him sitting on the floor in the part of the library that she had discovered him the last few times.

"Turn off the light," he growled, "or I will break your wand in two and shove the pieces down your throat." Hermione took an uncontrollable step back. He sounded angry. Very, very, angry. Well, he was just going to have to deal with her presence because she wasn't leaving. Gathering her courage she walked over to him and sat down next to him on the floor.

Hermione had seen angry Draco, and annoyed Draco, but right now he seemed furious, she could feel it. She wondered what had happened to put him in such a mood. Honestly, she had to admit, she was a little scared. She swallowed the lump in her throat. She wasn't going to run away from him, not when he needed her. Part of her wanted him to need her, she wanted him to allow her to be there for him.

"You didn't come to dinner. I was a little worried," she ventured.

Before she had time to say anything else Draco's face was inches from hers and she instinctively pressed herself against the wall. She didn't feel like this was Draco Malfoy, he felt, dangerous and she had to admit that she was scared.

"I don't want your pity you stupid mudblood. I don't want it and I don't need it. Do you think we're friends? Just because I'm nice to you for a few days? We're not. You're filthy and disgusting and it makes me sick to even look at you. I can't stand being around you," he said hatefully.

Each word cut into her like a sharpened knife. She didn't understand, earlier they had been in the library together having fun and now he was attacking her. She didn't know what she had done to make him act this way. It had been so long since he had treated her like this. She was at a loss for words. To her shame she felt tears welling up in her eyes. She hadn't done anything. The only thing that she had ever wanted was to be someone to him, someone for him. Now he was treating her like she was nothing. Like she was less than nothing.

What had she been thinking? How could she have believed for a second that she could ever be friends with him? How could she have forgotten the pleasure he'd always taken from being mean to her?

Why had she allowed herself feel anything for him?

* * *

Draco looked at her and he could see the tears in her eyes. He'd made her cry. Damn it. He could tell she was trying so hard not to let them fall. He could tell that she was afraid of him. In that instant he hated himself. He had worn that expression so many times in front of his father. Hated his father so many times for causing that look.

What had he done?

Draco wanted to stop her tears just as much as he wanted to stop his own. He didn't know why he had said those things to her. He had spent the last few hours picking his life apart and hating himself for one thing or another. Hating his parents. Hating his life. She was the only one that made him feel anything good and sometimes he hated that too. The feeling of happiness that he got just by being near her made the darkness so much worse. Once school started in a few more days he wasn't going to be able to see her as much. He'd be alone. He just wanted that feeling that he got around her to go away so that he could be miserable in peace. He wanted her to go away. That wasn't really what he wanted though.

Sometimes he didn't know what he would do without her.

"I-I'm sorry," he whispered, knowing that it wasn't enough. He had said those words to his father many times, they were never enough. He wondered when he had turned into his father. How she could ever forgive him for it.

"I'm sorry," he repeated again. He wanted to say it until she believed him, until it was enough. He needed her to forgive him. He needed to forgive himself. He had made so many mistakes in his life. Hurt so many people, hurt her. Everyone always left him, never cared enough about him. Why should she be any different? Because she wasn't everyone. She was the one person who had tried to break through everything and get to his core and he had just ruined that in a few harsh sentences.

Ruined the one thing that made him smile and lit up his darkness. He was crying now, against everything in him that said not to show that weakness he was crying. He turned away unable to look at her. He leaned into the wall, wishing he could disappear into it.

"I'm sorry," he whispered over and over again as a multitude of pent up emotions crashed over him. He was sorry for not being good enough for his mother to love. He was sorry that no matter how hard he tried he always let his father down. He was sorry for never thinking twice about how what he did hurt other people. Most of all he was sorry for screaming at the only person who had ever offered him real friendship.

The only person he had ever loved.

* * *

I love this chapter and I hope you all did too! I have very devious plans for the next one and I hope you are as anxious to read it as I am to write it!


	14. Christmas Morning

Hermione sat there in stony silence. There were so many things coursing through her. Anger. Sadness. Fury. The only problem was that none of them were sticking. She wanted to be angry with him. She had every _right_ to be angry with him. She just wasn't. This worried her. After the things he had just said he didn't deserve anything from her. His words had hurt more than anything that anyone had ever said to her. Still, she wasn't mad. She had an odd achy, sad, feeling in her chest but it wasn't anger.

She really didn't understand.

While she considered herself to be a forgiving person the lack of negative emotion was very confusing to her. She looked over at him. He had his head turned and his shoulders were shaking. He was crying. She wanted to tell him that it was okay and she forgave him but she didn't. She was fighting with herself. Common sense told her not to be friends with someone who could hurt her like he just had. Everything else inside of her said that it really didn't matter.

It did matter though. She couldn't care for someone who didn't care for her back. What had he said? That she was filthy and disgusting and that they weren't friends. Well what were they then? Friends didn't treat each other the way he had just treated her. Friends didn't betray trusts the way he had. She had tried so hard to be there for him. Ignored the advice of Harry and Ron, just to talk to him, to have feelings for him, and he had belittled that. It wasn't fair.

But he was crying.

Really there was only one thing to do.

Hermione reached out and wrapped her arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer, hugging him. This seemed to make it worse because he began to cry harder. She didn't know what to do. It was just that he needed someone and she couldn't leave him. She would always have Harry, Ron, and Ginny, her parents, and Hagrid, he didn't have anyone but her. She couldn't take that away from him.

"I didn't mean what I said," he said once he had calmed down. He sniffled and her heart did flip-floppy things that made her want to pull him even closer.

"I know." She _didn't_ know. Those words had come from somewhere and she was convinced that part of him had to mean it. She just hoped that it was a very little part. "What's wrong?" she asked. Obviously something had happened since the last time they had talked. Something had made him come down to the library and seek solace in his little corner. He was silent for a while and Hermione almost sighed when he pulled away from her embrace. Would he ever let her in?

"Dumbledore told me that apparently my mother has disappeared, taking half of the Malfoy fortune with her," he said in a voice that was completely devoid of emotion. Hermione wanted to let him know that it was alright for him to care but she didn't know how to put what she was thinking into words. It definitely shed some light on a few things.

"I bet you think this is what I deserve. For all of the things I've done, all of the things I've said to Potter." Hermione was shocked that he would think that of her. It hadn't even crossed her mind that he deserved this. No one deserved this, not even him. If anything she couldn't think of one person who was more in need of parents. At least ones who loved him.

"I don't think that at all." What else could she say? She didn't think that he would appreciate what she really had to say. If she told him how she really felt. She wasn't even sure that she knew how she felt anymore. He confused her so much. One minute she knew without a shadow of a doubt that she... well that she... liked him... and the next moment she wasn't even sure that they were truly friends.

"You pity me," Draco said. It was more a statement than a question.

"No, I don't. Don't confuse sympathy with pity, they aren't the same. I'm not sitting here because I pity you. I'm here because I care about you and I want you to know that someone cares enough about you not to leave."

"Why? Why do you care?"

"Underneath your arrogance, rudeness, and the insults you aren't so bad to be around. I'd even go so far as to say your company is somewhat desirable occasionally," she said with a smile and he gave her one in return. Her wand was laying on the floor emitting a soft glow and she was glad that it at least looked like his sense of humor was returning. He stood up and offered his hand to help her up. She took it. She would have been lying if she said that she had wanted to let go of his hand as quickly as she did. She wanted to give him all of the comfort that she could,. She didn't want him to be sad.

"You missed a great feast earlier. I'm sure the house elves still have some left overs in the kitchens," she ventured, trying to get him to eat something. She had this uncontrollable urge to take care of him.

"I'm not really hungry," Draco said.

"Well, I could go for a snack," Hermione said as she bent down and picked up her wand and they began walking through the library towards the doors.

"Still not hungry. Nice try though," he said with a grin. Hermione smiled, it definitely seemed like he was doing better. She was still worried about him. His mother was on the run and his father was in Azkaban. That would be a lot for anyone to handle and she knew that Draco didn't have the best coping skills. She supposed the only thing she could do was just be there for him if he needed someone to talk to. Hopefully he wouldn't lash out at her again. She wasn't sure if she could take any more of his harsh words.

On the way back to Gryffindor Tower she tried to persuade him to go down to the Kitchen's for something to eat but he wouldn't relent. They then got into a discussion on House Elves and she told him all about S.P.E.W. and how she had tried to liberate them. He found the fact that she knitted them socks amusing, more amusing than the fact that she knitted at all. He didn't agree with her views that House Elves should have their freedom but she had to admit he was respectful of her opinion. They finally got to the Common Room and there was no light except that from the fire in the fireplace.

Hermione followed him over to the large sofa that sat in front of the fireplace and sat down beside him. It crossed her mind that they were alone, as the other Gryffindors had probably been asleep for awhile now. He was talking about how his father had treated the House Elves at malfoy manner and how he understood at least the need for harsher laws regarding abuse. She noticed how handsome he looked sitting there as he talked with the firelight flickering over his features.

"Paint a portrait, it will last longer," he said, pinning her with that gaze, his eyes the color of storm clouds. She felt her face flush, he had noticed her staring at him.

"I was just lost in thought," she said trying to recapture some essence of dignity. He didn't need to know that she had been gawking at him. Admiring the way his lips moved as he talked, his flawless skin, the unruly hair that she wanted to push away from his face so that she could look in his eyes.

"Thought about what?" he asked. She looked up at him and she felt that breathless feeling she got when she knew something was about to happen if she'd let it. She couldn't kiss him. Today had proved that. She was already so emotionally invested in him and she couldn't let it go any farther. Not when he had the power to hurt her the way he had tried earlier.

"Thoughts that I should be getting to bed," she said as she got up and began walking towards the stairs that would lead up to her dormitory. She new that she was running from more than just the possibility of a kiss. So much more, but she couldn't help herself. There was no other logical course of action and if there was one thing she was it was logical. Not impulsive, not passionate. She was none of that. Not until she looked into those gray eyes, anyway.

"Good night, Draco."

"Good night, Granger."

* * *

It took a few seconds for Draco to realize that she had actually called him by his first name. He wasn't sure that she had ever called him anything but Malfoy. He was glad that he was apparently forgiven. He had worried for awhile that he had done irreparable damage to their relationship. She hadn't left him. He was confused by her reaction. He could still feel her arm around him, the way that she had pulled him close. It was strange but that was the most intimate moment he had ever shared with anyone. More intimate than even the truly intimate things he had done with Pansy.

Granger had seen him at his most vulnerable, and it wasn't the first time, yet still, she accepted him anyway. She didn't see the weakness, she just saw him. It was a strange to know that someone saw everything that he was and didn't run away. A little voice inside his head that sounded strangely like his father said that it was only a matter of time.

Remembering that he still had Hermione's gift in his pocket Draco pulled it out and with a spell he wrapped it in colorful paper and then he did the spell that would make it appear at the end of her bed in the morning. With a sigh he collapsed back on the sofa, blocking out unpleasant thoughts and, after awhile, he slept.

Draco woke up early. He opened his eyes and from his view of the window he could see that it was just after dawn. He closed his eyes determined to get more sleep. Yesterday had seemed incredibly long and he figured he owed it to himself to sleep in a little bit. He was just about to fall back asleep when Granger's cat jumped onto his chest and started to get comfortable. Draco hadn't seen him since the cat had attacked him in the Library so he knocked him off and in the process he noticed that there were two presents sitting on the sofa.

More than he had expected.

Draco picked up the one that was wrapped in green. He opened it and pulled out a pair of black silk boxers with the words "Slytherin" written on the back with green thread. No need to guess who those were from. He looked at the card that was inside. 'Wish you were here. I can't wait to go back to Hogwarts and see you. Love, Pansy. Ps. I hope to see you in these soon.'

Draco rolled his eyes and tossed the box aside. He then picked up the second one. There was a little tag on the outside that said 'To: Draco, From: Hermione, Merry Christmas!'. He couldn't believe that she had bought him a gift. He guessed that it wasn't that odd, after all, he had bought her something, but it was still unexpected. Happily unexpected. That she had put thought into buying him something made him feel oddly happy inside. That happiness was something he rarely felt unless he was around her.

He unwrapped it and opened the box. Inside was a wooden quill case with his name engraved on it. It was exquisitely made and had dragons carved on it. There was something else inside as well and he picked it up. It was a journal, bound in silver dragonskin. His fingers moved over the smooth scales. There was a piece of parchment sticking out of the journal so he pulled it out and began reading.

"This is so you have something to tell your thoughts to when I'm not there. Your friend always, Hermione Granger."

Draco felt something welling up inside him, something very much like appreciation.

* * *

Hermione woke up and stretched. She sat up in bed with a long happy sigh and looked at the neatly wrapped pile of gifts at the end of the bed. She opened the gifts from her parents first. The first one was a necklace with a jade pendant hanging from it. Hermione sat the necklace aside and opened the other one. It was a muggle medical text and inside there were several brochures for different schools with pre-med programs.

A little bit of the joy faded from the morning. Hermione pushed the book aside and then turned her attention back to her other gifts. She opened Ron's present next, it was a set of crystal prisms that when hung from the window created rainbows across the room. Harry's gift was a set of candle holders in the shape of lions. She had seen them in Diagon Alley and had instantly taken a liking to them. She was surprised Harry remembered. Knowing him, he had probably bought them right after he had seen that she liked them. That was Harry.

Neville had gotten her a set of bookmarks, each one with a different plant on it with information about that plant. Parvati had given her gardenia scented perfume while Lavender had gifted her a gigantic bottle of Sleakeazy's Hair potion. Ginny got her a little owl figurine that randomly flew, Molly Weasley knitted her scarf, and her other two roommates got her chocolates from Honeydukes. She picked up the last one. It simply read 'To Hermione' in big letters.

Hermione opened it to find a glass ball about the size of an orange. She picked it up and held it in her hand. At first she thought that it was just a crystal ball, which quite annoyed her because everyone knew her feelings about divination. She looked inside the glass and what she saw inside amazed her. It was a beach scene and across the water she could see the sunrise. She watched it for a few moments and then, like a snowglobe, she shook it. The scene changed and it looked like she was watching a sunset from on top of a snowy mountain. She smiled, it was so breath-taking. She piled her gifts on the table and then put a robe on over her nightgown.

The last gift had been addressed to Hermione and not Granger. She felt herself grinning, wondering if it was from who she thought it was from. With a smile on her face she made her way downstairs. She wanted to go see what gifts Harry and Ron had gotten and to do that she had to go through the Common Room, which was just fine with her, because there was someone she very much wanted to give a personal Merry Christmas to.

Hermione got downstairs and Draco had apparently opened his presents and had already fallen back asleep. The presents she had got him were laying next to his head and she smiled. She wanted to go over and jump on him to wake him up but she didn't. It looked like Crookshanks had already beaten her to it, as he was laying quite contently on Draco's legs.

With a smile Hermione sat down on the floor beside the couch so that she was sitting next to him.

"Merry Christmas," she whispered into his ear with a grin.

* * *

Wow! Almost 200 reviews, you guys are the BESTEST MOST AWESOMEST readers ever. Thank you for liking this story and giving me the drive to keep writing week after week. xoxox

Also, if you like this story you might want to read a new story I posted today called "Between the Lines" It's a short Draco/Hermione story and will probably be only two or three chapters but I hope you enjoy! I also have a Draco/Hermione story called "Elusive Awakenings" - Draco and Hermione are forced to get married - yikes! Check it out.


	15. Another Unexpected Christmas Kiss

Draco smiled in his sleep. He was so warm and comfortable lying there in front of the fire with a blanket wrapped around him. He'd been having dreams about her. Lovely dreams. He felt like he was somewhere between sleep and awake. It was strange to him how much he thought about her. How she weaved in and out of his thoughts the way that she did. It frightened him but in a way that he enjoyed. It was hard to explain, even to himself. He heard her voice and opened his eyes to see her smiling at him. He reached up and kissed her, happy that he could kiss her in his dreams if not in reality. His lips had barely touched hers when she pulled away.

"What do you think you are doing!" she asked angrily. Draco could hear the outrage in her voice. He blinked a few times, in his dreams she definitely wouldn't be protesting his affections. With a sigh he accepted the fact that he was really awake and she was really angry with him. Well, that hadn't been the smartest thing that he had ever done. It was her fault for being constantly stuck in his head the way that she was. Her fault for being so close to his lips. Her fault for being so damn beautiful.

"Sorry, thought I was still sleeping," he said sheepishly as he sat up on the couch. Hermione was sitting on the floor next to the couch and she looked so beautiful. Her hair was a mess, but he found that more endearing, and her cheeks were red which he thought was adorable. If only she had kissed him back his Christmas would've been complete. Well so much for that, from the way she was currently glaring at him he figured that a kiss was the last thing she wanted to give him. He wanted to do his best to diffuse the situation. It was hard not to pull her close and get a real kiss out of her but he didn't want to get slapped or cursed so he stopped himself from doing it.

Draco wondered at what point he had become so enamored with her. To him it seemed like one day he had disliked her and then the next day he was falling head over heels for her. The strange thing was she hadn't even really done anything to encourage it and if she had it was so subtle that he hadn't even noticed. He was used to girls throwing themselves at him, had been for a few years now. After all, he was rich, well-bred, and he had the admiration, or fear as it were, of most of the people in his year. None of that seemed to impress her, if anything it seemed to do the opposite for her. He wasn't used to this kind of relationship. Dragging girls up to the Astronomy Tower to snog, and not-so-accidental touches in forbidden areas in crowded hallways was his way usual way of seduction.

Not that he could say that he was actually intending on seducing her, he wasn't, at least he didn't think he was. If he didn't want to seduce her then what did he want really? A relationship? That was out of the question. There were way too many issues that would get in the way of having a relationship. First and foremost the fact that he wasn't ready for a relationship, not a real one. He didn't think that he ever would be. He had trust issues, commitment issues, fidelity issues, he hated all of her friends. That was just the tip of the iceberg. So what did he want from her? A real kiss. Was that all?

Probably not.

But he wasn't going to allow himself to think much more of it. It wasn't as if it mattered. He had probably just gotten the only kiss that he was ever going to get from her and it had been too short to satisfy the urge for what he really wanted. He was just going to have to deal with that. As soon as the holidays were over he was sure that his longing for her would subside. He'd barely get to see her anymore, Pansy would be back. Things would get back to the way they should be, how they had always been. For now there was little he could do but enjoy her company and hope that after he left Gryffindor Tower he wouldn't miss her too terribly.

"Thank you for the gift," he said, smiling over at her. It still meant a lot to him that she had cared enough to get him something. Especially because, besides Pansy, no one else had bothered to send him anything. He still didn't know why she cared, especially after everything that had happened between them over the years. Every day he was amazed by her. She was definitely one of a kind. He thought back to the silent revelation he had made to himself in the library last night. About how he felt about her, _really_ felt about her. Well he was just going to have to forget about it because it definitely didn't do him any good to acknowledge those feelings.

Forget them.

It was not often that he used _that_ word to describe his feelings about anything. He loved Quidditch and he loved Hogwarts. As far as love went that was all. Until recently. He refused to say her name in connection with _that_ word, even if it was in his head. What that would mean to him... he wasn't even going to go there. He couldn't because if he did it would cause pain that he wasn't ready to deal with. She would leave him eventually, like everyone else in his life had, so the less attached he got to her the better. Admitting his feelings to her would only expediate the process he was sure.

"It was my pleasure. I hope that you liked it. So... I had a gift and it didn't say who it was from. Dare I hope that you got into the Christmas spirit and found it in your heart to get me a gift?" she asked teasingly. Again he was struck by her beauty. If anyone had told him five or six years ago that he would think of the Gryffindor in this way he would have laughed and then promptly cursed them. He was glad that he had grown up since then.

Part of him wanted to play it cool and not let her know that he had been the one to send her the gift but at the same time he wanted to take credit for it. He wanted her to know that he cared enough about her to get her something and to actually put thought into it. It wasn't very often that he went out of his way to do something nice for someone. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he had done anything nice for anyone but her.

"I guess all of the decorations around the castle put me in the mood. Did you like it?" Draco sincerely hoped that she had. He had to admit that he was afraid that she would hate it. He hadn't had a clue as to what to get her. A book had seemed like the most logical choice but there was a library here at Hogwarts and really any book she wanted to read she could just check out. Not to mention he didn't know what books she had read and what books she hadn't. As much time as he was spending with her lately he really didn't know a whole lot about her interests. He definitely wanted that to change.

"I loved it. It was very beautiful. Thank you. Did you get any other gifts besides mine?" she asked hesitantly. He knew that she was wondering if his mother had sent him anything. He didn't want her to feel bad for him because she hadn't. He wasn't too upset about it, not that he was allowing himself to think very much about it. He pushed all thoughts of his mother out of his head. It suddenly occurred to him that he had put the boxers that Pansy had gotten him somewhere on the floor.

"Uh.. not really.." he had begun when suddenly he saw the box with the boxers hanging out of them on the floor underneath the table. Apparently she had seen them too because she grabbed the box and then took the boxers out and looked at them.

"Not really, hm?" she asked with a grin as he felt himself blushing.

"Hermione? What are you doing?" They both turned around to see Harry and Ron standing on the steps, looking at her holding his boxers, in what looked quite a bit like absolute horror.

* * *

Hermione turned around to see Ron and Harry and she quickly hid Draco's boxers behind her back but she could tell it was too late and that they had already seen. She was completely mortified. Her two best friends had just walked in on her sitting on the floor, by Draco's bed, holding his underwear. It really couldn't get much worse. She mentally told herself that they could have come down the stairs a few minutes earlier and witnessed him kissing her. That thought made her face even redder than it already was.

"Merry Christmas!" she said as she quickly stood up and tossed the boxers to Draco who promptly caught them. "Draco... Malfoy... I mean was just showing me what he got from... um..."

"Pansy," Draco offered up in her defense.

"Yes, Pansy." So Pansy had bought him underwear for Christmas? Well _that_ was appropriate. She felt a slight twinge of jealousy and pushed it to the side. There were more important things to deal with, like whether or not Harry and Ron were ever going to speak to her again. She couldn't believe that she had called him Draco. That definitely was not going to help her case. She could tell that Ron was angry. His face was as red as his hair. Harry, on the other hand, just looked perplexed.

Hermione ignored Draco and walked over to Harry and Ron giving each of them a hug and thanking them for the gifts that they had gotten her. After she hugged Ron he seemed to soften towards her a bit but she saw that he was still glaring at Malfoy. She hoped that Draco had the good sense not to glare back. The last thing she needed was for them to get into a fight on Christmas morning.

"Why don't we all get dressed for breakfast. I'll go get Ginny and meet you two down here in a few minutes," she said cheerily. Harry nodded and Hermione noticed how he had to literally take Ron's arm and pull him back up the stairs. This was quite a mess that she had gotten herself in. Ron was very protective towards her and she knew that he was worried that Draco would do something to hurt her. After last night in the Library, she couldn't say that his concern was unfounded.

Hermione walked back over to Draco once she was sure that Harry and Ron were back in their dorms. "Are you coming to breakfast with us?" she asked him.

"I think I'm going to sleep for awhile longer, but thanks. Would you like to keep these, something to remember me by perhaps?" he asked holding up the boxers. Hermione rolled her eyes and then made her way back upstairs. She looked in on Ginny telling her that they were going to go to breakfast. Ginny had just opened up presents and was about to get dressed so Hermione went to her room to shower and do the same. She was wondering if she should pull Ginny aside and tell her what had happened between her and Draco. Part of her wanted to share but the other part wanted to keep it a secret.

As Hermione was getting dressed she thought about Draco and how she had almost kissed him earlier. If he hadn't caught her so completely off guard she might have. It had just been so sudden, one moment she had been trying to wake him up, and the next she had felt his lips brush hers. Just the thought of it made her face burn. The thought of what she had really wanted to do made it worse. Only another week and then he would be going back to Slytherin and she would be rid of the temptation.

That thought made her incredibly sad.

Hermione made her way back to the Common Room and Draco was still on the sofa. Either he had fallen back asleep or he was pretending to be. Harry, Ron, and Ginny were waiting for her by the portrait door so Hermione walked right past him. She and her friends walked down to the Great Hall and saw a splendid breakfast sat out for them on one of the tables. Hermione was sad that Draco had decided not to come. He would probably just sneak off to the kitchens when he woke up. Unless of course after breakfast she fixed a plate for him and took it up to him herself. Her sensible side said that was much too close to a romantic breakfast in bed but her other side said he needed to eat and it wouldn't really hurt anything.

Unless Harry and Ron saw, of course.

They were halfway through with breakfast when Ron apparently decided to get something off his chest.

"Hermione, have you been snogging Malfoy?" He blurted out in a long string of rushed words. It took her a moment to discern what he was even talking about.

"Ron!" Ginny interjected before Hermione even had time to process the question. "That is absolutely none of your business," she said in Hermione's defense.

"Is too!" said Ron, as he glumly pushed the food around on his plate. Hermione still didn't know what to say. She knew that it must have taken Ron quite a bit of courage to ask the question in the first place although she agreed with Ginny, it really was none of his business. Of course that didn't mean that she wasn't going to give him an answer.

"Ron, _really._ I don't go around kissing anyone, let alone Draco Malfoy." That at least was the truth. After all, earlier _he_ had kissed _her_ and she'd had no control over that. Her answer seemed to satisfy Ron because he mumbled something and then continued eating his breakfast. Hermione had to admit that she felt a little bit guilty for not sharing her real thoughts about Draco to Harry and Ron. She didn't think that either one of them would understand where she was coming from and it wasn't worth fighting with her two best friends just to say...

Well, just to say... that she liked Malfoy.

Liked him a lot actually.

* * *

Have I told you guys lately how much I love you for your reviews and for making this story such a joy to write? Well I do! Thank you so much for inspiring me every week to keep writing.


	16. The Choosing of Sides

After they had their Christmas morning breakfast Hermione followed Harry, Ron, and Ginny back up to the Common Room. Ginny had come up with the idea of going ice skating on the Lake which they all had enthusiastically jumped on. They were going back up to the Tower to get warmer clothes on and Hermione had to admit that she was looking forward to it. She very much wanted Draco to come but she didn't think that asking him would be a good idea. She wanted to keep the peace between her friends and Draco but that was seeming increasingly impossible.

They entered the Common Room and Ron and Harry trudged up the stairs to their dorms while Ginny went to the staircase that lead to the girl's.

"I'll be up in a minute," Hermione said to her. She wanted to talk to Draco. Looking over at the sofa she could see the top of his blond head. Ginny nodded and disappeared up the stairs as Hermione walked towards Draco. She was pleased to see that he had the journal spread out on his lap and was writing something.

"What are you writing?" she asked with a smile.

Draco quickly shut the journal and tried to look innocent, which widened her smile. She was finding him quite adorable at the moment. Then again, that was happing more and more frequently as the days passed. She tried not to over analyze it but being analytical was something that she was rather good at. Each day that she was around him she grew more fond of him and found herself wanting to be near him even more than she had the day before. There were also all of these little things that she would notice about him that made it that much more difficult not to want to be around him. Like the way the sunlight landed on his hair, the flecks of blue in his gray eyes, the way his forehead wrinkled wrinkled when he was concentrating. She had become to cherish all of those things.

"If you want to know feel free to come and take it from me," he said with a cheshire grin as he hid the journal behind his back.

She had to admit that she was curious. However she felt like she would be invading his privacy by reading it. Although, he had given her permission... She leaned forward and reached for it. Their faces so close together that she could feel his breath. She could feel her hand on the journal and she grabbed it but it wouldn't budge. She felt one of his hands cover hers and instantly she felt heat coursing through her body.

"Is that all you've got?" he whispered in her ear. His lips were so close that she could feel his breath on her ear. She felt her face flush and the familiar urge to kiss him. Perhaps...

"Hermione?"

Before she could even entertain the notion of kissing him as a distraction Ron's voice interrupted her. This was definitely a day for getting caught in awkward situations. She stood up and felt her face burn for the second time today. Ron and Harry had the worst timing in the world. She tried to calm her beating heart but she could still feel the way his hand had felt wrapped around hers.

"I was just about to go get changed," she said quickly before rushing up the stairs and into her room. She couldn't keep doing this. It was so hard to make everyone happy. It was so hard to make herself happy. Especially when she was so conflicted about what she wanted. Deep down she knew... she wanted him. But at the cost of her friends? That was too large a price to pay for anything, even him. She grabbed a heavy cloak and her scarf and as soon as she opened the door she could hear raised voices.

Hermione hurried down the stairs and back into the Common Room to see both Ron and Draco standing up and facing one another. Ron had his wand pointed straight at Draco and Draco was wearing that old familiar 'I hate you all' look that she hated seeing. Hermione walked in just as Draco was saying something.

"Go ahead. You'll probably end up puking up slugs anyway," he said with a sneer.

"Really. Want to test that out?" asked Ron haughtily.

Hermione had seen enough of it. "Stop this both of you. You're acting like first years," she said as she stepped in between them. She pushed Ron's hand down so that it was pointing at the floor and no longer at Draco. "We have to get through the next nine days together and then you'll never have to speak to each other again, but this must stop."

"Are you still going to talk to him after the holidays?" asked Ron angrily.

"No, I mean... probably not. Who knows? Let's just concentrate on getting along now." Hermione couldn't bring herself to even look at Draco. She hadn't been expecting such a question and in a moment of panic she had lied. She just didn't know what to say. What could've she said that would have made everyone happy? She felt torn in two entirely different directions and she didn't know what to do.

"So do we have a truce?" she asked anxiously. Her eyes looked over Draco but she couldn't look him in the eye. She could feel that he was hurt, as plainly as if he had told her. She felt her heart crumbling. She truly hadn't meant to do or say anything to hurt him, he was dealing with so much already and she didn't want to add to that.

"Truce? That's a funny one Granger." That was all he said before he walked out of the Common Room, slamming the portrait in the process. Hermione felt like crying but told herself not to. It seemed as if she had chosen her side and while it didn't make her happy she knew that it had to be done eventually. She couldn't betray seven year old friendships for something that had just happened in the last few weeks.

If she had her way she wouldn't have had to choose at all.

"Are you coming Hermione?" asked Ron looking quite pleased with himself. Hermione didn't feel like talking so she just nodded and followed her friends outside.

Once they all got to the lake they transfigured their shoes into skates and then made their way out onto the ice. Hermione was feeling rather glum and didn't much feel like talking. Ginny however wasn't having any of that and forced her into conversation. For awhile they talked about Christmas gifts and before she knew it she was confiding in Ginny about the globe that Draco had given her.

Hermione noticed something in the sky and after a moment she realized that it was a person. Draco more specifically. He was flying around the Quidditch Pitch and she could make out the bright green of his robes. She found herself being distracted by him. Wishing that she knew what he was thinking, and that he knew what she was thinking. That she was so incredibly sorry for not taking his side.

"I think he hates me," Hermione said sullenly.

"I think it's quite the opposite really," Ginny said optimistically.

* * *

He hated her. Absolutely hated her.

Draco stalked through the hallways of Hogwarts intent on food and isolation. So that's how it was then? As soon as he was out of Gryffindor Tower she was never going to talk to him again? Well, that was fine with him. Best to learn that now rather than later. He'd been right all along, she was going to leave him like everyone else did. He was only wanted when it was convenient. Well, he was going to show her. As soon as he got something to eat and cooled off a bit he was going back to the Slytherin Dungeons. Dumbledore be damned.

He made his way into the Kitchens, got a plate of the never ending supply of food, and then went into the Great Hall where he ate alone. The silence was unnerving and gave him plenty of time to think. Really he should have seen this coming. She was being polite to him the whole time.

Pity, that's what it was.

Well he was pitying himself enough for the both of them. A little voice in his head told him that the only reason he was angry because deep down he was really hurt. Hurt didn't even begin to describe it. She had been the only person in his life that he had actually shared his thoughts and his feelings with and that had all meant nothing to her. He still couldn't believe that she had said what she had.

"No. Probably not."

That's what she had said. He wasn't going to talk to her anymore. He was finished. He was done. There was no reason for him to try to be something to her that he clearly was not. With his food finished he made his way down to the Dungeons to get his Quidditch robes. A fly around the Pitch was exactly what he needed.

What he really needed... was to find out why this hurt so much.

Draco mounted his broom the minute he set foot outside the castle. He could see them all on the lake, having fun talking. he couldn't even describe how much he resented all of them. It was like they were rubbing his unhappiness in his face. He turned his mind to other things.

He had woken up this morning really hoping that his mother would at least have sent him a letter explaining where she was and what she had done. He resented her too. The fact that she was leaving him without either parent annoyed him more than he could say. For the first time in his life he honestly felt completely alone.

He wished that night in the library had never happened. Again with the thoughts of her. He was half tempted to throw himself from his broom just so that his thoughts of her would go away. The way he felt about her was so strange and unexpected. So entirely unwanted. The cold wind was bringing tears to his eyes and making his face numb but he didn't care. Right now it was the only release that he had.

No one but her had ever seen him cry.

Draco had trusted her more than he'd ever trusted another person. Betrayed. Again. He wanted to erase her from his mind. Part of him wanted to believe that she had only said that for the benefit of her friends. Really it didn't matter. She could have taken his side in front of them but she hadn't. Because he wasn't important enough. That was his fault, he had allowed himself to be weak. His father always said he was weak.

At least now he really knew. There was something to be said for that.

Draco wove in and out of the goal posts. At least he was doing something constructive. Slytherin was going to win this year's Quidditch Cup if he had anything to do with it. He was getting in some extra practice, not that he really needed it.

He'd been flying for a long time when he saw a figure approaching the Pitch. He knew who it was. Draco flew higher. He wasn't going to go running to her like a little puppy who wanted her attention. He'd cast a warming charm on himself before he took flight and as long as he wasn't freezing to death he wasn't coming down until she left. Ten minutes later she was still waiting. Well, she was going to have a long wait in front of her.

Fifteen minutes after that, he had decided to change his strategy. He was getting tired of flying and her presence was being an unwelcome distraction to him. With her standing down there it was hard to have any thoughts about anything but her. He turned his broom around towards her and then he began to plummet to the earth as if he was seeking the snitch. Closer and closer, he could see the look of panic on her face. At the moment he was close enough to reach out and touch her he swerved to the right so fast that her hair flew into her face and then with a satisfied smile he sped back to the castle.

Draco landed his broom right outside the entrance and then quickly walked inside. He didn't want Granger following him and bothering him anymore than she already had. He made his way up to the Tower to get the few things that he had taken with him and once that was done he made the long trek to the dungeons. Walking into his own Common Room, he felt like he was finally at home. It was freezing but he was generally used to that. He went up to his room and with a few flicks of his wand he unpacked and then started a fire in the fireplace.

Hopefully Dumbledore wouldn't appear at his door and demand that he go back. He had attempted to stay with the Gryffindor and it hadn't worked out. He was perfectly capable of staying by himself and being alright. It wasn't like he could get into much trouble down here by himself. What was he going to do? Have a party? Entertain a female?

There was pretty much nothing to do.

Except think about a certain bushy-haired, know-it-all, Gryffindor. The brains of the golden trio, the best student in the school, the person who, if only for a short time, had been the best friend that he had ever had. He hadn't always disliked her. He was sure that if she hadn't have been sorted into Gryffindor and been Potter's friend then he might have actually liked her sooner. It was the fact that she was Potter's friend that had made her his target. Regardless of popular opinion he didn't hate muggles or muggleborns. He was above them of course, but he had never really cared one way or another about the issue. His father, on the other hand, had an even grander sense of superiority, but Draco wasn't his father. He had secretly tried his whole life not to turn into that person. Being at Hogwarts had helped.

Draco didn't know what he was going to do once he graduated. It was a subject that he tended to avoid thinking about. He knew, everyone knew, that his father wanted him to follow in his footsteps. Draco wanted to avoid that at all costs. He would avoid it. The only thing that was saving him was the fact that his father was in Azkaban, even there Draco knew he might not survive his father's rage.

But he was going to try.

* * *

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	17. She was kissing Draco Malfoy

Several hours later Hermione Granger sat in the Gryffindor Common Room still torn between hurt and, she had to admit, a little bit of anger. What Draco had done earlier, nearly flying his broom into her, had made her furious. At first she had been hopeful that he was going to actually land and talk to her. That had been a stupid thought. She knew that he was hurt and angry with her but she just wanted him to understand. She had overlooked so many things in her quest to be friends with him. His temper, his arrogance, all of the things in the past that he had done to her and her friends.

Was it so much to ask that he do the same for her?

Hermione looked out the window. It was snowing again, and dark outside. Dinner was going to be soon and she could only hope that he would make an appearance. She had noticed that all of his things were missing from the Common Room and that had hurt too. That he would just write her off so easily and not even let her explain made her more upset. She wasn't sure that she knew what to say to make it better but she at least wanted the opportunity to try.

Hurt and anger. She was feeling those in spades.

More hurt than anything. Part of her had to admit that a good amount of the anger was directed towards herself. She hated that she let herself get caught between her friends and him. She could have stayed silent or walked away or done anything other than give the answer that she had. She wanted to apologize and she was angry that he wouldn't even allow her to do that. Hermione rested her head on her arms as she stared at the globe that was sitting unmoving on the table.

Merlin, why wouldn't thoughts of him ever give her peace?

"Hermione, it's about time for the Christmas feast," Harry said as he interrupted her thoughts. Hermione decided that she ought to go get freshened up a bit so she silently went up stairs. She knew that it was unfair of her to take out her anger on her friends but they were the ones that had made her choose. Ron more specifically.

Hermione went into her dorm room and changed clothes. She was wearing a red sweater that Mrs. Weasley had knitted her and a long black skirt. She tied her hair back and then decided that she looked good enough, if not cheery enough, for a Christmas Feast. The rest of her friends made it down to the Common Room soon afterwards, all of them dressed a little bit better than usual.

As they were walking through the hallways, Hermione noticed that Ron was looking at her strangely. She was starting to wonder if there was a wart, or something equally horrifying, growing on her face. "Why are you staring at me like that?" she asked impatiently.

"I just... um... well... that is to say... you look... nice?" He said in a voice that sounded as if he hadn't yet hit puberty yet. His face turned several shades of red and he was wearing a sheepish grin.

"Well... thanks Ron," she said giving him an odd look. It wasn't often that she got complimented on her looks, even stranger that those compliments came from Ron, and in such a flustered fashion as well. Maybe it was his attempt to make up to her for earlier. Well buttering her up wasn't going to make her feel better. In fact there was only one thing that she could think of that would make her feel better and that was Draco actually talking to her. Which at the moment he wasn't.

They entered the Great Hall and Christmas carols were playing over the Wireless Wizards Network and Dumbledore was there to greet them with a cheery smile. The four house tables had disappeared and there was one large table sitting in the middle of the Hall. It was set in white and gold, with several small ice sculptures in the shape of Christmas Trees decorating it. Looking closer Hermione could see that from inside the ice there were small red and green lights glowing from within. There were thirteen places set but only Dumbledore, Filch, and the three Ravenclaws had yet arrived.

"Sit down! Sit down," said Dumbledore gleefully. "Everyone should be here shortly. I hope you have all had a wonderful Christmas thus far and are delightfully famished for we have a feast fit for Kings."

Hermione sat down next to one of the Ravenclaws, Ron sat next to her, with Harry next to him, and Ginny beside Harry with Dumbledore sitting at the end of the table. Soon afterward Snape appeared in a flourish of black robes with McGonagall and Hagrid following soon after. That left only one occupied seat, right across from her.

"Well, it looks as if one of our party is missing. One of us should go and fetch him," Dumbledore said pointedly looking at Snape who seemed content not to move from his comfortable chair and his warm apple cider to go traipsing down to the dungeons to fetch someone who was probably even more unenthusiastic about attending the Feast than he was.

"Miss Granger?" Dumbledore said with a smile. "Would you do us the favor of gathering Mr. Malfoy from the dungeons. I believe the password is 'Gillyweed'."

Hermione jumped at the chance not caring what Harry and Ron had to say about it. This would give her the chance that she needed to talk to him. He wouldn't be expecting her and she could catch him off guard and make him listen. It would also give her the opportunity to speak her piece without being interrupted by anyone. It was something that needed to be done and the sooner she talked to him the sooner the knot in her stomach might go away. As she left the Hall she heard Dumbledore trying to get them to sing carols while they waited.

Hermione was just about to the entrance of the Slytherin Common Room when Peeves appeared up above her.

"Looky there, looky there, a girl is here and no one's near."

"Leave me alone, Peeves. I'm not in the mood to deal with you," Hermione said as she walked right past him.

"Ooooh the lioness goes to meet the snake. Leaving anger in her wake." He vanished into the wall laughing, leaving her wondering, for the millionth time, why Dumbledore didn't just banish him from the castle altogether.

Hermione stopped at what she was fairly sure was the wall that lead to the Slytherin Dungeons. She stood in front of it and when she spoke the password the wall moved aside revealing the entrance. She made her way inside and into their Common Room. He was no where to be found. Counting on the hope that the boy's dormitory was to the right like it was in the Gryffindor Tower, she went that way. She walked through an arched hallway and saw the doors numbered one through seven. Each door had a silver snake that was shaped into a number. She stopped in front of number seven.

Hermione knocked but there was no answer. Deciding that he was either ignoring her, or asleep, she took it upon herself to see if the door was locked. It wasn't, so she let herself in. She saw him laying on one of the beds on the far side of the room so she went over to him. He was fast asleep and again she found herself enjoying the sight of him.

She also wanted to crawl into bed with him just to hold him.

Hermione found herself wanting to do a lot of things but not being able to find the courage to do them. She was a Gryffindor after all, and the fact that courage and bravery were failing her made her a little sad inside. She knew why she was afraid. She was afraid of everything that he meant to her. Of what she might, or might not, mean to him. But she had to ask herself...

Did running away from him make things any easier?

Not that she could tell.

Hermione nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt him grab her wrist. "What are you doing?" she asked looking down at him and into his fathomless grey eyes.

"I could ask you the same thing," he said letting go of her and then sitting up in his bed. "After all, this is the Slytherin Dungeons, and my room, and I'm in my bed. What could I possibly be doing, hmm? Trying to sleep perhaps?" he said in an icy tone as he glared at her.

Hermione decided that it was do or die time. Before she could talk herself out of it she sat down on his bed and made herself comfortable. He was going to listen to her and this hostility between them was going to go away if it was the last thing she did. She couldn't stand this. They had worked so hard to become friends and she was not going to let go of that for anything in the entire world.

"What-"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. You _know_ I didn't mean what I said. I was just put on the spot and there was nothing that I could say that would make everyone happy. I'm sorry that I took sides. I never wanted to. I don't want to. I like you so very much and I want you to talk to me again, whether or not you think that I deserve it." He was quiet so she decided to continue.

"You must understand that I am in an impossible situation. You are everything that Ron and Harry despise and even though they don't know the other parts of you that doesn't mean that they aren't justified. You haven't ever given them a reason to feel anything but dislike for you and I'm not telling you that you should try to change their minds. In a split second I made a mistake that I wish I could take back. It was unfair of me to say that to you and I never meant to hurt your feelings," she said looking up at him.

"Hurt my feelings? Who says that's what you did? That would insinuate that I actually care, and I don't. I was never anything to you and you were never anything to me. You're right. Why should we bother talking after the holidays? We shouldn't."

Hearing him say that hurt a little more than she thought it would. She was never anything to him? Anything at all? Not friend? Not confidant? Not... friend?

"Do you mean that?" she asked looking him straight in the eye, challenging him to say that he did. That she meant absolutely nothing to him and she had been fooling herself all of this time.

"Yes."

"Really?" she asked feeling a multitude of emotions welling up inside of her. Panic was among the first ones. Her chest felt all funny inside and she didn't like it one bit. She didn't like him making her feel this way. It wasn't fair. He was lying. She knew he was lying and she was going to prove it. Before she could even stop to think, or to analyze, or rationalize, she leaned forward, her face so close to his. Their lips inches apart. She could see the tiny flecks of blue in his stormy eyes.

Before she had time to close the gap between them and press her lips to his, he was kissing her. The panic heightened for a moment and then fell back to a controllable level. He was kissing her. She was kissing him back. Her mind went amazingly blank as she concentrated on his lips moving against hers. Such soft lips and warm breath. She felt his tongue slide into her mouth and she couldn't bring herself to pull away from the amazing sensations that he was creating all throughout her body. It suddenly occurred to her that she had hands. She reached up and touched his face as she had spent so many times longing to do.

She couldn't believe it.

Really she couldn't.

She was kissing Draco Malfoy.

* * *

Draco couldn't believe what was happening. He had expected her to pull away, to slap him, to leave. Anything but the passionate response that he was getting. A million thoughts were running through his head. First and foremost was that he never wanted to kiss anyone else but her. The way that she responded to him, her lips moving against his and her hands against his body. It was nothing that he had ever experienced before.

Nothing compared to her.

The raw emotion that was coursing through him was somewhat frightening. When he kissed other females he felt excitement but that was usually the extent of it. Not with her. Then again it was never simple with her. He wanted it to be, he wanted to believe that there was some way that he could make this simple, that they could be simple together, but there wasn't a way.

They had both proved that this morning.

Draco pulled away and looked at her. She looked as overwhelmed as he felt. They sat there, foreheads pressed together, looking at each other. He couldn't resist kissing her one more time. One more time turned into twice more and then three times. He had to make himself stop. This couldn't happen anymore. He could already feel himself falling.

Falling for her even more deeply.

He hated that he had forgiven her so easily. That he wanted her so badly. He had listened to everything that she had said and he had felt himself caving despite himself. He didn't want to forgive her. If there was one thing that he was good at it was holding a grudge. The fact that he wanted to forgive her was strange to him. The fact that he _had_ forgiven her was even stranger to him.

It suddenly occurred to him that she was in his room sitting on his bed. He looked down to see that at some point they had begun holding hands. This was a new experience to him as well. He simply just didn't hold hands. He was beginning to feel... uncomfortable wasn't exactly the word. Strange, that explained a lot. This whole day had been_ strange_.

"What are you doing here?" he asked in an attempt to ease some of the awkwardness he was feeling. It was taking everything that he had not to begin kissing her again. She had the softest lips. He wanted to know what they would feel like traveling over other parts of his body. He turned his attention back to her and he had to admit that she looked a little panicked.

"I completely forgot! Dumbledore sent me down here to get you for dinner," she said as she climbed off the bed, still holding his hand. "Are you coming?" she asked.

Draco didn't feel very much like eating, in fact he very much wanted time alone to think. He didn't know where they were going to go from there. He didn't want it to go anywhere. Really he didn't. He had forgiven her for what she had said earlier that morning. He had no choice but to forgive her, but it couldn't be anything more than friendship. Friends, friends, friends.

"I'll go with you," he said as he got out of bed. It took him a lot to leave the room with her when all he really wanted was to take her back to the bed and talk to her until the mess in his head got sorted out. He felt like she would be able to help him figure out his feelings. He knew that he relied on her too much. He couldn't keep doing that. He had to stop.

They walked back through the corridors, still hand in hand, while he thought. He looked over at her to find her looking thoughtfully at him. When she noticed him looking she turned away and he had to stop himself from smiling. He liked the fact that she was shy, that it was as new to her as it felt to him. When they got nearer the hall he felt her let go of his hand and he sorely missed the loss of it.

As they got closer they could hear the booming sound of Hagrid's voice as he sung Christmas Carols. They entered the Hall together but Draco noticed that they had drifted a few feet apart so they were no longer in touching distance. He felt himself being bothered by that fact. it wasn't as if he expected her to show any hint of affection towards him in front of anyone. That didn't mean that he didn't secretly want that. He secretly wanted a lot of things that he was never going to have.

She was at the top of his list.

He had to stop thinking about her like this. It wasn't going to do any one of them a bit of good in the long run. He was only going to hurt her. Hurt himself. He knew himself well enough to know that when it came to self sabotage he was a master. He had spent so long thinking that he was never going to be happy that he had begun to believe it. Every time he was close to being happy he had to push it away.

He had to push her away.

Better to leave her before she could leave him.

That was his philosophy.

"Ah, I see we are all finally here!" Dumbledore said cheerily as Draco and Hermione took their seats. Draco wondered why he had got stuck sitting directly across from her. That just made things harder. Having to look at her. Want her. need her. He didn't know how he could keep his feelings from playing across his face like a movie. Long years of practice, he supposed.

He wondered what she was thinking. If she was thinking about him. What she was thinking about him. Did she think it was a mistake? He did... no he didn't. He wanted to believe that it was a mistake. He wanted it to feel like a mistake just so he wouldn't do it again. It would be so much easier if he didn't want to do it again. He looked up and caught Weasel staring at him. Staring wasn't exactly the right word. Glaring would've been a better one. Draco made eye contact and refused to look away. He was still feeling quite a bit of resentment over the fact that he had been the one to cause the confrontation this morning. If it hadn't have been for him then Hermione never would have said what she did.

The sting of it still hadn't gone away. He tried to concentrate on it and make it bigger. He was so used to blanketing himself in negative emotions as a sort of protection. It was so much easier for him to be angry. He wanted to recapture the anger that he had felt earlier so that he would have a justification for pushing her away.

One moment he wanted to be near her and the next minute he didn't.

He hated the internal conflict that he was feeling.

His thoughts were interrupted by the appearance of food on the table and he busied himself with piling it onto his plate and then concentrating on his food and not on her. It didn't stop the occasional glances. He couldn't help himself. Each time he looked at her he felt his resolve start to crumble. One look lead to another and then another. Before he knew it the meal was over and Dumbledore was encouraging them to open Christmas crackers. The cardboard tubes were pulled apart and with a bang and a small puff of smoke different little gifts would fall from them.

Dumbledore handed him one and Draco pulled on it. There was a bang and then a puff of smoke and he looked down to see a red, over-sized, top hat with a sprig of holly attatched to the rim.

"What a lovely hat, Mr. Malfoy!" Dumbledore said happily. There was nothing lovely about it and Draco wondered if the  
Headmaster had been partaking in a little bit too much egg nog. "Surely you'll try it on for us?"

"I'd rather not," Draco said glumly. Others had hats on but Draco really didn't want to join in the foolishness. He wasn't feeling much in the Christmas spirit.

"Come on Malfoy, it's just a hat," said Weasley. Draco wanted to tell him that maybe he ought to put it on because it was a perfect match for his hair but as they were in front of Professors he restrained himself. They wanted him to wear the stupid hat? Fine, if it would get them to leave him alone. He picked it up and put it over his head only to have it fall over his eyes, much to the amusement of everyone at the table.

A little while later, to his profound relief, it was over. Dumbledore bid them all good night and Merry Christmas and Draco took that opportunity to leave the table. He wanted to go back down to the dungeons and begin the long complicated thought process of figuring out what he wanted to do about Granger. As if summoned by his thoughts he heard her call his name and he turned around to see her standing behind him.

"Draco, we need to talk."

* * *

Thank you for reading and as always reviews are much appreciated. If you haven't already you might want to take a look at my completed Draco/Hermione short story Between The Lines. Have a delightfully lovely weekend!


	18. Sleep and Pillow Fights

Hermione looked at Draco and she could see that the last thing in the world that he wanted to do was talk to her. Part of her understood but the other part, the part that wanted _him_ to seek _her_ out, was a little hurt that he could just walk away so easily. She wanted him to yearn for her, like she did for him. She didn't want to wonder if maybe that wasn't possible. At that moment she sincerely wanted to believe that anything was possible.

She still couldn't believe that he had kissed her.

"What do we need to talk about?" Draco asked as he looked away from her. He was looking everywhere but directly at her and a rush of insecurities flooded through her. He had looked at her during the feast, stared at her actually, and it had taken all of her self control not to smile at him, to grin at him, and show him how he made her feel inside.

Hermione didn't like the way she was feeling at that exact moment.

It kinda hurt a little bit.

"I think we just need to talk about... about everything. Will you please come back up to Gryffindor Tower? Really there's no reason to spend Christmas night by yourself." Hermione knew that there was going to be little opportunity for her to talk with Draco, at least at first. Harry, Ron, and Ginny were more than likely still awake, but that was what she wanted. She was going to walk up there with him, in front of her friends, and if they didn't like it, well that was just too bad. It wasn't her problem anymore. They could stop talking to her if they wanted to.

"Will you please come with me?" Hermione asked again, giving him, what she hoped, was a semi-convincing look. It meant a lot to her that he go with her. It was her attempt at making things right. Actions spoke louder than words and if she went up there with him, in front of her friends, then maybe things would really be okay.

"I don't see the point Granger. No one wants me there. I don't want to be there," he turned away from her and began walking down the hallway. Hermione was fighting with herself. She didn't know whether to swallow her pride and follow him or just leave him alone. It was Christmas after all, and he was her friend, and she did miss him terribly when he wasn't around.

"Draco, wait," she said hurrying after him. She caught up with him at the stairway down to the Dungeons. "Please, I'm asking you to come with me. I want you there. I wouldn't ask you to come if I didn't want you there. Just one more night. That's all I'm asking you. You can go back in the morning if you want to but please spend just one more night with me."

Draco looked at her with that intense gaze that always made her heart flutter. She loved those eyes, that smile, every single look that he gave her. Not necessarily the look that he was giving her at the moment, that one spoke of a lot of annoyance, she still liked the fact that he was looking at her. Acknowledging her existence.

"Alright, one more night. That's it." Hermione gleefully took his arm and they began walking towards the Gryffindor Tower. He didn't resist so she decided that if he was okay with it then there was no reason why she should let go. Part of her was worried that Harry or Ron would round the corner at that exact moment but she told herself not to let it matter.

It didn't anymore.

They walked together back up the tower and as they stood in front of the portrait door Hermione could hear the talking and the laughter from inside. Right as she spoke the password Draco pulled his arm away. She looked up at him hoping that she wouldn't see bitterness. She did.

"You didn't have to..."

"Yes. I did," he said simply as he walked through the portrait hole. She hoped that her friends would not give him the icy greeting she expected them to. Hermione went in right behind him and as far as she could tell Ron and Harry were happily pretending that they hadn't seen him. Hermione watched as Draco went and sat in a chair in the corner so she joined Harry and Ron who were playing Wizard's Chess with Ginny spectating.

"What's he doing here?" asked Ron with a sigh. Hermione sat down on the floor next to the low table so that she could better see the game and talk to them. She debated upon her answer for a few moments before finally deciding to go by the adage of 'the truth never hurts'.

"I asked him to come and stay with us. He'll be going back to the Slytherin in the morning but it is Christmas and... well, I don't really mind his company," she said nonchalantly. "Harry, you might want to move your knight, here," she said as she pointed to a spot on the chessboard.

"Thanks Hermione," Harry said as he made his move. There was silence for a few moments as Ron and Harry went back and forth making their moves. Suddenly Ginny spoke and Hermione turned towards her.

"I don't really mind him either," Ginny said giving a quick, covert, smile to Hermione. Hermione appreciated the silent support. It felt good to know that she wasn't alone when it came to not entirely disliking him. She knew that Ginny was probably just trying to be a good friend and didn't necessarily mean it, but it felt good to hear it anyway.

"You what?" asked Harry looking up at her with a rather perplexed look on his face. Hermione watched as Ginny gave him a big smile and by the look in Harry's eyes he had been the victim of that smile quite a bit.

"He's rather a lot like Crookshanks if you think about it. You can pretend that he's not there half the time and every once and awhile you step on his tail and it puts him in a bad mood," Ginny said.

Hermione felt bad for wanting to laugh but she couldn't help having the urge even though she was suppressing it. Ginny had a point, she had never really noticed the similarities but at least it explained why Crookshanks seemed to be so smitten with Draco.

They all sat together for a long time around the table talking. Once Harry and Ron's game was done they all started a game of exploding snap. Hermione looked over at Draco to see him sitting in his chair with his eyes closed. It looked like he was sleeping and she was kinda glad for it. She didn't want him to feel out of place and the fact that she was enjoying time with her friends would more than likely do that.

Harry was the first one to give in and yawn. Ginny offered to walk him back to his dorm, saying that she had forgotten her scarf in their room. Hermione decided that really she just wanted to spend some time alone with Harry. She didn't blame them, it was probably hard for them to find time alone with she and Ron tagging along.

"Up for a game of chess?" asked Ron as he packed away all of the cards.

"Sure," Hermione said as she looked over at the sleeping Draco. She wanted nothing more than to wake him up and talk to him. She hadn't forgotten the kiss, in fact it had been the only thing that she was constantly thinking about. Secretly... so secretly. She just wanted to do it again.

Hermione and Ron had been playing chess for several minutes. She was trying to figure out her next move when all of a sudden Ron blurted out,

"Hermione, I need to talk to you."

Hermione made her move and then looked up at him. He was bright red and he kept looking over at the stairs to the boys dormitory as if he expected Harry and Ginny to come down at any minute. Hermione waited for him to make his move while they talked but he wasn't even paying attention to the game.

"What do you need to talk to me about?" she asked perplexed. She hoped that he wasn't suspicious of Harry and Ginny being gone for so long. Hermione didn't want to be the one to tell him that there was a good possibility that one day Ron and Harry might be inlaws.

"I was wondering if maybe the next time we go to Hogsmeade you might like for us to go... together."

Hermione had been busy calculating some possible future moves so she had only half heard him. She had to admit that she was a little confused. "Go together? We always go together," she said absently. After a few moments she realized that perhaps he had been talking about something entirely different.

"I meant without Harry and Ginny. You know, by ourselves..." he said trailing of and looking anywhere but at her. He finally made his chess move, leaving him wide open for her to win the game. She realized how distracted he really must be.

She couldn't blame him. Ronald Weasley had just asked her out. On what she was quite sure was a date.

Hermione found herself being at a complete loss for words. That was happening more and more frequently lately. Should she say yes? How could she say no? She had to say no. If it was anything but 'no' he might take it as a sign that she wanted something more than friendship. She didn't, not from him, not right now. She loved him dearly, but she wasn't sure that it could ever become more.

The only way she could think of to get out of it was to get him to withdraw his offer. Hermione hoped that it would be a fairly easy thing to do. After all, she knew how much courage it took for him to ask her in the first place. Hopefully he wouldn't have the courage to be persistent about it. She felt bad that she was making him lose his confidence.

"Why do you want to go together? Are you planning on buying something for Harry or Ginny?" Hermione asked as she pretended to be distracted with the chessboard.

"Not exactly," Ron mumbled.

"Buying something for your Mum once all of the Christmas stuff goes on sale?" she asked as she again tried to look interested in the chessboard. It was hard not to look at him but she was afraid that if she did she would lose her nerve and just give in to him. Ron was one of her best friends and it was hard to tell him no.

"Yes?" Ron said and Hermione felt incredibly guilty for misleading him like she was.

"Well, we might as well take along Ginny. After all, she's a girl and she'd probably know what your Mum would like better than anything. Harry's got a good eye for things as well so I'm sure he wouldn't mind helping out." Hermione finally took his King, thus ending the game.

"Yeah, you're right, they could probably help. Best get up to bed. 'Night, Hermione."

Hermione watched him go, feeling guilt gnawing at her stomach. She felt like she had humiliated him and that had been the last thing that she had wanted to do. She didn't want to hurt his feelings but honestly this would be best in the long run. She was confused enough about her feelings as it is and there was no point in making it worse.

Once Ron had disappeared up the stairs, passing Ginny on the way down, Hermione walked over to the chair that Draco was laying in. She reached down and touched his cheek.

"It's time to wake up."

* * *

Draco opened his eyes only to see her looking down at him. He had the familiar urge to kiss her but he stopped himself. No more kisses. No more feelings. He hated feeling. Feeling joy, happiness, the odd, alien, feeling of completeness. It was something that he had never felt and something that he never wanted to let go of.

"How long have I been asleep?" he asked, making his mind change its thought process. He watched as she took a seat on the couch and he wanted to join her. To be close to her, but he knew that he shouldn't. This was probably going to be the hardest conversation he was ever going to have and he didn't want to be distracted by the closeness of her.

"Only an hour or two. Did you enjoy the sleep?" she asked as she took a sip from a steaming mug. He could smell chocolate.

"It was sleep." That much was the truth. It was the kind of sleep that he always prayed for. Deep, and dreamless. Sometimes, a lot lately, he wanted dreams. He wanted to think of her and see her even when he was sleeping. Especially now, now that things had to end, go back to the way they were. He wanted so badly to hate her and the only thing that he felt was the complete opposite of that.

"About the kiss..."

"What about it?" he asked. He wanted to distract her from continuing the conversation. He didn't want to hear her thoughts and feelings. He didn't want to know what it had meant to her. He knew what it meant. It meant that everything had changed and nothing was going to be the same again. Nothing at all.

"It was nice."

It was nice? It hadn't been bloody well _nice_. Just thinking about it made him feel flushed, made his heart pound. It was a lot of things but nice didn't even begin to cover it.

"Did you... was it... was I..." Hermione trailed off but he had a feeling that he knew what she was trying to say. Everyone knew his reputation. There were girls, lots of girls, that he'd snogged. She wanted to know where she ranked, or at least if it had been any good. Well it had, but he wasn't going to tell her that. He couldn't.

"It was ok." He had to stop the rush of words that wanted to follow. The confessions, the secrets, the affection that he felt. He wanted nothing more than to tell her, to tell someone, how wonderful it had been. He could see the look on her face. There was hurt and disappointment and really he couldn't stand it. He got off the chair and then sat beside her on the couch.

Draco looked over at her. She was looking anywhere but at him and he knew what he had done. He had taken the first step that needed to be taken. He could push her away now. He could drive the nails into the coffin. One more insult, maybe two, and it would be done. He could tell her that Pansy was better. He could tell her that it meant nothing. He couldn't bring himself to say either of those things.

In the big scheme of things it really did mean nothing.

"I think I'm going to go to bed now," she said standing up. He wanted to stop her. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to make everything okay so that she wouldn't hate him.

So he did.

"Hermione, please stay." It felt odd to say her name, but he did it. He had to. There was a sane part of his brain that was telling him not to let her go. Not to let her slip away. He felt overwhelmed by the fear. He felt like a big coward.

Hermione looked at him before sitting back down. He didn't know what to say to make things better so he did the only thing that he could think of to show her that he cared. He leaned forward and holding her face firmly in two hands, he kissed her.

It was short, and sweet, and he refused to let himself linger upon her lips.

"I think that I have never wanted to kiss anyone as much as I want to kiss you every second of every day, but I can't. Neither one of us can do this, do you understand? If my father knew that I was even talking to you... Then there's your friends, the Slytherins, myself. I just... can't." It all came out in a rush. He hadn't meant to tell her everything that he was thinking. That hadn't been the plan, but looking at her, seeing her, he figured that instead of trying to hurt her maybe he owed her the truth.

Hermione was quiet for a long time and he worried that maybe be had offended her. Maybe she didn't understand like he had hoped that she would. Then he thought that perhaps that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. If he told her the truth and she was still angry with him then at least he wouldn't have to carry around the guilt of lying to her.

"I know," she said after a few moments as she leaned back on the couch. She looked over at him and sighed and he felt the urge to do the same. They sat there in silence for a few more minutes as the fire in the fireplace crackled. Draco was reminded of how late it was. It was pitch black outside and he smothered a yawn. The little nap he'd had earlier had seemed to only make him more tired.

"Do you mind if I sleep down here with you? Just for tonight?" she asked looking at him with her beautiful brown eyes.

"No, I don't mind." The thought of laying with her appealed to him more than he wanted to admit. She laid down at her end of the couch while he laid down at the other. The couch was fairly large but their legs were resting next to each other. Feeling her against him made him feel calm inside. With a flick of his wand he draped a blanket over them and extinguished the lights.

"Good night Draco."

"Good night Hermione." It still felt odd to say her name and to hear her say his but he couldn't help but enjoy that intimacy.

Draco laid there for a long time unable to fall asleep. He wanted to remember this whole night and sleeping just seemed to be a waste. He wasn't sure that she was asleep but he didn't want to risk disturbing her if she was. Hopefully one of them was going to get some sleep. He worried that when morning came her friends might come down and see them. He pushed away the worry, if she wasn't concerned about it then there was no reason that he should be.

After a long while he fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

Draco woke up as the morning light filled the room. He yawned and then felt his stomach grumble, wondering how it could still be hungry after the feast that he'd had the night before. Draco looked down to see that at some time in the night his leg had gotten draped over hers. While the blanket was still covering them, both of them were also laying on it, making him feel a bit constricted. His leg had fallen asleep and it was a little painful so he tried to move it without waking her. Right as he went to move his leg she shifted and before he could stop it, he was falling off the couch and landing on the floor with her on top of him.

Draco cursed as she woke up and accidentally, at least he hoped it was an accident, kicked him in the stomach. It took a few moments to get themselves untangled from the blanket but finally they did it.

"What a nice way to wake up, being thrown to the floor," Hermione said with a sleepy smile.

"The floor? I think I was the one that got the majority of the floor. You were a bit cushioned if I remember correctly."

"Maybe, but you're not much of a cushion," she said as she tossed a pillow at him, hitting him square on the side of his face.

"Oh? Is that how you show your appreciation, Granger?" he asked as he threw it back at her and just for good measure threw another one at her. They went back and forth for a few minutes until Hermione was laughing so hard she couldn't move anymore. One of the pillows had busted and a good chunk of the Common Room was now covered in feathers.

Draco collapsed on the floor next to her, still laughing, and trying to catch his breath. It was then that he realized that they weren't alone. He looked up towards the figure that was standing at the entrance to the Common Room.

"It seems as if I have missed out on all of the fun," Dumbledore said with a small smile.

* * *

Please read and review. If you like my Hermione/Draco fics then you should check out Between the Lines, Poison, and Elusive Awakenings, all written by yours truly. Have a delightful weekend and come back next Friday for another chapter!


	19. “Yes I want you to leave”

Hermione looked up in absolute horror as she realized that Dumbledore was standing in the door way. There she was, on the floor, next to Draco, with a blanket laying next to them and feathers everywhere. She was definitely going to have some explaining to do. A thousand excuses ran through her head but none of them made much sense to her, she doubted that he would believe her. She wondered how he had come into the Common Room without them hearing him.

Dumbledore seemed to sense her question and answered it. "I knocked but I see that you too were otherwise engaged. I need to speak with you, Mr Malfoy." All of the humor seemed to have drained from Dumbledore's voice and Hermione knew that whatever he was going to say it wasn't going to be good. She decided that it was best to leave the two of them alone to talk so she went to get up, only to have Draco grab her wrist.

"Stay, please," Draco said and Hermione was surprised to feel that he was trembling. He was scared, and she was suddenly scared for him. A million scenarios ran through her head and she hoped that her instincts were wrong. She and Draco sat down together on the couch while Dumbledore sat down in one of the chairs. He seemed like a completely different person than he had been a minute ago. It was as if he had thrown a cloak of seriousness over himself.

"Late last night several prisoners escaped from Azkaban, your father Mr. Malfoy, was one of them."

Hermione looked over at Draco. He had gone as pale as she had ever seen him, and that was saying a lot. She could only imagine how he was feeling and really she didn't want to. She knew that he was afraid and angry and she hated knowing that he was feeling that way and she could do nothing to help. She moved closed to him, not knowing what else she could do.

"The Ministry is doing everything in their power to locate them." He paused for a minute before continuing. "We believe that your father might try to contact you. So, until further notice we have to restrict you to the grounds until he has been apprehended."

Hermione watched as Draco nodded and then remained silent. Dumbledore took that as his cue to leave and with a nod he made his way out of the Common Room. Hermione looked over at Draco, completely not knowing what to say. She hated knowing that nothing that she could say was going to make it better and she wanted so desperately to make it better.

"Draco-"

"I need to be alone." With that he got up and left her sitting on the couch by herself.

Hermione wanted to follow him, yet she figured that he needed time alone to sort through his thoughts. Hopefully he would find her when he was ready to talk. If he didn't, well, she'd just find him in a while. She didn't know how long she was willing to give him. An hour, a day or two, definitely not longer than a few days. Their vacation was going to be over soon and she wasn't sure she could go a whole day without talking to him let alone more than that. If she hadn't seen him by dinner tonight then she would seek him out and hopefully he wouldn't resent her for it.

Disappointed that the day had gotten off to such a wonderful start and then so quickly went down hill, Hermione decided that a hot shower might make her feel a little bit better so with a flick of her wand she cleaned up the feathers and then went upstairs. So Lucius Malfoy had escaped? That definitely complicated things, not just for Draco but for Harry as well. That meant Voldemort was regrouping his supporters, which was bad. Very bad.

She was going to have to tell Harry and Ron about it as soon as she finished getting cleaned up. Once she had showered and got redressed Hermione went down the stairs back to the Common Room. She heard a voice and hoped that it was Draco coming back to talk to her. It was strange but despite the small physical hints of affection, it was the talking that really got to her. He'd kissed loads of girls, that she knew, the whole school knew, but how many of them did he really talk to? As far as she could tell not any of them.

She liked that best of all.

Walking into the Common Room she didn't see Draco. Harry and Ginny, however, she did see. They were sitting on the couch together laughing and Hermione felt like a complete intruder. She debated upon going back up to her room to give them some time alone but she was sure that Ron was going to be coming down any minute so it was better that she interrupt them. Besides, the way that they were looking at one another even Ron wouldn't be able to ignore.

"Good morning," Hermione said walking fully into the room and then taking a seat in the chair a few feet away from the couch. She noticed that the two of them moved a part a little bit and she felt a strange bit of envy and sympathy all at once.

"Morning," Ginny said with a smile.

"Hi, Hermione," Harry said. Hermione noticed that he had gone a little bit red and she wondered what things Harry had been saying to Ginny before she had interrupted. Something sweet she was sure.

"I need to talk to you but we might as well wait for Ron to get down here. So, are you two ever going to tell him?"

"Tell him what?" asked Harry while Ginny looked sheepish.

"About the two of you. He's going to notice eventually. He's not blind you know," Hermione said logically, even though she had no intention of taking her own advice. While she was content to show her friendship with Draco, the more that she thought about it the more she realized that she'd rather be obliviated than tell everyone that she had a crush on him.

She was annoyed at herself for that realization but what Draco had said was right. They couldn't do whatever it was that they were doing. There were friends, and family, and housemates, and themselves getting in the way. It was like fighting against fate for them to even attempt to be something to each other that they clearly were not meant to be.

"We were actually talking about that last night. Neither of us knows the best way to break it to him. Any ideas?" asked Ginny while Harry just looked at her as if she had spilled the biggest secret in the world.

"I suppose just be honest with him. Sit him down and tell him that you both fancy each other and you want his blessing. He's your brother and your best friend, I don't think he'll put up much of an argument about it." That certainly wouldn't be the case if he found out about Draco. She could only imagine the hurt he would feel. Well, it was best that he never know.

"Maybe after the holidays," Harry suggested. "I don't want it to be awkward between us for the rest of the break."

"Good plan," Ginny said quickly as they heard Ron descending the stairs into the Common Room. With a sleepy grin he collapsed down in a chair and yawned.

"Who's ready for breakfast?" he asked.

A little while later they were all sitting in the Great Hall and Hermione had just finished telling them about the escape of the Death Eaters from Azkaban. The Daily Prophet had arrived and there had been no mention of the break out so they were debating upon who were the other Death Eaters that had escaped. It was probably safe to assume that all of the ones that had been in the Ministry of Magic the night Sirius had died had escaped. Which meant Malfoy, Bellatrix LeStrange, Nott, Macnair and countless others.

None of it was looking very good.

While she was concerned about Harry she silently admitted to herself that right now her primary concern was Draco. Harry was here, at Hogwarts, and safe. Hermione knew that Draco had a habit of internalizing his feelings, especially his fear and his anger, and she worried that he would revert back to old tactics to deal with how he was feeling. She really didn't want that to happen.

Once breakfast was over, and they had gone through countless ideas and strategies about how to deal with this new development, which really didn't get them anywhere, they went back to the Common Room. Hermione knew that all of them were feeling quite helpless about the whole situation and it had put a damper on the residual Christmas cheer they'd been feeling for the last few days. This vacation was certainly gone down hill quickly.

It seemed that Ron and Harry had finally decided to get their homework done. Hermione figured it was more to create a distraction for their minds than anything. Ginny also decided to try to get some homework done and Hermione decided to help her. Ginny's worst subject was arithmancy and since it was Hermione's best she figured she might as well help her and let Ron and Harry trudge through their History of Magic essays by themselves.

Once Ginny got into the swing of things Hermione grabbed the book she's bought on Hogsmeade about the potion-maker Obst Tiurfi. When she wasn't checking Ginny's work, she sat at the table, elbows resting upon it, and read. The morning passed quickly and before she knew it, lunch was upon them. They all glumly walked down to the Great Hall and began eating. It was quiet for a few minutes until Harry asked her a question about their History of Magic essay and after that they spent the rest of the meal in academic discussion.

Several hours later Hermione looked up at the clock sitting on the other end of the room. It was getting late. Dinner had been over an hour ago and still she had not seen _him_. She kept telling herself to be patient, to give him time and space, but as each moment passed it was getting harder and harder to stick to it. Finally, she couldn't take it a moment longer so she shut her book, stood up, and began walking towards the door.

"Where you going, Hermione?" asked Ron as he looked up from the pile of chocolate frog cards that was sitting in front of him.

"Malfoy borrowed something of mine and I need to get it back," she said simply as she left the Common Room. She decided that she might as well check the Slytherin dungeons first. She wanted to go to the library but something told her that she wouldn't find him there. After their last encounter there, and the way that he had snapped at her, she wasn't sure that she wanted to go back there anyway.

A teeny tiny part of her mind asked her if it was a good idea for her to visit him in his dorms. His empty dorms, with nearly the whole school empty and no one around. She wasn't sure if that concerned her because she was afraid of his anger... or if she was afraid of her physical attraction to him. Either way, she pushed the fear aside and continued down to the Dungeons. The password was still the same and she was relieved when the door opened, providing her with a way inside.

Hermione went the same way she'd gone the day before and finally she reached the door with a number seven on it. She knocked and received no answer. Hoping that he wouldn't be too angry if she just barged in, she turned the knob only to find that it was locked. She dug through her robes and finally pulled out her wand.

"_Alohomora_!"

She tried the door knob again. It didn't budge. He'd locked her out.

* * *

Draco heard the knock and sighed into his pillow. He had been waiting for her, both hoping that she would show up and wanting her not to. His day had not been an easy one. He had spent the majority of it in bed trying to fight off feelings of fear, hopelessness, and anger. So far he'd only managed to make it worse. Every time he thought about what Dumbledore had said, about his father escaping, he felt like he was going to have a heart attack.

The last few years Draco had taken it for granted that his father was locked up where he could have a minimal influence on his life. It hadn't pleased him that his father was a proven Death Eater and convict who was locked up in prison for an indefinite amount of time. Even the shame that came with that couldn't compare to the relief that he had felt on a daily basis knowing that he was out of his father's reach.

He should have known from the letter that his father had sent him at the end of last month that this was coming. Should have realized and done something to stop it. Like what? As if he had any control over whether or not his father escaped. He had escaped and that was all that mattered.

That simple fact had a lot of consequences for him.

It meant that as soon as he graduated Hogwarts he'd become a Death Eater. That was his father's plan so that's the way that it would happen. It also meant that both of his parents were on the run and he was unable to locate either of them. It was strange but he envied Potter. At least both of his parents had died protecting him. Draco's parents were gone for entirely different reasons and all of them were selfish.

He didn't know what he was going to do anymore. A day spent in bed hadn't solved anything. Things were still as complicated as they had been this morning. If anything he'd developed an odd sense of acceptance. Really that was all that he could do. Accept things the way they were and move on. There was no changing it, no making anything better. He was out of luck. This was his life whether he liked it or not.

The knocking stopped and Draco heard Hermione's voice from the other side of the door. Apparently she wasn't leaving until he opened the door. Would sit out there all night if she had to.

Didn't she realize that she was making it worse?

Draco didn't want to talk to her. He didn't want her to, once again, see him being needy. He didn't want comfort, he didn't want sympathy, he wanted to be alone. That's the way he had always done things. Just because they were friends she expected him to change who he was for her benefit. Well he couldn't.

If they continued being friends that would be what she wanted from him. Change. He wasn't sure that he had it in him. While he had never liked the person he was, it was the role that came easiest. Being alone was easier, being miserable was easier, kissing someone because there was nothing better to do and he was bored, was easier. Looking at her and hating her had been easier.

She was changing all of that.

The dorm room was dark and he could see a light shining from underneath his door. Presumably her wand. She still hadn't left. He rolled over so that he was facing the wall and could no longer see the proof of her presence. Regardless of the fact that he could feel it. Wanted to feel her. Against everything in his head that defined who he was, he wanted her near. Wanted her comfort. She was Hermione Granger and she could fix anything.

Except him.

Despite how much he wanted her to. To his frustration and anger he felt tears filling his eyes but he refused to let them fall. He was _not_ going to cry. There was no reason for that. It wouldn't solve anything, wouldn't make her go away, wouldn't make his mother come back, wouldn't make his father proud of him. It would solve absolutely nothing. Except maybe ease the ache in his chest.

Probably not.

Draco couldn't get _her_ off his mind. It had only been minutes since she had proclaimed that she was going to sit outside his door until he opened it yet, each minute was passing so slowly it felt like it had been hours. He wished it had been because then maybe she would give up and leave. He secretly didn't want her to give up. Part of him wondered if the reason that he was being stubborn and not opening the door had more to do with him wanting to prove to himself that she would leave.

He really didn't want her to leave.

With a sigh he sat up. As long as she was outside his door he wasn't going to get any sleep and he wasn't going to think of anything but her. Best to just get it over with, let her in, and then make her leave. If there was one thing he excelled at it was making people leave him. He walked over to the door, did the complicated series of spells that he'd seen his father use many times to open certain rooms in Malfoy Manor, and then with a click the door cracked open. Instead of inviting her in he turned around and went back to his bed. If she wanted to come in he'd made it easy for her.

Not seconds after he'd got to his bed his room filled with light as she followed him inside. As if sensing what he was about to ask she extinguished her wand before he even had time to complain. His eyes once again adjusted to the darkness as she came nearer to him. Deciding that she probably had intentions of sitting beside him he moved closer to the wall, leaving her room enough to sit next to him. She climbed into bed with him and sat there for a moment in silence.

"Do you have any intention of talking to me? Or better yet - listening, or will I just be wasting my breath?" she said in her brisk matter-of-fact voice. He didn't feel like giving her an answer. The less he talked the sooner she could say whatever it was that she had come down there to say and then she'd leave him in peace.

"I just wanted to make sure that you were alright. I haven't seen you all day you know."

Silence. He was perfectly aware of the fact that he hadn't seen her all day and if it wasn't for her then it would've stayed that way. The silence dragged on and he figured that if he didn't say anything then they were just going to sit there in oppressive, awkward, silence all night long.

"As you can see, I'm fine Granger."

"Actually, I can't see, but I'll take your word for it. Granger now am I? For a moment I thought that we'd gotten to a first name basis, Draco."

He hated the fact that she said his name even if he liked hearing it from her. The only person that routinely called him by his first name was Pansy and he tended to block out her voice entirely because it sometimes reminded him of nails on a chalk board. Yes, they'd been on a first name basis for all of a whole day. That was before reality had come crashing down on him and made it apparent that anything involving her was a bad idea.

Earlier, for a little while, Draco had convinced himself that his father breaking out of Azkaban was his punishment for befriending her. If there was anything in the world that his father had never wanted him to do it was befriend, or romance, a mudblood. That was right up there with muggles, and the moment that he had, all of this had happened. He wanted to believe that it was a coincidence, and it probably was, but he still couldn't stop the notion from running through his head.

Or the accompanying fear that went with it.

What if his father found out what he'd done? That he'd kissed her, liked her, slept on the same couch with her? Draco already knew that she was the Dark Lord's target just because she was friends with Harry Potter. He didn't need to make it worse by involving himself in her life. He wondered if he was actually being unselfish for once in his life.

Draco really wasn't sure. He wanted to believe that the reason that he was trying, yet again, to push her away had everything to do with her own safety. Really it had everything to do with his as well. He shuddered to think about what his father would do or say to him should he ever find out about his feelings for her. Honestly, he feared for them both. Did his feelings for Granger make him a blood-traitor? He didn't know, and he didn't want his father's opinion on the matter.

Draco could feel her disappointment in the lack of an answer and he wanted to give her one. He wanted to say something, anything, to her, but he didn't know what to say. Either he confided in her and fell deeper into whatever it was that he was feeling for her or he stayed silent and saved them both.

Saved himself.

"Do you want me to leave?" she asked and he could hear the silent plea in her voice for him to say no. He so desperately wanted to say no but he kept reminding himself that every moment that they spent together put them both in danger. It wasn't worth it. He wasn't worth it.

"Yes. I want you to leave." Draco silently watched as Hermione got off the bed and walked across the room towards the door. He heard it open and her wand flared to life. He could see her more clearly now.

"You know where to find me if you want to talk," she said simply, before walking into the hallway and closing the door behind her. He could see the light from her wand through the space between the floor and the door. For a few minutes he stared at the light, knowing that she was right outside of his door. Waiting.

After awhile the light faded as she walked away.

* * *

Read and review and be the lovely inspirations that you all are to me! This coming week I'll be going on vacation so I don't know if I'll have time to write, or post, this story, blame my mother, she's kidnapping me and making me visit her. If I don't update I guarantee that there will be **definitely** be an update on the 18th. Have a wonderful 4th of July weekend and don't forget to read (and review, pretty, pretty, please) my other stories if you find yourself being bored with nothing better to do!


	20. One Week Later

One week.

One long, tedious, horribly lonely, week.

Hermione inwardly sighed as she walked down the hallway with Ron and Harry. They'd just got out of Double Potions and it had been torture in more ways than one. The main one being Draco Malfoy. Just the thought of his name made her feel not so nice things inside.

She couldn't believe that a week had passed without them talking. Each day she had been sure that they'd find someway to make up with one another and talk again. The strange thing was there didn't seem like there was anything for either one of them to make up for. After the night in the Dungeons it felt as if he had removed her from his life.

It hurt more than she wanted to admit.

Hermione would be lying if she said there hadn't been several nights where she laid in bed in tears, wanting nothing more than to talk to him. That wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want her. Now classes were back in session and all hope of spending time alone with him seemed lost. She so desperately wanted those days tucked away in the library or in the Gryffindor Common Room back. She'd actually been happy then.

Hermione felt her face go red as she remembered the points Snape had deducted from her during class. He'd caught her "day dreaming" but really she'd been looking at Draco without realizing it. Part of her wanted him to know how much she missed him. He never looked at her back.

Snape had been in a rare mood today, and it most definitely had not been a good thing. From the beginning of class to the end, Gryffindor had been docked seventy points with Hufflepuff not far behind with fifty. Ravenclaw had only lost twenty and Slytherin had scraped by with only a minor loss of fifteen points, needless to say, nearly the whole class had consisted of "Another five points from..." To top it all off, as if the verbal abuse hadn't been enough, they had a ridiculously long essay to do that was to be turned in the next day. Hermione wasn't even sure she would be able to get it finished and still manage time to sleep. She didn't know how Harry and Ron were going to manage.

"That greasy, big-nosed, git," Ron was mumbling. "I'd like to show him. I'm not doing that essay, he can rot in bloody Hell for all I care. Someone ought to go talk to Dumbledore about him. Taking five points away from Ernie because he was turning the pages of his book too loudly, bullocks. I wonder what put him in such a nasty mood? The look on Parkinson's face when he took five points away from her for screeching her chair was a bit priceless though."

"You two can't afford not to turn in the essay," Hermione said with a sigh. She was also perplexed by the change in Snape's mood. Generally he was not pleasant to be around but rarely was he so malicious to all of them. Hermione made a mental note to find Neville and check on him later. Throughout the whole class Neville was the one that had cost them a good twenty points. All of it for quite ridiculous reasons.

"We can split the essay into three parts, each of us can do a part of it and then when we're done we can each copy the other parts. Snape'll know for sure but it's better than not turning in anything right?" Harry suggested.

Hermione had to agree that it wasn't a bad idea. She didn't relish the idea of possibly failing an assignment but Snape's demands had been quite outrageous. That, and she had an Ancient Runes test to study for and two pages of Arithmany homework. It was going to be a _very_ long day.

They finally made it down to the Great Hall for lunch and Hermione sat facing the Slytherin table, as she usually did, just to catch a glimpse of him. She was disappointed to find his usual spot empty. She breathed a heavy sigh. She wasn't opposed to sucking up her pride and being the one to talk to him first, the thing was, he hadn't given her any sign that he wanted to talk to her. All of this time and not one sign.

Not that one week was a particularly long time, but it was long enough. Hermione had to admit that she was a little bit bitter over the fact that he seemed to have so easily forgotten her. It hurt for more reasons than one. She'd thought that she was different, that she actually meant something to him, and here she was not even on speaking terms with him. Like one of the "others".

Draco Malfoy was quite infamous for his ability to break a girls heart. How many times had she sat there looking at some girl that was miserably moping over him and secretly shook her head. Who in the world would believe Draco Malfoy was worth their time? Well, she wasn't the first and she wouldn't be the last. Hermione wanted to believe that things with her had been different and in a way she supposed that they had been. Over the last few years she'd seen the way he operated when it came to the opposite sex. It hadn't been that way with her.

Usually he was suave and exuded a sort of dangerous power that she assumed girls were attracted to. He hadn't been that way with her, she'd actually seen parts of him. The real part of him. Now he had taken that from her and she sorely missed it. She wanted to be the one person that could say that she really knew him. Sooner or later she told herself that she was going to have to resign herself to the fact that no matter what she wanted to be really she was just a girl that he had kissed.

Nothing more.

Where was he? Her eyes scanned his table again and nothing. Hermione supposed it was for the best. Afterall she had to get over him sometime and maybe the less she saw him the better. Not that there was anything in particular to "get over" it still just stung a little bit to look at him. Mainly because she still liked looking at him.

"Hermione?"

Hermione turned to see Harry looking at her with a slightly worried look on his face. Second time today getting caught thinking about him, she thought sourly. "Yes?"

"Which part of the essay do you want?" asked Harry as he bit into his sandwich. Hermione looked down at her own plate and realized that she'd barely touched her food. From now on she was going to think of Draco Malfoy less and everything else more. It didn't matter that they'd shared a few weeks of friendship. Really they hadn't shared much of anything.

Which seemed to be the problem. There were always problems.

"I'll take the middle I suppose," she said, figuring that would be the hardest part. She really wasn't looking forward to her homework but at least it would be a distraction from thinking about other, less distracting topics.

Once lunch was over Hermione went to her next two classes and once they were over she made her way up to the Common Room, blissfully happy that they were over for the day. Ron caught up with her on the staircase to the seventh floor.

"Where's Harry?" Hermione asked, not seeing him anywhere. Ron and Harry were usually joined at the hip, even more so than she was to them.

"Dunno, said something about having to do something. He's been secretive lately, I don't know what's up with him," Ron said exasperatedly as they walked side by side. Ginny and Harry still hadn't told him about their relationship. Over the last few days Harry had been sneaking off more and more frequently, leaving Ron and Hermione alone together more often.

Hermione and Ron didn't see Harry again until dinner. Hermione noticed that Ginny came into the Hall just minutes after Harry but Ron seemed to be quite oblivious to it so Hermione didn't point it out. Again Draco was absent from his table and Hermione wondered where he was. She told herself not to worry but she hadn't seen him since Double Potions. They hadn't had the same classes after lunch but generally she'd catch a glimpse of him in the hallway between classes. She didn't like not seeing him.

Still, she knew it was for the best.

If it killed her she was going to get over him.

Once their stomachs were full Hermione and her friends went up to the Gryffindor Common Room ready for an exhausting evening of essays and homework.

* * *

Draco picked up his books and prepared to make his way out of the Potion's classroom. Snape had apparently lost it and had spent the whole class period taking points from everyone for anything. Draco couldn't remember the last time Slytherin had been deducted fifteen points from him. Whatever the reason he had no intention of sticking around longer than necessary. He was nearly out the door when he heard the Potion's Master call him back. He cursed himself for not being faster in leaving.

Draco took his time turning around and walking towards Snape's desk. He could just imagine what he'd done wrong. Dropped a book? Made his stool screech? Gazed across the room for just a moment too long? Those were all things that had caused him to deduct points earlier. He finally made it to Snape and Draco could see that his Head of House looked very, very, unhappy.

"We need to talk."

Draco was sure that those words did not bode well for him. It was rare that Snape had any sort of one on one meetings with his students. His present bad mood did not lead Draco to believe that this was going to be a pleasant conversation about his academics or his plans for the future.

Snape stood up and went to one of the doors to the left which lead to his private office. Draco definitely did not like where this was going.

"Have a seat Mr. Malfoy," Snape said as he sat down at an ornately furnished desk. Draco took a seat and tried not to let himself worry too much. He hadn't done anything in the past several weeks that could get him punished but he was still rather nervous about what this was all about.

"Last night Dumbledore received some news and I thought it best that I told you personally."

Draco felt his heart start beating in his chest. It was about his father then. He'd thought as much. He didn't want to hear it, whatever it was Draco wanted nothing more than to pretend it didn't exist. Pretend that his father didn't exist, or at least that he was still locked up in Azkaban. Acknowledging the fact that he was free was something that Draco firmly refused to do. It was made easier by the fact that his father had yet to try to contact him, something that Draco was grateful for.

"Late last night a body was found in Diagon Alley, just outside of Gringotts bank. It was your mother. She's dead."

Just like that.

He hadn't been expecting that.

Draco looked at Snape not knowing what to say. His mother was dead? How was he supposed to feel about that? He supposed sad. He was really disappointed. Disappointed that it hadn't been his father. Snape was looking at him, as if waiting for some sort of reaction but Draco didn't feel capable of giving him one.

"Are you going to be alright?" the Professor asked with an odd sort of gentleness to his voice that Draco wasn't sure he had ever heard.

"I'll be fine," Draco said simply. He always was. After a few more moments Snape dismissed him, saying that he would understand if he needed to skip class for the next few days. Draco really didn't see the point in that. She was dead, whether or not he went to class wasn't going to change that. It was however, a free pass, so he decided to take it, at least for the remainder of the day. Draco debated upon going to the Great Hall to get something to eat but he wasn't sure that his stomach was capable of digesting anything at the moment so he decided that he might as well put his free afternoon to good use so he made his way to the Quidditch pitch, happy to find it empty of first years learning to fly. He got his broom and then launched himself up into the sky.

Dead.

Narcissa Malfoy was dead. Draco was still waiting for something other than apathy to kick in. He realized that really she wasn't worth feeling anything else. She had never been there for him when it counted. He was nothing but a tool to make her look good. He couldn't say that he had any fond memories that he associated with her. In fact, strangely enough, the first memory that came to mind was when he was little, probably no older than five or six and he had fallen down the stairs and hit his head on the corner of one of the marble steps. He'd began screaming and his parents had run to him. His father had shaken him and told him that Malfoy's didn't act like babies while his mother had stood a few feet away not looking at him, not saying a word, not doing anything.

His head had healed an hour later, as wounds inflicted on magical children usually did, but his mother had never examined his head, hadn't wiped the blood away, hadn't done anything. That was how he remembered his mother, as not doing much of anything. As far as he was concerned it was like a random stranger was dead.

A random stranger that had been part of him.

Draco wanted to avoid going to the Slytherin Common Room for as long as possible so when he was done flying he sat by the lake for awhile and then he realized that it was getting late and he ought to go inside. He felt so conflicted. The more and more he thought about it the harder it was not to feel anything. He wanted to talk to Hermione.

Draco hated that his first instinct was to seek her out, it just seemed natural that no matter what he was feeling he knew that he could talk to her and that she would understand. Well, he had ruined that. It hadn't been easy but he had done it, and strangely enough, he was proud of himself for it. Every time that he saw her and didn't say anything was a small victory to him. He wasn't sure why. Maybe because it was proof that he didn't need anyone and that he wasn't weak.

Well, he felt weak right now. He really needed to see her. She was rational and logical and she would take all of his feelings and put them in their proper places so that he didn't feel so confused. He finally made up his mind to seek her out and found his feet leading him to the Gryffindor Common Room.

It felt like hippogriff were rampaging through his stomach. He knew that she would probably be upset with him and he couldn't blame her, still, he felt like she was the only person that he could talk to. The fear of rejection almost made him freeze but he told himself that she would understand and that she would talk to him. He sincerely hoped that he wouldn't get the door slammed in his face.

Draco reached the portrait and was about to say the password before he realized that it had probably been changed since he'd last been there and even if it hadn't the prospect of walking into the Common Room full of Gryffindors didn't really appeal to him very much. Instead he knocked and after a few moments he was rewarded with grumbling from the other side.

"Longbottom I swear if you've forgotten the password again I'll-" The portrait swung open to reveal a fifth year that Draco didn't know.

"I need to speak with Prefect Granger," Draco said in his ask-no-questions voice. He figured that Prefect business would at least make it seem less odd that he was seeking her out. The fifth year closed the door and then after a few minutes Hermione appeared.

Draco felt silly for thinking it but she looked beautiful. Her hair was in a wild, curly, mass that she had attempted to tie back, there was a quill stuck behind one ear and she had ink smeared on her cheek. Again, for the millionth time in the past week he wondered if it was worth it to push her away. He knew the answer. He regretted losing so much time with her. He wanted everything back. Her friendship, their talks, all of it, he hadn't realized how much he had missed it until now.

He had to deny himself the thought of stepping forward, cupping her face in his hands, and wiping the ink away. He missed her. He really missed her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked curiously and Draco could sense that she wasn't very happy to see him. He couldn't really blame her.

"I was wondering if we could go somewhere and talk?" Draco watched as she bit her lip and he could sense what was coming before she even said anything, he felt his insides plummet.

"I have so much homework to do. I'm sorry but I can't. Maybe-"

"Hermione who are you talking... oh," said Ron as he stepped out of the portrait hole. It took everything that Draco had not to glare at him but he kept his attention focused on her.

"We were just talking about Prefect business," she said to Ron and then turned back to Draco. "I'm really sorry. We can talk later." Hermione turned around and went back inside with Weasley leaving Draco standing alone in the empty hallway. Well, that hadn't gone as he had hoped.

Didn't need her anyway...

Draco made his way up to the Astronomy Tower. The library would be closing soon and he had no intention of being locked in there by himself all night and he still wasn't ready to go back to the Dungeons. He couldn't blame her, like she had said, she had homework to do, not to mention he had pretty much ignored her for the last week. They both had their own lives to get back to, it had been stupid of him to try to talk to her anyway.

He finally reached the Astronomy Tower only to find two fourth years up there holding hands. He sent them back to their Common Rooms and then he sat down and let the cool wind rush over his face. There were so many emotions that he was feeling and had no idea what to do about. He debated upon writing in his journal but decided that would involve going down to his dorm and he wasn't ready to leave just yet.

He was trying not to allow what had happened with Hermione upset him. It had been his choice not to talk to her. He had pushed her away, he had no right to ask anything of her. It wasn't his place and he wasn't going to pretend that it was.

She and Weasley _had_ looked awfully close though. What right did Weasely have to interrupt their private conversations? He pushed his anger away telling himself that it wasn't helping anything. The point was Hermione wasn't there for him, as he had no right to expect her to be. The last time they had talked she had said that he knew where to find her if he wanted to.

Well he had and she hadn't cared. That was how humanity worked. They lied. He was used to that.

With a sigh Draco looked up into the cloudy night sky wishing that he could take it back, that they could go back to pillowfights and talks in the Library. He wanted to remember what it felt like to be happy again.

He didn't think he was going to be feeling anything good for quite awhile.

* * *

We've finally reached 300 reviews, you all have no idea how happy I was when I got to see that. I am now back from my little vacation. Thanks to all of you who wished me a good one. It was fun, I got to see my nieces, a 4yr old and a 10-month old. That was exhausting to say the least, no more duck-duck-goose or hide-and-seek for me for a long time. Anyway, thanks for reading! Reviews make my world go 'round so pretty, pretty, please give me one. I must extend a BIG thank you to all of you who have given me such helpful, wonderful, inspiring ones!


	21. I want you

Hermione stood up and winced as the stiff muscles in her legs protested. She had been sitting in the same position, book on lap and quill in hand, for hours now and her body was hating her for it. Again she cursed Snape for giving them the essay and causing her hand to cramp as well. Their essay had finally been finished. Each of them had done a part and then combined it into one ridiculously long essay. With that done they'd all had to copy each other's parts. Hermione could finally say that she was finished.

Hermione looked over at Ron who had fallen asleep and was drooling on the table. She debated upon waking him up so that he wouldn't have a sore neck but she wasn't sure that her legs would allow her to walk over to him just yet. Harry was laying on one of the sofas, half asleep, trying to cram for a History of Magic quiz that they were having in the morning. Hermione stretched just as the clock chimed eleven. She was glad that it wasn't as late as she'd originally thought.

She was already late for her Head Girl patrol duties so she decided she ought to get busy. Feeling slightly better after having stretched she made her way out of the Common Room. She usually enjoyed her patrol duties because it gave her a break from homework and a chance to exercise her stiff muscles but right now she just wanted to finish her homework and go to sleep.

Hermione sighed as she walked down the hall. She still wasn't finished with all of her assignments. She had a paper on Ancient Runes to finish and that was it but she really wanted to finish patrolling and then climb into her bed and sleep until morning. Damn Snape. Hopefully tomorrow would be better and he wouldn't spend the whole class period constantly berating them and then punishing them with inhumane amounts of homework.

After a few minutes of walking, and finding the Halls deserted, she ran into Ernie McMillan, a Hufflepuff Prefect. They stood there talking for a few minutes about Prefect things and then they went their separate ways. Her next encounter was with a fifth year Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff who were on their way up to the Astronomy Tower. She sent them back to their Common Rooms and then decided that she ought to go up there and see if there were any other students intent on a rendezvous.

Hermione climbed the many stairs up to the top and opened the door, feeling a rush of cold air hit her as she walked outside. Standing a few feet away was a figure with their back turned to her. It never seemed to fail, someone was always up there.

"It's past curfew, I'm going to have to ask you to go back to your Common Room," Hermione said, using her most authoritative voice. The person turned around and Hermione saw that it was Draco. Her heart began beating furiously when she saw him. He had been the last person that she had expected to run into. He usually had better things to do than patrol. His cheeks were red and she assumed that he had been up there for awhile.

In the midst of her studying she had nearly forgotten about earlier when he had come to see her. She was now intensely curious as to why he had sought her out in that way. She felt very guilty for turning him down and for the fact that Ron had interrupted them before she had a chance to explain herself. Did she want to talk to him? Yes and no. If she hadn't had so much homework she would have relented, it hadn't been about him, well, not really.

"You wanted to talk to me?" she asked. She stepped forward, wanting to be just a little closer to him. She had spent all day trying to convince herself that she didn't need him in her life and then the moment he wanted to talk to her all of that fell away. She wanted to know what was wrong with him. Maybe it was something to do with his father, whatever it was she just wanted to be there for him.

"It was nothing. Just homework," he said staring off into the distance. Hermione knew that he was lying, she could hear it in his voice. She tried not to get annoyed over the fact that he was hiding things from her.

"Talk to me," she said, laying her hand on his arm. He shrugged her off and then moved away from her.

"Not much to talk about," he said, and before she could stop him, he was out the door and making his way down the Astronomy Tower stairs. Hermione sighed and then decided that she should probably get back to the Common Room and finish the rest of her homework. She wanted to go after him but she didn't think that following him back to his Common Room was really going to get her anywhere.

The next morning, Hermione woke up in bed and groaned. She didn't want to leave the warm comfort of her blankets and her pillows and get ready for class. She'd finally climbed into bed around midnight and it seemed to her as if the hours spent sleeping had gone entirely too fast. After a few minutes of laying there she finally convinced herself that if she laid in bed a moment longer then she was going to fall back asleep and risk being late. She climbed out of bed, quickly showered, and then got dressed and made her way down to the Great Hall for breakfast.

Hermione was hoping that it would be quiet so that she might be able to catch a five minute cat nap. Her wishes were not granted. It seemed like all of the students were talking in hushed whispers about something. Hermione was only glad that they weren't looking her way. She hated being the center of attention. As she walked towards her spot by Harry and Ron she caught little bits of conversation.

"- was an emerald in her mouth."

"Heard they gouged out her eyes and replaced 'em with diamonds."

"- found in Diagon Alley."

"Right outside Gringotts!"

"Wonder where the money went?"

"- he did it, that's for sure."

Hermione sat down and was just about to ask what everyone was talking about when Colin Creevey decided to fill them all in.

"You won't believe what happened. The other day a body was found in Diagon Alley, it's all over the papers. They say it was Narcissa Malfoy and she choked on a diamond."

Hermione felt as if a ton of bricks had landed in her stomach and for a moment she was sure that she hadn't heard him correctly. She was immediately swamped with guilt. Draco's mother had died and he had come to talk to her about it and she had pushed him away like it was nothing. She felt sick to her stomach and like she was going to cry.

Hermione's eyes went to the Slytherin table and she didn't see him. She needed to talk to him and she needed to know if he was okay. Hermione quickly excused herself from the table and then made her way out of the hall and towards the Slytherin Dungeon. She was walking quickly and glad that the halls were empty and she didn't have to push past people. She finally got to the entrance to the Slytherin Dungeons and said the password. The door effortlessly slid open.

Hermione hesitated a moment before deciding to go inside. Hopefully everyone was already in the Great Hall and she wouldn't run into anyone that would curse her for being in their private domain. The Common Room was empty so Hermione went towards the Hall that held the Boy's Dormitories. She was just about to the Seventh Year Dorm when the door opened and out came Pansy Parkinson. The moment she saw Hermione she glared.

"_What_ do you think you are doing here, Mudblood?" she snarled.

"I'm looking for Draco, it's important." While Hermione was very uneasy over the fact that she was alone with the female Slytherin her need to find Draco overruled her dislike of Parkinson.

"_Draco_? Since when are you allowed to call him _Draco_? That's a name reserved for people who actually like him. Or is that the point, you like him?" Pansy asked as she crossed her arms across her chest and simultaneously blocking Hermione's way into the room.

"Do you know where he is?" Hermione persisted. She had a feeling that she wasn't going to get any real answers from her but it didn't hurt to try.

"So Draco's been trying to get up your skirt? How _cute_! And you're actually buying into it. Too bad you didn't show up about twenty minutes ago. His bed was occupied. I wonder by who? Oh yeah... me," the Slytherin said with a sneer.

"Move out of my way, Parkinson," Hermione growled. She knew that Pansy was just trying to get under her skin and she was determined not to let her. It didn't matter what Draco and Pansy had been doing, at that moment she couldn't let herself care.

"He's not in there, maybe he knew you were coming," Pansy said as she moved out of the way and walked down the hall and out of sight. Hermione took that opportunity to peek her head into Draco's room and just like Pansy had said, it was empty.

Hermione sighed and decided that she'd better get to class before she ended up being late.

* * *

Draco walked through the halls of Hogwarts wanting nothing more than to bury his head in the sand. He debated upon taking Snape's advice and skipping classes for the day but that seemed weak to him. He had attempted to go to breakfast this morning and chaos had erupted. Everyone had been talking about him. In whispers that were loud enough for him to hear.

Some students had accused him of killing his mother himself. Other students had remarked about him not looking upset. Everyone was talking about him and while he generally enjoyed being the center of attention this was one time when he wished he could give it all up. He'd give it all up if they'd just stop reminding him that his mother was dead.

Draco had decided to end breakfast early and spent the rest of the time wandering the halls until class started. He couldn't believe that people actually thought that he had snuck out of Hogwarts to murder his own mother. That was the way everyone saw him, as a murderer, a liar, a cheater. He hated everyone's perception of him but he didn't know what else he could be. His role came so easily to him, he was the Slytherin Prince, he was cold, and ruthless, and calculating. He was the embodiment of everything Slytherin stood for, but not anymore.

Hermione had changed him. Or maybe he had changed himself. He didn't know anymore.

Draco was waiting outside of the Charms classroom, his arms crossed, and his back against the wall, hoping that Professor Flitwick would show up soon, when he heard someone coming down the hall. He looked up to see Pansy storming down the hall, and she didn't look at all happy.

"What are you doing with the Mudblood?" Pansy asked furiously. Draco didn't have any idea what she was talking about. He'd barely talked to Hermione since school started back up.

"Nothing."

"Nothing? Nothing at all Draco? If you are seeing her behind my back I will destroy you. You can have anyone else but her."

"I don't believe that I need your permission to have anyone," Draco said sourly. He definitely wasn't in the mood to deal with Pansy and her insecurities. It wasn't like she could do much harm to him. Ruin his reputation? That was a joke.

"Would you like your father to find out? I can make that happen and don't think I won't." Pansy turned around and walked away as Draco stared after her. He knew that she wouldn't dare do anything to harm him. Even if she did he had a story ready for his father. He was talking to Hermione in an attempt to find out information. It would be as simple as that. He wasn't afraid of Pansy or her threats. He did wonder what had given her the idea that there was anything to be worried about as far as Hermione was concerned. There really wasn't.

A few hours later Draco sat in his Potions class trying his hardest not to look at Hermione. He could feel her eyes looking at him but he refused to pay her any attention. His feelings were still hurt over last night, even though he kept telling himself that he deserved it. He had rebuffed her first. She hadn't known that his mother had died. Still, the fact that she had gone back inside with Weasley had caused him more hurt than anything.

The bottom line was she was always going to pick her "friends" over him. There wasn't room for Draco Malfoy in her life. He wasn't ready to make room for her either.

They were half way through class and Draco had listened to Snape give detention to half the class for not completing the essay assignment that he had given them the day before. Draco wondered what the whole story was between his mother and Snape. The Potions professor seemed affected by her death but Draco didn't know why. He wasn't sure he had the courage to ask either, at least not while Snape was in such a horrible mood.

Seemingly fed up with the whole class, Snape told them to take notes from their books and then walked into his office, slamming the door behind him. The minute the door shut everyone began talking, thankfully they had the decency not to talk about him. Draco pulled out a sheet of parchment, opened his book to the latest chapter, and began taking notes as he had nothing better to do.

He had written a few lines when words appeared in the middle of his parchment in handwriting not his own.

'I'm sorry.'

Draco wondered who was playing a trick on him. Whoever it was it wasn't funny. It reminded him way too much of what he had heard of Tom Riddle's diary. The words disappeared and formed new ones.

'You can write back...'

Draco stared stupidly at the parchment.

'Who is this?' he wrote back. His words disappeared.

'Hermione.'

Draco turned around and looked at her. She pointed to the piece of paper in front of her so he looked back at his.

'I found this spell in a book in the Restricted Section. Much easier than passing notes. I wanted to apologize for yesterday.'

Draco was half tempted to crumble up the piece of parchment and throw it at her but he decided not to let his anger get the best of him. She _was_ apologizing after all.

'I survived,' he wrote.

'Can we please talk after class?'

Draco considered it. He didn't want to start depending on her again. It had been hard to let go of her and he didn't want to have to go through all of that again. He knew that if he let her in again he would only have to push her away. There was no way that things could ever be the way that he wanted them to be. No matter how hard he tried, or how badly he wanted to work at it, they were doomed.

He also wasn't sure that he wanted to talk to her about his mother. She wasn't a topic that he had ever shared with anyone and he was afraid that if he actually talked about her death he might begin to care and he didn't want to care. It was much nicer to feel the persistent numbness that had enveloped him since he'd heard the news.

Taking a deep breath he answered with a 'Where?'. She wrote him to meet her after dinner in the Library and Draco told her that he would. He couldn't help but agree to her. As much as he didn't want to get involved again he knew that it was too hard to stop himself. Ignoring her worked but he couldn't do that forever. Sometimes he just had to give in.

And give in he did because several hours later he was walking into the Library. He went to the familiar spot where they seemed to have so many important conversations. Curfew was in about an hour and the Library was considerably empty. Draco was secretly glad that there was no one there to see him. Hermione was already there, sitting on the floor, a book in one hand, her lighted wand in the other. When she saw him she shut the book and stuck it back on the shelf.

"Muggle romance novels. Who would've thought there'd be some here in the Library?"

Draco shrugged and sat down beside her. It felt good to be near her again, to be alone with her. Again he yearned for those nights and mornings spent in the Gryffindor Tower with her. He never realized that he would miss staying there so much.

"I am really sorry about yesterday. I can be a bit thick at times," she said apologetically.

"Don't worry about it," he said shrugging again. All of a sudden he felt nervous around her. He didn't know what to say. Whether or not to push her away. He wanted things to be normal between them but he didn't know what kind of normal he wanted. The 'I-hate-you' normal or the 'I-want-to-kiss-you' normal.

"I do worry about it. I want to be here for you and you keep pushing me away. I don't know whether or not to let you do that. I want to be there for you. I want to be someone you can talk to."

"I don't need you to be someone that I can talk to. I don't need to talk to anyone. I can deal with things by myself. I'm used to it." He hated lying to her.

"Look where that's gotten you! You need someone you can talk to," Hermione persisted.

"And why do you have to be that person?" he asked angrily. He didn't like the fact that she was implying that he couldn't take care of himself. He could, he always had, he didn't know any other way to go about things. Here she was trying to get him to be someone he wasn't, give her something that he wasn't sure he could ever give anyone.

"Because I have feelings for you and no matter how hard I try they won't go away. Every time we start to get anywhere you put up walls and push me away and then we have to start all over again." Draco had to admit that she was right. It was just so hard for him not to push her away. He'd spent almost eighteen years alone in his head with his father. That constant voice telling him that he wasn't good enough and that he was nothing but a failure. Hermione's voice clashed with his father's.

"If it's so much work then stop trying. Leave," he said before he could even censor his words. He was always saying or doing something to hurt her. He didn't know why she still stayed around. Because he didn't really mean it? Did that even matter?

"See! You're making this tons more difficult then it has to be," she said quietly.

"What do you want from me?" he asked not knowing what else to say.

"I want... well, I suppose I want you."

* * *

You people make me so happy with your reviews. Thank you for the supportive ones and for continuing to read this story. I am so proud to have so many wonderful readers. You all are awesome.


	22. ”You have nice ears”

Draco couldn't believe that Hermione had said those words. _She wanted him._ He felt a wave of warmth rush over him at those words. He allowed himself to believe her and for the first time in a long time he felt really wanted. She had no ulterior motives, if anything, she had every reason in the world to dislike and distrust him, yet here she was, telling him that he was actually _wanted_. It wasn't because she wanted his money. It wasn't because she was afraid of him, or wanted something from him, it was because she really cared.

How in the world could he let go of that and still live with himself? He had spent his entire life wanting nothing more than to be wanted and accepted and here she was, doing just that. She had realized that he was pushing her away yet she wasn't letting him. She was everything that he had ever wanted.

Everything that his father didn't want him to have. She stood for so many good, wonderful, things and he didn't deserve her. But Merlin, he wanted her. He wanted to believe that by some gigantic cosmic mistake he would be able to keep her. This last week had been so lonely without her and he wasn't sure he could go another. He didn't want to go another week without talking to her.

Not knowing what to say, he reached down and took her hand, entwining his fingers with hers. Through the pale light of her wand, he could see the tentative smile playing on her beautiful lips. He loved the way the light played on her hair and was reflected in her eyes. In that moment everything became startlingly clear and he wasn't afraid of her anymore. He just wanted her to know that regardless of his inability to show it or say it, he did care about her.

More than she could probably ever know.

They sat there for a few moments and then Hermione let out a big sigh.

"What was that for?" he asked, trying to stop himself from kissing her. Since Christmas evening, when she had gone into his dorm looking for him and they had ended up kissing, he hadn't been able to stop himself from wanting to do it again every time he saw her. This last week, every time he laid in his bed, he thought about her and how much he missed her.

"You confuse and perplex me more than anything," she said with a smile as she laid her head back against the bookcase. Draco's eyes followed their way down the expanse of her pale neck.

"I confuse myself just as much," he said with a wry grin. Even at the moment he was confused. He wasn't sure what he had decided, what they had decided. Were they going to try and see how things worked out or was this really just their way of parting once again?

Draco had once told her that nothing could be between them and that it would never work out and she had agreed with him. Did she still feel that same way? Did he? He wasn't sure. Part of him knew that the chances of them being able to have a relationship, a real relationship, with one another wasn't exactly realistic. He, at the same time, couldn't imagine not trying.

"So what are we going to do?" she asked. Draco felt her thumb affectionately move over his hand. How could he let her go again? He couldn't. Not this time. He was going to find someway to make this work. If he failed at least he wouldn't have so many regrets. As far as he was concerned being without her was more of a regret than trying to make things work and failing.

"I'll try if you try." It took a lot for him to say those words, as flimsy a commitment as it was, it was still a commitment and that was something that he had never been good at doing.

"Are you serious?" she asked and Draco could sense the disbelief in her voice. He couldn't blame her. They'd spent the last month going back and forth with one another and he'd never managed to do anything but run away.

"I'm serious," he said, learning toward her and touching his lips with hers. He resisted the urge to deepen it and kept it short and sweet. Draco was loathe to leave the comfort of the library and her company but it was getting late and not only would the library be closing soon, but they also had Prefect duties. At least she did, he usually skipped his.

"Why don't we stay the night in the Library? Just like we did that night?" she asked from out of nowhere. Draco looked over at her. He had to admit that the prospect wasn't an entirely unpleasant one. Part of him wanted time to go to his room and think about the recent events but at the same time he wanted to enjoy her company for just a little while longer. The thought of sleeping next to her again made him smile.

"That sounds like a good idea," he relented. There was more than just one reason that he wanted to stay with her. Not only did he just enjoy her company, but it had been so long since he'd gotten to spend such a significant amount of time with her. It was nice to actually be near her and not staring at her from across the room. Being near her was good for him.

"I'm sorry for pushing you away the way I did," he said sheepishly. He had never been any good at apologizing but he wanted her to know that it had been a bad decision on his part and it hadn't been her fault. He had convinced himself that he was doing her a favor by staying away from her but in the long run it hadn't helped either of them.

"I tried to understand. It's not that big of a deal." Draco could tell that it _had_ been a big deal but he didn't know what else he could say to make it better so he didn't say anything. Instead he tried to lighten the mood by asking how the rest of her vacation, and the few days of classes, had been. Hermione first told him about Crookshanks. Apparently the cat had spent the last several days laying on the sofa in the common room looking rather glum. Hermione had the idea that perhaps it was because he missed Draco. He had to admit that despite his dislike of felines he actually kind of missed the cat as well.

Hermione then went on to tell him about how Potter and the Weasely girl had apparently fallen in love with each other and where putting Hermione in the middle of it by making her cover for them. She had tried to convince them to just tell Ron but neither of them wanted to. Draco could more than understand their hesitation. He felt the same way about Hermione. Just the thought of what Pansy might do If she found out about them was not a pleasant one to him. While she was primarily harmless she did have a bit of a nasty streak and he didn't want her to bother Hermione.

"What's been going on with you since we last talked?" she asked innocently. He knew what she was really asking about. She wanted to know how he was dealing with his father out of Azkaban and how he felt about his mother's death. He wasn't sure that he was ready to talk about, he didn't even relish the thought of thinking about it. Here he was, with his best friend. He wanted to have good thoughts.

Best friend? It was odd to think of her in that way yet it was true. He had never been closer to someone in his life. Never trusted anyone the way he was beginning to trust her. He tried to force the words out of his mouth but he wasn't ready. He didn't want to talk about the anger or the fear, at least not yet, not at that moment. He wanted to pretend that his parents didn't exist.

"I'm doing alright. I am with you aren't I?"

* * *

Hermione allowed herself to smile at the comment. She liked hearing such things from him. It was nice to hear that he thought good things about her. That he just didn't want her to disappear. She still wasn't sure exactly what they were at the moment. She supposed friends would suffice for now and that was enough. At least it was better than nothing. He didn't exactly seem opposed to being more but she wasn't going to push the issue, at least not right now. Mainly because she wasn't sure that was even what _she_ wanted.

They'd been close for a little under a month and look what had happened. While she had definitely enjoyed bonding with him and developing new layers to their relationship, the fact remained that when you put them together for a long period of time they always seemed to self destruct. She didn't like that. If there was one thing she had to have it was security and a relationship with Draco wouldn't give her that.

Hermione would always be afraid that he was going to push her away, especially when it really mattered. She wasn't sure that Draco could get over the instincts that he had grown up with and if he couldn't then any sort of relationship would be doomed from the start. Right now she wanted him to tell her how he was coping with the death of his mother and like usual he wasn't sharing with her how he felt. She tried not to let it bother her.

Hermione heard the clock chime at the other end of the Library. It would be closing now, Madame Pince was probably, at that moment, closing the doors and locking them behind her. She didn't know what made her suggest that they stay there for the night, it just seemed like a good idea. The night they had spent together more than a month ago had forever changed things between them. She didn't know if perhaps she was waiting for things to change again.

She looked over at Draco and felt so much affection for him that she was taken aback. So _this_ was what Lavender and Parvati were always going on about. Hermione had always secretly envied them as they giggled about boys. She didn't like other people understanding things that she couldn't, especially things that couldn't be learned from books. Now she knew and she almost wished she didn't. Everything seemed so complicated.

Hermione just really wanted one aspect of her life to be simple. Draco definitely wasn't going to be that aspect, but she could deal with that. She turned her attention back to him and filled the silence with talk of class. She missed the discussions about homework they use to have up in the Common Room. That was only one of many things that she missed.

They began talking about Snape and Hermione wondered aloud why he had been in such a horrible mood the last few days. The oddest part of all was he hadn't even bothered to assign them homework for the weekend which rarely ever happened.

"I think it might have had something to do with the death of my mother. Snape was the one that told me about it."

Hermione decided that she ought to tread carefully through this conversation. She was not going to be the one that ruined things between them by putting her foot in her mouth.

"Why would that have anything to do with it?"

"Don't know. I guess they probably went to school together. They might've been friends or something. He just seemed different when he told me. It was odd."

"Do you miss her at all?" Hermione couldn't help but ask in spite of the little voice in her head telling her to just leave it alone.

"Granger-"

"Hermione," she corrected him. She wasn't very fond of him calling her Granger anymore. Her name sounded so much better coming from his mouth.

"Hermione," he repeated, and she was relieved to see that there was a little smile lingering on the corner of his lips. At least he didn't seem very angry with her for bringing it up. "I really don't want to talk about it."

"Alright then," she said looking down at their still entwined hands. At least he knew that when he was ready to talk she would be there to listen.

"Although, the answer is no. I don't miss her. In fact, I don't think I even realize that she's not alive anymore. I'm away at school for most of the year and I don't see her and then we I do come home I barely see her. I don't know what exactly it is I'm supposed to miss about her."

Hermione squeezed his hand. She couldn't imagine what it would feel like not to miss your own mother or have no reason to. While she didn't see hers on a regular basis she still knew that if she died she'd miss her. It was again a reflection of how different she and Draco were.

"The worst part is that I know who did it. Everyone knows who did it, and the fact that my father could do this to my mother... it doesn't make me feel very safe. I always knew that my father was ruthless, I guess I just never saw it until now. I keep thinking that at some point he's going to send me a letter or he's going to try to see me and I don't know what I'll do then. I could end up like my mother."

Hermione also couldn't even comprehend how it would feel to fear that your own father would kill you, although she had no doubt that under the right circumstances Lucius Malfoy would do just that. She was not going to let that happen to him. He had come so far in these past few years and she was not going to let his father drag him down and destroy him.

"It will be okay. You're safe here. There's Dumbledore and me, even Harry and Ron. Nothing's going to happen to you here."

"Five more months I'll graduate and then I have to go home. It doesn't matter, five months is a long time away." Draco let go of her hand and then wrapped his arm around her in a gesture that nearly left her speechless. She enjoyed being so close to him and pressed against his body. She was glad that he had shared with her yet at the same time she didn't think that it had solved anything or made him feel at all better. If she had to, after they graduated, she'd kidnap him and take him to her home. She could just imagine what her parents would think.

"What are you thinking about?" asked Draco, having seen her smile.

"I was just thinking about my parents. They think you're my boyfriend. I sort of lied to them over break," Hermione said, remembering how her parents had tried to set her up on a date so she had concocted a story about Draco being her boyfriend.

"Well am I?" he asked. Hermione couldn't tell if he was seriously asking or just teasing her.

"Are you?" she threw the question back at him wondering what his answer would be.

"I asked you first," Draco protested.

"Well I'm asking you now."

"Maybe?"

"Was that a question or an answer?" Hermione asked in exasperation.

"What do you think?"

"I don't know that's why I'm asking you!" she said with a grin.

"Yes."

Hermione playfully poked him in the side wanting to kiss him but resisting the urge for now. "Is the yes to the first question or the second?"

"There were two questions?" he asked with a laugh.

"You are impossible!" Hermione said grinning. It was times like these when she was glad that she had decided to talk to him in the first place.

"Which is why you like me."

"One of the very few reasons. It's a short list," she replied impishly.

"Care to recite it?"

"You have nice ears."

"Right. Ears. What else?"

"I said it was a short list," Hermione said trying her best to hold in her laughter. Before she had time to protest, not that she would have, Draco's lips were against hers and she could feel his smile. It felt good to know that she made him happy. She just wanted it to last.

* * *

Yay for another chapter! Review and make me happy or else... or else... something really BAD will happen. :P


	23. Uh oh

Draco looked over at Hermione and let out a happy sigh. They had spent the majority of the night talking and she had fallen asleep mid-sentence a little while ago. She was now sound asleep, her robe stuffed under her head to form a sort of pillow. They had laid down together awhile ago, Draco propping himself up on his elbows so that he could look at her while he listened to her talk. He liked hearing her, he liked listening to her. Liked everything about her really. There was no denying that anymore. He still couldn't believe that they were there together, feeling for each other the way that they did.

Their relationship had started off so badly that he was surprised either one of them had been able to get over the animosity that they'd caused each other when they were younger. It was all so very strange to him. He'd never seen himself as someone that could so easily get over a grudge. There was just something about her, had always been something about her, that he couldn't define but it intimidated him never the less.

Draco didn't like being intimidated, but at the same time, he was at the point in his life where he was willing to get over it for her. There was just something about her confidence, and her intelligence, and the fact that there was such a clear cut sense of right and wrong. He admired, and envied, her for all of that. He rolled over to his back with his hands resting behind his head as he looked up into the darkness. He was going to come to a crossroads soon, he could feel it, and he wanted to chose the right path. He still wasn't sure what it was. He wanted to tell himself that the right path was the one that would lead to her. However there was still near insurmountable fear on his part.

Hermione would leave. Everyone left eventually and it was only a matter of time before she did as well. He was optimistic in thinking that it might be awhile, but he was also realistic enough to know that it would happen eventually. Nothing lasted forever. So that left him conflicted. Choose the path that lead to her and enjoy it for however long he could, or chose the path that lead to self preservation? Tough choice. If he was going to lose her anyway why bother?

Draco looked over at her and smiled at the soft sounds of her breathing. That was why. That moment of seeing her that instilled a sense of peace in him that seemed almost impossible to find anywhere else. She was like Quidditch, only better. He smiled at that analogy, knowing that she probably wouldn't find it half as amusing as he did. She disliked Quiddith. He liked that he knew that. The fact that he knew that she liked arithmancy and hated flying were things that made him feel happy. Rarely did he take the time to really find out anything about anyone other than himself. Not that he was all that good at figuring himself out, it was just easier not to concentrate on other people.

Draco laid their thinking for a little while longer. He'd made a decision and it was a difficult one. He didn't know if he had the courage to follow through with it but he was going to try. There was a Valentine's Day Dance coming up in about a month and he was intent on asking her to accompany him before someone else did. Someone like Weasley. Draco didn't know if he would be able to do it, walk into the Great Hall with her, if not arm in arm, then side by side. It just seemed like a grand recipe for disaster. Not that he didn't sometimes revel in such chaos, but this time it meant something.

It would be his official way of breaking ties, and he was quite sure that it would break a lot. His whole house would turn against him. He supposed that he could always lie, after all, he was good at it, and tell them that it was some sort of joke or cruel trick but that thought didn't really appeal to him. He didn't want to pretend to hate her anymore. He wasn't sure that he had ever hated her to begin with. He had let his prejudice of other people, mainly Potter and Weasley, get in the way of everything.

He was trying hard to let it go. It wasn't at all easy. He had spent his whole life being brought up to hate Potter and that wasn't going away over night. He could let go of the fact that Harry had been the cause of Voldemort's downfall. Everything else about Potter he still disliked and that wasn't going to go away, even if he wanted it to for her sake. Then there was Weasley. Draco's current problem with him was that he knew that he liked Hermione. That much was obvious and whether or not she realized it, it was there.

Draco wasn't sure that if Weasley made his feelings known, really known, that Draco would not be much of a contender anymore. He was all of the good things that Draco was not and he was under no delusions about who was the "better man" even if he would never admit it out loud. Even if Hermione was bound to leave him eventually he hoped it would be for anyone but Weasely.

With a sigh Draco closed his eyes. He didn't know why she had to leave him at all. He didn't want her to, but it simply seemed inevitable. He told himself that if he resolved himself to it now then it might not affect him so much when it happened. While he didn't like that outlook it just seemed like it had to be accepted. Tired of his thoughts going around in circles he decided that it was time to sleep. He moved a little closer to her, glad to simply be near her.

"Finally. I was afraid that you were going to lay awake thinking forever," came the sleepy voice from beside him. Draco felt himself grinning into the darkness.

"How long have you been awake?" he asked, resisting the urge to move even closer to her. She seemed to have had the same impulse but she hadn't denied it. He felt her hand slowly creep over to his and their fingers entwined.

"Not long, but you looked like you were thinking and I didn't want to interrupt. Good thoughts I hope?" she asked and he could hear her smothering a yawn.

"Most of them were about you so I can't say that they were all that unpleasant," he said taking comfort from the warmth of her hand. He might have to suggest that they make the Library their permanent sleeping place. He liked having her close enough to touch whenever he wanted.

"I wanted to dream about you but I don't think I was asleep long enough." Draco could hear that she was on the verge of falling back asleep and as much as he liked talking to her he didn't particularly mind. He was sure that he would fall asleep eventually but having her company gave him all the more reason to stay up. The night was passing too quickly as it was.

"Hermione, I wanted to ask you something," Draco said into the darkness.

"Hmm?" came the response.

"Would you like to go to the Valentine's Day dance with me next month." There it was. He couldn't say that it had been especially difficult, still, he wasn't used to asking girls to dances. They usually asked him.

"I'd go anywhere with you." Draco smiled at her answer and then heard the even sounds of her breathing as she slept. He sincerely hoped that she would remember what she had just said in the morning.

He moved even closer to her, their sides touching and after a few minutes he fell asleep in a rare moment of complete contentment.

* * *

Hermione woke up and stretched, almost hitting someone in the process. She looked over to her right to see Draco laying next to her, fast asleep. She quickly remembered where she was and then she felt a grin blossoming over her face. This was definitely something that she could get used to. He looked so innocent laying there. She remembered that she'd had those same thoughts a few months ago when they'd woken up together. Draco Malfoy... innocent. Those still were not the first words that came to mind when she thought about him. Not that that was a bad thing.

Hermione looked through the window. She had no idea what time it was as the sky was overcast in dark gray clouds. There was enough light trying to peek out from behind them that she got the impression that it was sometime in the morning. She just didn't know when. She didn't wear a watch either so as far as she knew it could've been mid afternoon. At least no one had found them. That was a good thing. With a yawn she sat up and tried to decide how to go about waking Draco up. There were so many wonderful options.

Hermione felt her face turn red with the boldness of some of her thoughts. She couldn't bring herself to lean over and plant kisses on the wondrously pale skin of his neck. Tempting as it was. There were also other notions that she didn't even bother entertaining. She reached out her hand and laid it on his shoulder. He didn't stir. She gave it a little shake and he mumbled something but didn't seem to keen on waking up.

"Draco," she said as loudly as she dared. "It's time to wake up," she said shaking him again. He began to wake up and when he saw her he gave her the most beautiful smile that she'd ever seen. It seemed to be equal parts delight, befuddlement, and affection. She promised herself that she would never forget the way that he looked at her in that moment. "Good morning," she said letting her hand wander down his arms to his hand where she held it.

"Good morning," he said sitting up and gracing her with a good morning kiss on the lips. It was short and he pulled away much too quickly for her liking. She supposed it was a good thing, they couldn't very well be caught in the muggle section of the library making out, that would cause chaos in the school. The very thought amused her quite a bit.

"How did you sleep?" Hermione asked, glad that he hadn't woken up in the middle of the night from a nightmare like he'd done the last time. At least she hoped that he hadn't. She'd been quite exhausted last night, even falling sleep while she was in the middle of talking to him. She hoped that he hadn't minded. He didn't look like he'd had a bad night's sleep either.

"Better than usual," he said and she could sense the truth of his words. He wasn't just trying to be flattering and that flattered her. They had talked long into the night. Nothing important, nothing life changing, but insightful none the less. They had shared many stories about their younger days in school. It was strange, but for the last seven years that they'd gone to school together they'd had totally different experiences. Hermione had tried to keep talk of her friends to a minimum because she was sure that he didn't want to particularly hear about all of their adventures. The times that she had talked about them he hadn't seemed to openly mind. Maybe the resentment was fading, or maybe he was just good at hiding it. Either way, she had enjoyed the conversation.

Draco had steered clear of talking about his parents and she understood. As much as she wanted to understand the full relationship and dynamic between them all she knew now wasn't the time. Hopefully sometime in the future he would be ready to really open up to her. She had to admit that she was really more curious about his father. She wondered if Draco knew all of the things that his father did. If he had known the importance of Tom Riddle's Diary, or what would happen at the Ministry of Magic. She told herself that those things didn't matter and the answers had the potential to open old wounds so she let it go.

"What about you?" he asked, pulling her from her thoughts.

"I slept very well. I'm sorry about falling asleep last night," she said sheepishly. She remembered waking up and talking to him but she wasn't quite sure what was said. She'd been on the verge of sleep and she was positive that she had just begun talking to him so that he'd talk back. She liked hearing his voice as she fell asleep.

"I didn't mind. I'm glad that you got a little bit of sleep." Hermione saw his gaze travel to the window and knew that he was trying to decide what time it was. She didn't think that he was having much more luck than she had.

"I think we'd better be going back," he said with a sigh as he stood up and then reached down and offered her his hand. She gladly took it and refuse to let go once she had righted herself. Before she could stop herself Hermione flung her arms around him and gave him a tight hug.

"Please promise me that you won't stop talking to me again," she said into his shoulder. She wasn't sure that she would be able to relieve this whole week of not talking again. It would drive her mad. She knew that what would make it unbearable was the fact that they had classes together. If it wasn't for that fact she was sure that she would survive. However seeing him so close, only a few tables away, and not talking or looking at one another was not something that wanted to experience anytime soon. She didn't like feeling needy, let alone showing it to him, but she had come to realize that she did need him.

"I promise," he said. Hermione wanted to trust him but deep down she knew that if something happened he might not keep that promise. She'd be content by at least believing that he wanted to keep it, even if he couldn't. They made their way through the library as quietly as possible. They'd just made their way out of the maze that was the muggle section. The lights were on and the Library was brightly lit so Hermione was sure that it was open and the doors were unlocked. She was just about to suggest that one or the other of them go first so they weren't seen together.

Hearing a voice in front of her and to her left she realized that she was too late.

"Hermione, what in the bloody Hell are you doing in here with _him_?"

Hermione felt her face burn as she looked over to see Ron and Harry standing there. It looked as if they hadn't been awake long and both of them looked rather grumpy. Hermione wanted to breathe a sigh of relief that they hadn't found she had Draco sleeping on the floor together. There definitely wouldn't have been a logical explanation for that. Before she even had a chance to explain Ron started in again.

"Lavender said that you never came to bed last night and you weren't in the Common Room. Were you down here all night with that git?" Ron asked, not even bothering to censor his language in front of Draco. Hermione could tell that his anger had more to do with worry than anything else, at least she hoped that was the bulk of it. He was openly glaring at Draco and Hermione had to resist the urge to move closer to him.

"We were studying last night and I lost track of time. We got locked in. That was all. I didn't mean to worry you," Hermione said quickly hoping that she wasn't as bad a liar as she felt. Right now she felt like a fairly horrible one. She was just waiting for Draco to say something to antagonize Ron.

"Studying?" Ron asked suspiciously. Hermione could tell that he was still angry about Draco's presence but Hermione refused to say anything. She hated lying but she didn't think the truth would have much better results. Really she just didn't want Ron to hate her.

"I told you there was an explanation," said Harry coming to her defense. She was sure that he was more just trying to prevent a fight than he was taking her side. She really hoped that they weren't going to be angry with her. Ron was quiet for a moment and then with a visible effort he seemed to put aside whatever anger he was feeling.

"Are you coming to breakfast with us then?" he asked and she could still hear the lingering animosity in his voice. They were going to have to have a talk, and soon. She definitely was not looking forward to it.

"Yeah, you two go on. I'll be there in a minute." That was apparently the wrong thing to say because Ron furiously turned and then stomped away. Harry followed, giving them a perplexed backward glance as he left the library with Ron.

"Sorry," Hermione said looking up at Draco hoping that he hadn't been offended by her lie, or Ron's outburst for that matter. She hoped that he would understand.

"Don't be. I need to get back to the Dungeons and you ought to catch up with them. I'll talk to you soon," he gave her a parting glance that put her fears to rest and she fondly watched him walk away. For the first time that foreboding feeling in the pit of her stomach wasn't so bad. Maybe things could work after all.

* * *

Soooo close to 400 reviews, this is so absolutely amazing. Keep reviewing, keep reading, and check out my story Elusive Awakenings if you haven't already! Bug hugs!


	24. Pansy

Hermione sat across from Harry and Ron, trying her hardest to seem interested in the food that was sat out in front of her. It was harder than she had anticipated. She glanced up at Harry and Ron and then back at her food. Harry was giving her a look that she couldn't read and Ron was either completely engrossed in his breakfast or he was ignoring her. She thought the odds were probably on the latter. She concentrated on her pancakes and then her mind wandered back to Draco. She was happy that he had so willingly allowed her to go off with her friends. It had meant a lot to her that he hadn't seemed too upset.

She really wanted to believe that things were changing. Maybe they had finally found their beginning. It had definitely taken long enough. She tried to discretely look over at the Slytherin table and she was happy to see that she was just in time to watch him slip into his usual chair. As he noticed her looking at him he smiled and she returned it, feeling like a giddy school girl.

She both hated and loved that he evoked that reaction in her. If only things were not so complicated, then maybe she could truly enjoy it. She turned back to her breakfast and saw a different pair of eyes staring at her. Ron looked furious. Hermione felt her face redden at being caught. This whole morning was going to end badly. She could feel it. She supposed that she ought to find some time to pull Ron aside and have a long talk with him. She was pretty sure she knew how it was going to go. He was going to condemn Draco while she defended him.

That didn't soothe the unease that she felt building up in her stomach. Hermione tried telling herself that she, Ron, and Harry had been through so much that her friendship, or whatever it was, with Draco was not going to be anything that they couldn't overcome. However, Ron was a boy, a teenage boy at that, and pride was going to play a part. Still, he had to realize that just because they were friends it didn't mean that he had some sort of unspoken claim on her. She was free to be friends with whoever she wanted and he had to repect that. If he didn't... well... she was going to make him.

Once breakfast was over Hermione walked back to the Common Room with her friends and pointedly gave Harry and Ginny a look, silently asking them to make themselves scarce. Harry mumbled something about leaving something in their dorm room and then he scrambled up the stairs with Ginny close behind. Hermione took a few moments to build up her courage.

"I think we need to talk," Hermione said as she sat down next to Ron on the large sofa in front of the fireplace. The same one that she had slept with Draco on. It brought back memories that she quite enjoyed thinking about. However, now was unfortunately not the time. Ron looked up at her and Hermione could instantly tell that he wasn't happy and she felt bad for being the cause of it. Really all she wanted was for her friends to be happy and happy for her. This seemed like an almost impossible situation. She really didn't know what to do.

"What do we need to talk about?" he asked, pretending to be completely entranced by a random spot on the wall.

"Draco."

"Do you have to call him that?"

Hermione looked down at her hands. It came surprisingly easily to her to say his name. She just liked hearing it. She had forgotten that perhaps she was the only one. With a small sigh she apologized and then attempted to start over again.

"Malfoy and I are friends. I can't help that. I know you don't understand. _I_ don't even understand but in a strange way I think that we compliment each other." Really she didn't know what to say. She couldn't explain to Ron how just a simple touch from him made her skin burn and her breath catch in her throat. That her insides hurt when she was away from him. She knew that she couldn't tell him that. None of it would help him understand any better.

There was just something about Draco... something that no matter how hard she tried she couldn't rationalize. It just was. Although the logical, orderly, part of her mind hated that, there was something about the fact that it was so strange and inexplicable that she relished it. She knew so many things but this was something that was beyond her to understand. It was honestly exhilarating.

"Do you think that I haven't noticed the looks you've been giving him the last week. Wouldn't talk to you would he? That's the way he is, Hermione. He's never going to be there for you and if you think that you actually mean anything to him you're wrong. This is a game, and whether you see it or not it is. This isn't just about you, Hermione. This is about Harry, and me, and Dumbledore, and Lupin, and Tonks and everyone else that could be hurt by who, and what, he is. His father breaks out of Azkaban and then all of a sudden he's your best friend? Doesn't that seem at all suspicious to you?" he asked angrily.

Hermione knew that he had a valid point but at the same time there was no way that she could accept it. She knew Draco, maybe not as well as she knew Harry and Ron, but well enough to know that he wasn't trying to trick her or betray her. The way that he had acted when he had found out about his father, that had been all too real. She refused to believe that he had anything to do with his father escaping.

It had taken her a lot to be able to trust Draco but strangely she did. There was still that lingering mistrust but for the most part she could really say that she trusted him. It was equal parts terrifying and liberating.

"That's not fair. He's not at all like his father-"

"Isn't he? Do you really know what Lucius is capable of? He's a liar and a cheat and he'll do anything he wants to get what he wants. He'll manipulate _Draco_ into destroying you and I'm not going to stand around and watch it happen." With that he got up and made his way up the stairs after Harry and Ginny. Hermione sat there on the sofa and watched him go. The worst part was that she understood where his concern came from and that it wasn't unfounded. She just didn't know how to make them see.

With a sigh Hermione went up to her room and laid on her bed. Trying desperately not to be upset. She just wanted her life to not be so complicated.

* * *

Draco was laying on his bed writing in the journal that Hermione had bought him for Christmas. The fact that it was a gift from her had made him too uncomfortable to write in it this last week when they weren't talking. He had a lot to catch up on. He was scribbling away, recounting the events of last night. It seemed odd to him that he should take so quickly to journal writing but at the same time it made him feel better. It helped keep him in good spirits. He was thinking about the feelings he had experienced when he had woken up with her.

It was hard for him to explain those feelings but he was doing his best. Sometimes he felt the urge to run, to hide, but he knew that he couldn't. Every time that he thought that it was better that he push her away, life decided that it just wasn't meant to be and he was thrown back with her. He was beginning to believe a little bit in fate.

Draco looked up as he heard the door to his dorms open and shut. Pansy was standing there, her face revealing a scowl. She wasn't happy. There was nothing new about that. He wondered what she wanted. It was Pansy, it wasn't really hard to figure out, she just wanted attention. He shut his journal and then laid it on the table next to his bed. Crossing his arms across his chest he waited for her to speak.

"Where were you last night?" she asked acidly. Draco wondered when she had started keeping tabs on him. For all he knew it might've been years. He wasn't surprised by the idea that she would bribe someone in his dorms to tell her when he was gone. That was Pansy. She liked to be in control. He was the only one that she couldn't control and it infuriated her and attracted her at the same time.

"I don't see why it's any of your business," he said lazily. All he wanted to do was find some way to spend more time with Hermione. Just the thought of her made him smile, much to Pansy's chagrin. He couldn't help himself.

"It is my business. Were you with _her_?" Pansy asked, hands on her hips.

"Which her? You'll have to be more specific." Draco knew that he was antagonizing her and that it could be dangerous but she had to realize the place that she held in his life. There wasn't room for her anymore. In the past Pansy hadn't particularly cared who he did anything with. She would always find out eventually and generally after that, any girl that he had taken an interest in backed off. Draco was sure that Pansy passed a well aimed threat their way. He had never minded. It was a game that he had relished playing.

"You know which one. The Mudblood. I swear Draco if you were with her..."

"I wasn't with her. Don't you know me better than that?" He asked. No, she didn't. He wasn't sure that anyone really knew him. Anyone but her. Again with the thoughts of her. He wasn't sure whether to be amused or annoyed that she wouldn't get out of his head.

Pansy didn't have a chance to answer because a few seconds later there was a tap at the window. Draco looked over at the window to see an owl fluttering there, its beak softly hitting the window. It only took him a moment to realize that it was one of the school owls and not one of his fathers. He felt himself expel a sigh of relief. He had been waiting for a letter from his father and every day that it didn't come was another day that he could breathe just a little easier.

Draco opened the window, took the parchment from its foot and then opened it. Pansy must have been alarmed by the grinning spreading across his face.

"Who is that from?" Pansy asked glaring at him.

"No one," Draco said as he turned around and slipped the piece of parchment into his pocket. He was still resisting the urge to grin and he had a strange warm feeling in his insides. Pansy was glaring at him and Draco was waiting for her to explode. What came next was most unexpected. Before he could stop her she was in front of him, her lips on his. After the first initial seconds of shock wore off he pushed her away.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked her, out of breath with outrage.

"You tell me," she said with a malicious smile as she turned and walked out of the room. He stood there for a few moments wondering what had gotten into her. He reached into his pocket, intending to read the note once again, but his pocket was empty.

Draco ran out of his dorm after Pansy, hoping to get to her before she reached the Girl's dorms and could safely read it.

If he didn't Hermione was going to kill him if Pansy didn't kill her first.

* * *

Sorry for the shortness of the chapter. Thanks for reading, as always review, pretty, pretty please?


	25. Truth revealed

Draco bolted for the door, pulling out his wand in the process. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he felt a surge of adrenaline. He couldn't believe that Pansy had snatched his letter. He was torn between being absolutely furious and slightly amused. Of course the anger won out. However, he had to admit that it had been very sneaky of her to distract him with a kiss so that he would not notice her taking it from his pocket. Still, she had no right to take his personal mail and read it. Especially something that personal. He made it into the corridor and she was no where to be seen.

Damn it.

That meant she was already making it into the Common Room. He could see her mad dash in his head and he vowed that she was going to pay. He picked up the pace, running down the corridor and out into the entrance to the Common Room. He was just in time to see her heading straight for the entrance into the girl's dormitory. Like all of the other Hogwarts' Houses, the girls dormitory was protected by spells that would make it impossible for any male to enter. He flicked his wand at her with an angry 'stupefy' and he cursed as it missed and she disappeared around the corner. This was not good. It was very... not good. His heart started pounding furiously as he realized the potential consequences of Pansy reading that letter. What if she told his father?

If she did he would deal with it, and deal with it well, anything to protect her. Finally, Draco realized that he had cause quite a bit of commotion in the Common Room because there were several students standing there looking at him in shock. It wasn't a usual occurrence that he ran about hexing people, especially Pansy. Last year they had been practically joined at the hip and now he was chasing her looking quite murderous he was sure. Draco took a calming breath and then made his way over to the entrance to the hallway that lead to the Girl's Dorms.

"Pansy Parkinson come out here right now or you aren't going to live until morning to regret it!" He yelled angrily. She had probably already read the letter. He internally groaned. He was never, ever, going to hear the end of this and he doubted that any one else would for that matter. He looked down the corridor to see her standing at the end of it, holding the parchment out before her, a smile on her lips.

By now there was a small crowd that had gathered behind him, waiting for Pansy to come out. This was going to end badly. He could feel it. And then Pansy started to laugh...

Draco cringed and watched as she began to walk towards him, the parchment held out in front of her. He still couldn't believe that she had taken it and read it. Bitch. Things were about to get very complicated and he knew that it wasn't going to be easy to explain. However there was one thing that Daco knew about himself and that was his talent for lying, and lie he would. A plan was already forming in his mind. Pansy was now standing only a few feet in front of him but she was still out of his reach. The moment that she walked out of the protection of the hallway he was going to curse her tongue so that it swelled up to ten times its size and then choked her. Too bad that by then the damage would already be done.

"Want your little love note back?" she asked acidly as she waved it just inches in front of him. He scowled at her. He didn't like being toyed with, especially when he was usually the one to do the toying. If she thought that she was going to best him she was wrong. Payback was something that no one wanted from him. So help him if she said another word he was going to make her life miserable.

"Hand it over and don't say another word," Draco demanded, his voice a deadly growl. He had little hope that she would listen.

"Not another word? You mean you don't want them all to know what this says? My one regret about this school is that it doesn't have a drama class. I've always been such a good actress. However with a script like this how can I resist? Let's see... let's start from the beginning..." Pansy said holding the note out before her and striking a pose.

"'Dear Draco...' is she serious? _Dear_ Draco. In what world are you dear to anyone? 'I'm laying here in bed thinking about you'." at this point he could hear the catcalls behind him and he had to fight his body's automatic reaction of turning his face red, more for Hermione's sake than his. They were never going to let her forget this.

"Stop it Pansy," he said again, wanting nothing more than to deck her. It was what she deserved.

"'I just had a talk with Ron about you and it didn't go well. I can't say that I expected it to. I just wish that he could see what I see in you.' What does she see in you Draco? Lying , manipulative, bastard that you are? Oh, but that's not the end of it, let's read on shall we? 'I just wanted you to know that I miss you and I hope after dinner you can meet me up on the Astronomy Tower. I'd really enjoy getting to talk to you. Thank you again for last night. I very much enjoyed being with you.'" Pansy let out a shrill laugh and Draco internally groaned.

"I very much enjoyed being with you," Pansy repeated, emphasizing each and every word. No matter what Draco said everyone was going to draw their own conclusions from that. However, there was still hope. Just a little tiny bit of hope. Draco had a feeling that Pansy was going to crush even that.

"That's not the best part!" Pansy announced as she held the note out in front of her. "It's sighed 'Yours, H.G.' Do we even dare try to figure out who this mysterious H.G. is? Let's see, where was it, oh yes... 'I just had a talk with _Ron _about you and it didn't go well.' Ron? Ron? Why does that ring a bell. Oh, yes! HERMIONE GRANGER'S best friend! Is our dear Slytherin Prince seducing the Gryffindor Mudblood? How the mighty have fallen!"

Draco glared at her trying to resist the urge to either run head long into the magical barrier in an attempt to strangle her or risk cursing her and having it ricochet off of the shield and hit him. At this point he really didn't care. He was completely enraged. He told himself to calm down and take a few calming breaths. Murder generally got one expelled and at the moment he didn't have any other place to go. A few moments later he had regained his composure. It was now time for damage control. He went through the list of options in his head as his fellow Slytherins were whispering behind him. He could paint Pansy out to be a liar, pretend that she had made it all up and forged it. Unfortunately he had gotten too angry in the beginning, chasing her through the Common Room. Why would he care so much if it was a fake? His mistake. That left only two other options. Come up with a damn good excuse as to why Hermione Granger was sending him letters... or tell the truth.

The choice was easy.

Draco turned around, exuding an aura of calm, cold, control. He had to do this right. Pansy was laughing behind him and he made himself block her out. She didn't matter.

"As you all have heard, my Father escaped from Azkaban a few weeks ago." Draco hated himself for being able to so calmly announce that. Of course everyone knew. "I've talked to him since then. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named needs information about Potter and his friends and he's using me to get it. I've made sacrifices, I have to be nice to that filthy Mudblood, pretend that I like her. That's what I do to prove my loyalty. What do any of you do? What does Pansy do?" he asked, directing a cold glare her way. She looked furious. He smiled as he easily fell into his role.

"Now is the time for action. We must secure the Dark Lord's place among us and to do that we must eliminate any and all threat to him. I have been chosen. I have proved myself worthy. I don't go around simply wishing for the day that He returns, I work to make it happen! If I have to lie and seduce my into being friends with that Mudblood then it's worth it. If that's what the Dark Lord wishes of me then I shall do it. He shall return and take his rightful place and he will crush all of those that stand in the way." Draco sent a pointed look at Pansy. She was absolutely livid.

He had won.

That's what she got for going against him.

* * *

Hermione Granger sat at the Gryffindor table wanting desperately for Ron to say something, anything to her. Dinner was almost over and he hadn't said one word. She looked over at Ginny who was trying to fill the awkward silence and gave her a small smile. At least she had someone who wasn't totally against her. Hermione wasn't sure what Ron had told Harry but he didn't seem to happy with her either. She could only hope that this would all blow over eventually.

They were best friends...

Hermione looked over at the Syltherin table and again wondered where Draco was. Her gaze met that of Pansy Parkinson's and she could feel the hate all the way from across the room. Hermione looked away first, not wanting to antagonize her. The last thing she needed was the Slytherin to have a vendetta against her. Things were complicated enough as it was. She hoped that Draco had gotten her note and was going to meet her like she had asked him to. She just really needed to vent about the whole Ron thing. She wasn't sure he would be the most sympathetic audience but she wasn't quite sure who else she could talk to.

She was almost afraid to talk to Ginny because she didn't want to alienate another one of friends. Ginny had seemed somewhat supportive of their friendship during the Christmas vacation but she wasn't sure exactly how far that support would go. She didn't want it to end and bringing it up now might mean the loss of her only ally. Hermione sighed and finished her mashed potatoes as she waited for the clock to chime the hour. Then she could go find Draco and seek some sort of solitude. He had this ability to calm her in the most unnerving way.

She very much liked it.

Hermione had the sensation of someone looking at her and as she looked up her eyes again met Pansy's although this time the Slytherin was talking to Blaise Zabini and pointing in her direction. It didn't look as if they were having a good conversation. She particularly did not like the way that Zabini was snickering. She sincerely hoped that it had nothing to do with her and Draco. Did she worry about what would happen if everyone found out about them? Of course. But that day hadn't happened yet and it wasn't worth stressing out about.

Once Hermione was finished eating she excused herself and then made her way out of the Great Hall, intent on going to the Astronomy Tower. She was surprised to find Draco waiting just outside the entrance to the Great Hall. He took her breath away just with the simple way that he leaned against the wall, his arms crossed in that forboding manner.

"I thought we were going to meet up on the Astronomy Tower?" she said confused. It wasn't that she minded meeting him out in the open, it was just that she didn't want to make things more difficult for Ron than they already were. The last thing that he needed was to see them together. His forgiveness might not come so easily then.

She still wasn't sure if he was going to forgive her at all.

"Plans changed. I was hoping we could go take a walk down by the lake." Draco looked a little bit worried and she wondered what it was. He hadn't been eating dinner and she wondered if perhaps he was sick or something. Not to mention that it was still winter and he was talking about an evening stroll by the lake. It was going to be freezing, at least the Astronomy Tower had charms already in place to protect against the cold.

"It's going to be chilly outside. I'd rather stay in. We can always go to the Library," she suggested. Wondering what his aversion was to the Astronomy Tower.

"Well, as if this isn't surprise," Hermione heard a voice come from behind her. She turned around to see Pansy and Zabini standing there. She internally groaned. This was not good. She stayed quiet while Draco stood there scowling at the two of them. He didn't look particularly surprised.

"Dear Draco, thank you so much for last night. I enjoyed being with you..." Pansy quoted with a sneer. Hermione looked at her in confusion as she realized what Pansy was talking about. She had written those words in a letter to him just a few hours ago. How had Pansy of all people found out about that? Hermione felt her face turning red. That letter had been private and meant for no one but Draco.

Hermione turned to him and he looked guilty, as if he knew this had been coming. She felt betrayal bubbling up in her stomach. Had he told them about their friendship? Showed them the letter? Her personal and private thoughts meant for no one else but him? She felt herself feeling suddenly exposed and vulnerable. It was a feeling that she rarely experienced and she had to get away from it. She rushed past Draco who reached out to stop her. She evaded him.

"If you think he'll ever be 'yours' you're wrong. Draco Malfoy will never belong to anyone let alone you Mudblood!" Hermione heard Pansy calling after her. She knew that he was following her, she could hear his footsteps echoing behind hers but she didn't slow down. She just wanted to get as far away from him as possible.

"Hermione! Hermione, wait!" he called after her. She ignored him. He caught up with her and in one quick motion he had grabbed her arm, swung her around, and pressed his lips against hers. She felt her knees go weak.

So much for running.


	26. Walking Away

Draco felt his heart beating in his chest as his skin touched hers and he pulled her against him. Their lips crashed against each other and he reveled in her sweetness, in the way that they melded seamlessly together. He had to admit that the passion took him aback. He wasn't sure who was contributing the most of it. He was feeling so many different emotions right now and there were two that were first and foremost in his mind at the moment. Fear at the thought of losing her and anger at the fact that she didn't trust him. Her first instinct had been to run from him. Not to give him the benefit of the doubt. To believe in the worst in him. He hated that so much that he had to fight against his old instincts to run away himself. He wanted to punish her for her lack of faith. He wanted to give her that little ball of hurt that was growing in his chest.

Problem was she was probably already feeling it.

Was that his fault? No. If she hadn't jumped to the worst conclusions about him then neither of them would be in this predicament. Was it so much of him to ask that she trust him? Maybe given their past history it was, but he wanted her to believe that he was different. He wanted so badly to be different.

Draco was the one to pull away first as all of these thoughts ran through his head. He took a deep breath in an attempt to let go of the anger and so that he could begin telling her what had happened. Right as he was about to speak he felt the air whoosh from his lungs as she pushed against his chest, knocking him back a few steps.

"How could you!? Do you think it's funny to show all of them things... personal things, that were meant for no one but you? My fault right? Should have known better than to expect you to actually care about my feelings. This is just wonderful, Pansy and Zabini! The whole school will know by tomorrow. And Harry and Ron! This is all your fault!" she vented at him, running her fingers through her hair in frustration.

Rationally Draco knew that she was upset and panicking just the way that he'd done when Pansy had first taken the letter. Emotionally he was furious. How dare she accuse him of doing any of this on purpose. As if he took any sort of pleasure in hurting her feelings. They were never going to get past the past. He was always going to be the one to blame. The malicious one. The liar, the sneak, the betrayer. Right now the role that he felt was one that he despised, and that was the role of the fool.

Hermione Granger had made a fool of him. This was the last time he was going to let that happen. He had tried so hard to be something good for her. To make his own choices, to be his own person, and this is what it got him. Accused and yelled at. It wasn't worth it. How could it be worth it? Did she not think that he was strong enough to walk away? That he needed her? Draco Malfoy didn't need anyone and that was something he kept forgetting. No forgetting now, not when it could leave him feeling like this. He was tired of all of these feelings, tired of talking, tired of trying, tired of her.

So she thought the worst of him? That was fine, he would deal with that, but he wouldn't deal with it here and now. He had to get away from her before he said something that he would regret. More importantly before he said something that he wouldn't. He looked at her one more time, she was still angry, her face was flushed and she had her arms crossed across her chest, waiting for an explanation. Well, she didn't deserve one. He turned around and walked away from her feeling like if he didn't he was going to erupt in anger and frustration. It had been a long time since he'd felt rage like this. Where were Crabbe and Goyle when he needed them? Probably following Nott around. Draco hadn't had much use for them lately so they had kept their distance. It was only now that Draco felt the loss of them.

As he walked away Draco didn't hear the sound of her footsteps behind him and for some reason that made the betrayal worse. Didn't even care enough to hear his side of the story, did she? Of course not. Why bother listening to a liar. His steps were the only ones he heard as he made his way down to the Dungeons. He prayed that he didn't see Pansy because at this point he was going to something unforgivable if he did.

Finally he was in the solace of the dorms and the coldness of the dungeons soothed his temper just a little bit and he began to think clearly. What was he doing getting so upset over a Mudblood? That word sounded alien in his head and he suppressed the ball of guilt growing in the pit of his stomach. He made it to his bed and lay down with a heavy sigh. He had to do something to get his mind off of her. Something, anything. He decided to revert to an old past time. Take a piece of parchment, roll it into a ball, throw it across the room and incinerate it with his wand before it hit the floor.

A few minutes later the air was rank with the smell of burned paper and ash littered the floor. Draco had to admit that he felt a little better. He had to keep his mind away from her. Wondering what she was doing, wondering how she was feeling, wondering anything about her. She had done nothing but make his life way more complicated than it needed to be.

There was a tap at the window and Draco looked up to see an owl sitting on the sill. Wondering if it was from Hermione, he debated upon not opening the window but the curiosity got the best of him. He wanted it to be from her. He wanted an apology, something, anything that let him know that she no longer saw him as the Slytherin Prince. With hands that were surprisingly shaking, he opened the window and the owl flew in, dropped what looked like a little ball, and then quickly flew back out the window.

Draco looked at the little ball as it made a metallic sound as it rolled across the floor, right towards him. It looked very much like a snitch, except it lacked wings and it was silver in color. He was just about to bend down and pick it up when it gave a little shake. Seconds later his father was standing right in front of him.

Draco felt his heart plummet through the floor boards. It couldn't be his father, yet it looked just like him. He was thinner, and that made his frame look more sharp and angled, but there was no mistaking those eyes, even if they were almost engulfed by the dark circles under them.

"Father?" he asked hesitantly, resisting the urge to take a step back and cower against the wall. How could this be? This couldn't be happening.

"Draco, it is good to see you. I don't have much time so I must make this quick." The voice was still the same. Soft, silky, deathly. it reminded him of a snake ready to strike.

"What are you doing here?" Draco asked in a whisper. His tone was one that he wasn't sure he had ever used with his father before but the panic was taking over. What if someone walked in? What if Dumbledore found out? He'd get expelled and then he'd have nowhere to go.

"I'm projecting myself to you. Complicated but useful. I'm sure you've heard about your mother. The portion of the Malfoy fortune that she took has been recovered and is being held in trust by someone whose loyalty I do not question. Do I have reason to question yours?" The last sentence was spoke with an almost tangible threat.

"Of course not, Father." The words came easily to his lips, as if by some compulsion. He didn't know how he could stand there so calmly in front of his worst nightmare.

"Good. I've secured an ally in the form of a former school mate of mine. His daughter happens to be one of your classmates, a Ravenclaw by the name of Lisa Turpin. Any correspondences between us must come through her from now on. It should be safe. There needs to be a reason for the two of you to be seen together. Make her your ally, Draco. Most importantly I need you to get as close to Potter as possible. The time of the Dark Lord is drawing near. We must be prepared."

Before Draco could even think to ask a question, the ball had disappeared in a cloud of heavy gray smoke that smelled of sulfur, adding to the unpleasant stench of the room. With a flick of his wand the window flew open and the smoke flew outside. Draco could feel his hands still shaking.

Things had just got a lot more complicated.

* * *

Hermione couldn't explain all of the emotions that were coursing through her. She felt like a ball of tangled yarn and the fact that he was kissing her didn't help anything. She didn't stop him though. It felt good to get lost in the feeling of his lips against hers but at the same time it didn't make anything better. It didn't stop the hurt that she felt from consuming her. What Pansy had said was running through her head. Draco would never belong to anyone, least of all her.

Draco pulled his lips away from hers but they stood close together, his hands still gently holding her arms. What gave him that right?

With all of the strength that she could muster, which wasn't much, she pushed him back. Did he think that he could just run up to her and kiss her and everything would go away? That she would forget everything that had just happened. She saw something in his eyes and it reminded her so much of the old Malfoy that she wanted to take a step back from him. She was torn between anger and feeling apologetic, anger won out.

When she was done unleashing her fury on him he stood there, not saying a word. She could see that he was angry, and right when she thought that he was going to explode on her he walked away. Hermione was furious at the tears that were filling her eyes. She was literally shaking, and couldn't pin point the emotion that was causing it. Anger, fear, simple adrenaline? Whatever it was it was making her sick to her stomach. She watched until he disappeared behind a corner, not even looking back at her and it felt like a dam broke inside of her. So that was it then? He was just going to walk away? She felt so unbelievably foolish. The embarrassment from earlier now seemed to be magnified. She couldn't handle the fact that Pansy knew what she had written to him. Ron would probably know soon, and so would Harry. She wasn't sure which scared her most, the thought that he closest friends might find out or the rest of her house mates. Who would be more forgiving?

Hermione was sure that she was going to be sick. Why hadn't he stayed? Said something? Anything? The fact that he had kissed her had only made her anger and frustration worse. Did he think that it was all that she wanted from him? She wanted a friend, she wanted someone that she could put her trust in. He had proved to be neither of those. She was use to having arguments and disagreements with Harry and Ron, but no matter what she said she always knew that they'd make up eventually, that they would still be there once the dust had settled. She needed that security and Draco didn't offer that.

Hermione made her way up to the Gryffindor common room, her foot steps echoing behind her. How was she going to face her friends? Ron most of all? Right now all she wanted to do was find a dark abandoned corner to hide in until all of this went away. How dare he make her feel this way. How dare she allow him to. This was her fault. She had tried so hard to see the best in him and all he did was disappoint her for her troubles.

It wasn't fair. It just really wasn't fair.

Hermione spoke the password to the Common Room and walked inside. It was warm and the fire burning in the fireplace beckoned to her. She walked over to the sofa in front of it and plopped down, furiously wiping at the tears that had begun to fall. This was all _his_ fault. If he would have just said something and not walked away maybe things would be different. He was a coward and she hated him for it.

No, not hate. She could never hate him.

That thought frustrated her to no end. She heard the doors open and then the influx of talk as the majority of the House returned from dinner. Hermione sank further into the couch hoping that she remained unnoticed while at the same time remembering how her first kiss with Draco had taken place on his very couch. That didn't help her stop the tears. She had been able to convince herself that things would work out, yes they would be difficult, but it wasn't impossible. It seemed impossible right now.

Hermione wondered when she had turned into the kind of girl that spent time crying about boys and relationships. Since now apparently. She did not like the changes that she saw in herself because of him. Was this how love worked? Did it change you so much that you began to lose sight of who you were? Love... as if she could even call what she had shared with him love. Misguided attraction, deluded affection, those words were more suited to what she felt, had felt for him.

Damn him.

They'd managed to get along for a whole two days this time before everything had fallen apart. Two days was all they could manage and then things had to go and implode and leave her devastated in the process. Ron was right, he had told her that Draco would destroy her and here she sat, in tears over him. Over a Slytherin. Over a Malfoy.

Hermione internally groaned as she heard footsteps coming her way. She wasn't sure if she was relieved or not that it was Harry and Ron coming towards her. To her it looked as if Ron would rather be anywhere else and Harry had prodded and cajoled him into coming and talking to her. Great, one of her best friends didn't even want to talk to her. He could join the club.

"Why so glum?" asked Harry as he sat down on one side of her with Ron on the other. Hermione was sure that he knew exactly what was wrong. After all, she wasn't one to sit around with eyes that were red from crying. It wasn't that she wasn't emotional, she was, it was just that she wasn't overly emotional, at least not usually. When you applied logic to things there really wasn't anything to get upset about. However, not very much seemed logical about her life or feelings at the moment.

How did she respond to Harry without sounding like a complete idiot and give Ron a reason to say 'I told you so'. Not that he would, he was a little more sensitive than that. He would be thinking it though. She knew he would be.

"Just a bad day," she replied gloomily, looking into the flames. Was it time for bed yet? Could she escape to her room and hide under the blankets while pretending that nothing in the last month and a half had happened. No meetings in the library, no kisses, no touches, no talks. She wanted nothing to do with any of her memories, yet they haunted her anyway. She was surprised when an arm wrapped around her and it was Ron and not Harry's. She tried to work up resentment towards him but she failed. So what if Ron was right? She hoped that he wasn't taking satisfaction out of her misery but right now the comfort felt good and she wasn't going to punish him for it.

"Anyone for a game of Elxploding Snap?" asked Harry as he _accio_'d a card table so that it was sitting in front of them, the cards already shuffling themselves in anticipation of a game.

"Sure," Hermione said, wiping her eyes one more time and hoping that neither one of them had noticed. This was the way that it was supposed to be. Harry, Ron, and Hermoine. She would do well to remember that in the future. Draco had his friends and she had hers. He had his life and it was time that she stayed out of it. No matter how much she wanted things to be different. Ron removed his arm from her and then they all scooted forward towards the table as the cards were dealt.

Maybe what she really had to do was make the best with whatever hand she was dealt.


	27. I'll try if you try

Hermione woke up the next morning and laid in bed contemplating everything. Last night had been fun, hanging out with Ron and Harry, playing exploding snap. Hermione had been thoroughly enjoying herself, at least until Ginny showed up. It was that she didn't like Ginny, quite the opposite, she loved her like a sister. It was the way she was with Harry. Hermione could see the way that they looked at each other, laughed with each other, and it made her miss Malfoy. As much as she hated to admit it she missed the git. Bringing to mind what Pansy had said quickly extinguished those feelings and she was left with nothing but hurt and anger. In her opinion it was better than the longing for him so she went with it.

It was still early but Hermione figured she might as well get a start on the day. She had homework to double check and books to read. Ever since this thing with Draco she had noticed that her extra curricular reading had suffered. She usually managed to get through four or five books a week, her current average was down to about two.

She would fix that starting today. She was going to fix a lot of things, get back to her old self, and stop being this star-crossed, school-crush, infatuated teenager. It had been fun, and exciting, and it made her heart do odd little things but she had decided that romance belonged in books that she could chose to, or not to, read. Bringing romance into every day life was just much too complicated.

Freshly showered and feeling a bit like her usual self, she went down to the Common Room with books in hand. She made her way over to her favorite spot by the window and pulled out her Arithmancy homework so she could go over each problem and make sure that it was perfect. The Common Room was delightfully quiet and empty and Hermione enjoyed the solitude as she got lost in the complicated problems of her favorite subject. About ten minutes later, sure that her work was flawless, she put the parchment away and pulled out her History of Magic essay. She'd gotten no more than five lines of proof-reading into it when she heard foot steps approaching.

Hermione looked up as she saw Ron coming towards her and she soon realized that something was off. He looked… well… nice. Usually Sunday mornings had him stumbling down the stairs about an hour later than it was now, hair messed, and wrinkled clothes thrown on. This morning his hair was neatly arranged and he was wearing a Gryffindor sweater and nice pants, not his usual carefree attire.

"Ron? Are you alright?" she asked putting her homework to the side as she gave him a smile. She was surprised to see that his face turned red at her question. Something was definitely up.

"Uhm…" Ron cleared his throat as Hermione looked at him, quite perplexed. "Hermione, I was wondering if… that is… if you would like to… perhaps… go with me… as in accompany me… to the Valentine's day dance next month… if you want?"

Hermione felt her own face growing red. The _very_ last thing that she wanted to think about was going to a dance on Valentine's Day. The way Ron was acting made her think that he definitely wasn't asking her to go as friends either. Which bothered her because she wasn't ready to think about being anything more than friends with anyone right now.

"This is also for you too. I stayed up working on the spell so that it was perfect." She watched as he pulled out a bouquet of yellow daisies from behind his back and handed them to her. Hermione didn't know what else to do but take them. Her acceptance apparently boosted Ron's courage because he cleared his throat and then started again.

"I like you Hermione. I_ really_ like you, and we've been dancing around this for years, and this is our last year here, I might not have a chance after this so I'd like to say, I mean I wanted to ask you, if maybe you could give us a shot because I… well… I really like you and I think I could make you happy if you'd let me." The words came out so fast that Hermione wasn't sure she had heard him right. She was going in to full fledged panic mode. What was she supposed to say? Of course she liked Ron back, had even liked him in _that_ way, but right now, all she felt for him was an endearing love, a friendly love, and she wasn't sure it could grow into what he wanted it to be.

"Um, wow, Ron. I think I just need a day or two to think this over. I've got a lot on my mind right now." Hermione didn't want to mention Draco but she knew that he was there, lingering between them. Ron looked a little disappointed but he looked as if he had expected an answer like that.

"No problem, thanks for listening," he turned and made his way so quickly up the stairs that Hermione didn't even have time to thank him for the flowers. She stared after him for a long time, thinking. Ron was a good guy, one of her best friends. Everything she knew said that the best relationships happened between people that were friends first and lovers later. While romantic relationships had been something that she had rarely put much thought into, the truth was that she didn't want to be alone for the rest of her life. After she graduated she'd be so busy with all the things she had planned that this might be her only chance to have something that could last.

First, she had to stop thinking about the relationship with Draco that kept failing. She told herself to be logical. Logic and reason had rarely ever failed her. Logically she and Draco didn't have a chance, logically she had been friends with Ron for almost seven years now and while they got into their disagreements and fights the fact remained that they were unwavering. She could never picture herself not being friends with him. Ron made her laugh, he cheered her up, he knew her for who she was and liked her for all of those reasons. Logically he was a good choice, he was the _right_ choice.

Hermione went up to her room and put her homework away and grabbed a book she hadn't finished reading. She was going to go down to the Great Hall and try to eat something. Honestly, she wanted to get there and finish eating before the Slytherins arrived. Yesterday's humiliation was still fresh in her mind.

With her book in hand she made her way down to breakfast, intent on eating and then finding some place where she could be alone to read and push all of her complicated thoughts out of her head. She had almost made it to the Great Hall when she heard someone call her name. Turning around she stopped as she saw Draco walking towards her.

She had a feeling things were going to get a little bit more complicated.

* * *

Draco had been unable to sleep for the majority of the night. Each time he thought he had everything figured out, another thought would creep up and he'd have to start thinking all over again. Hermione didn't trust him so he wasn't going to bother. Which meant he had to find a way to do what he had been told to do, get information about Potter and give it to his father. Easiest road to take. Then the thought that Hermione didn't trust him because she had good reason not to would come into play and he felt bad for being angry about it. If he was her he wouldn't be all that quick to trust him either. But Hermione was supposed to be the one person that he didn't have to hide from, that saw him for who he really was. That made the hurt and anger come back. Then he would rationalize that he was still hiding from her. He had secrets from her. He hadn't told her about his father, so in all honesty it was partly his fault.

There was one thing that was the deciding factor in his decision on where to go now. Friday night when they'd been laying in the Library together and they had been going back and forth on what they were to each other he had said something to her. Something that he hadn't forgotten about.

"I'll try if you try."

He'd meant it when he said it. So he was going to try, and if it blew up in his face then at least for the first time since Christmas break he would know what to do. He wouldn't be conflicted, there would be one clear choice and he'd do what needed to be done.

His decision finally made he'd fallen into a restless sleep. He woke up early so as to avoid Pansy. He still had to stifle the urge to hex her into oblivion. After what she had done last night it was a miracle that she'd made it this far unscathed. It was probably because she had hidden in her dorm for the rest of the night. She'd have to come out eventually.

So here he was, seven-thirty in the morning on a Sunday, waiting near the steps that lead down from the Gryffindor tower, hoping that he'd see her soon so that he could _try_. He wasn't sure how receptive she'd be to listening to him but he hoped she'd at least allow him an explanation about Pansy. His worst fear was that she'd walk down those stairs with Potter and Weasley and then proceed to completely ignore him.

A few minutes later he was relieved to see her coming down the stairs alone. He hid in she shadows just to make sure and after she had passed he called her name. She spun around and when she saw that it was him she didn't look very happy.

He made his way over to her and was glad that she had at least stopped. He stood there for a moment looking at her. Trying to figure out what to say. In all of his time thinking he hadn't thought this far. He just wanted things to be alright between them.

"Will you let me explain about yesterday?" he asked. He was expecting to be shot down. He was waiting for it and it never came. She looked at him, there was silence and then she asked one simple question.

"Why?"

Draco had a very simple answer to that. "When we were in the Library you asked me to promise that I wouldn't stop talking to you, I'm trying to keep a promise, for once."

From the look on her face she hadn't expected that answer and Draco had to admit that he was proud of himself. He liked being able to surprise her. He wanted her to see him as something different.

"Do you want to go grab a seat in the Great Hall?"

Now it was his turn to be surprised, he hadn't necessarily expected her to want to have such a public conversation. It was strange how his anger had dissipated with the dawn of morning. As he had stood out in the hall waiting he realized that when it came to her he was slowly starting to let go of his ego. Which was something that was alien to him. If he was being honest with himself, he wanted to secret her away to some hidden corner and then kiss her until she was no longer angry with him. However it looked like he was going to have to do that with words instead.

Draco followed Hermione into the Great Hall and they took a seat at the end of the Gryffindor table across from one another. Hermione proceeded to pour herself a glass of juice and wait for him to start explaining.

"I know that you were angry because you thought that I'd let Pansy read your note._ I_ was angry because for the first time in my life I was starting to feel like there was someone that was seeing me for who I really was. Who didn't always assume that I was the liar and the manipulator, that there was something else to me. That you just automatically assumed that it was my fault, like I'd set out to hurt you. It made me feel like we hadn't gotten anywhere. That you still see me as 'Malfoy'. I've tried hard to be different and… and I just wanted you to see that." Draco felt like running. This thing, talking about_ feelings_, was not something that came easily to him. It made him feel embarrassed, it made him feel weak, and he hated it. Yet he did it because it was something that had to be done, for her.

"You didn't let her read the note?" she asked hesitantly. He wanted to believe that she already knew the answer, that she was just looking for confirmation.

"No I didn't. She took it from me and decided to recite it to our entire Common Room. I tried to get it back. I was waiting outside the Great Hall for you so that I could explain, Pansy just showed up before I could get to that." There was something else on the tip of his tongue but he couldn't say it. He couldn't tell her how he had lied to all of the Slytherin and told them that he was using her. That he had made her look like a foolish girl who could be so easily manipulated. She was bound not to appreciate that. Even when he was trying to be honest there were always secrets.

"I'm sorry that I panicked. Everything just happened so unexpectedly and I reacted without thinking. I think sometimes it's just easiest to assume the worse instead of sticking with it. You scare me."

"How do I scare you?" he asked as he looked across the table, his eyes staring into hers. He thought he knew the answer. The intimacy that he shared with her, so much more powerful, and meaningful, than anything sexual, was daunting. He had never thought that he had the capacity to feel what he felt for her and he was beginning to think that for all of her loving friends and family, maybe she'd never imagined feeling this way either.

"You know why." He did. That knowledge filled him with the courage to do something that he never thought was possible. It was time to let go of the secrets. It was time to tell her about his father, about what Lucius wanted him to do. He wanted her to fully trust him, as long as he had that then maybe he could trust himself.

"Hermione, there's something I need to tell you." It was time to let go of the secrets.

A voice came from behind him. "And what would that be?" Draco turned around to see that it was Weasley who had spoken.

Draco sighed. It was going to be a long morning.

* * *

Sorry for the very long hiatus. I seem to have found my groove again. Fingers crossed that it sticks with me. As always reviews are what keep me chugging along. I always come back for you guys.


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